The Mean Time

The Mangoose Rises and the Slop is endless. This city reeks of sin, and somebody is stealing all of the Cobra Converters. Local law enforcement is dragging their feet, slumped over donuts and cold coffee while crime runs rampant. Meanwhile, a hot new song is taking over the city and infecting young minds everywhere. And I'm only one Mangoose. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Welcome back to another episussy of The Mean Tussy! Patrussy and Jarussy talk Avatussy, Matthew McConaughussy, and of course, The New Yussy! Sorry. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

HAPPY BOXING DAY FROM THE MEAN TIME TO YOU! This is easily our raunchiest episode yet so apologies to our parents and future children. Unfortunately this episode is so graphic that you'll have to watch with an adult present so go find one, apologize to them as well, and get ready for some uncomfortable glances! Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Hey guys, Jared here. Converting to Buddhism is no laughing matter. I'd like to set the record straight by apologizing for my jokes about the Buddha and his teachings, my intention is to spread joy. I cannot, however, speak for Matthew Quran-aughey who seems to be taking advantage of a religion for personal gain. I will devote my time to the studies of the Tripitaka to make up for any offense I may have caused. Thank you and God bless America. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of...

PAT IS BACK! Warning: The stunts in this podcast were performed by professionals, so for your safety and the protection of those around you, do not attempt any of the stunts you're about to see. If you're reading this now, comment "We get it Pat, you tour." for an opportunity to hurt Pat's feelings and make yourself feel better. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

We set the record straight on Patrick's thoughts on women as well as Patrick's straightness... Jared and Pat are back together next week LET GO Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

THE MEAN TIME ON THE ROAD BABYYY! Patrick sits down with his new friends in Action/Adventure. Head on over to YouTube there's a lot of visuals in this one. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Aunty Koala and Father Time spend their final day together before she tragically boards a United Airlines flight to the land down under. Movie reviews, a terrible birthday experience at a fancy sushi place, and The Redneck Comedy Roundup was unfortunately not enough to get her to stay so we must bid her a doo. A DOO, KOALA! Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

¡MI AMOR! Welcome to another episode of...how you say... ¡THE MEAN TIME! We are burning with the intense passion of an oven set to 500 degrees... ¡CELSIUS! Join us for an hour of love and desire while we unravel the mysteries of the heart and watch Chiara get absolutely wasted on video... ¡BIENVENIDOS! Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

First of all, a big thank you to Bearpunch for hosting us at their beautiful studio, they made us look incredible. Second of all, IT'S KOALA TIME because Chiara is here as a full-fledged-honest-to-goodness-bonafide-chair-sitting-camera-focused-dialogue-having guest. And she has A LOT to say. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Jared gets so passionate that his microphone can't even handle the sheer charisma and malfunctions so hard that the whole entire episode sounds crispy crunchy! Happy Halloween, thanks to all of the Patrons who submitted their problems for the advice column, and welcome to the world, Kyler Brantleigh! Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

A very special and interesting and fun episode is coming at you and you think it is very fun and special and interesting. In fact, it may be your favorite episode of this show to date. You will continue to watch this show until instructed otherwise. There is no war in Ba Sing Se. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

You had it too good for too long, dirtbags. The boys are turning heel and not even MarcTheFrog and his egg collection can save you. Now let's see if we can manage to keep Pat around for another 351 episodes. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

WE'RE GOING TO BANGKOK (Sorry Brazil) Welcome to our new temporary podcast space! It's a small box made of glass and felt and there's a guy that walks around looking at us and it's on a busy and trashy Hollywood street and it's actually causing me a lot of stress just to type this out, see you in Thailand. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

This one right here goes out to all the baby's mamas' mamas, mamas, mamas, baby mamas' mamas, and the rest of the women all over the world. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Jared is TICKED OFF and Pat doesn't know why. I wonder if it has anything to do with the Mooseman? Regardless, if you go to Jimmy John's, don't shame yourself by getting a pizza sandwich, you're better than that. Instead, help yourself to a fresh bowl of CT Crunch. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

The Mean Time is not responsible for any botched Portuguese because everyone tried real hard and we love Brazil. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Jared pays his and Pat's rent with more loud obnoxious singing bits in maybe the first fully music-focused episode of a show that was supposed to be about music. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Aaron Gillespie of Underoath kicks it with the boys and talks smack about a few very high profile music industry professionals. However, we decided to cut all of that out to focus on even juicier content...stories about his vasectomy. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

A COUPLE OF FRESH AND FINE LOOKIN BOYS HAVE ABDUCTED AND REPLACED OUR HOSTS AND SENT THEM TO THE CHROMITE MINES WHERE THEY WILL LIVE OUT THE REST OF THEIR DAYS IN TORMENT AND EXHAUSTION FOR THEIR VARIOUS CRIMES. New guys look good though. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

We took 160,000 rowdy college girls from Miami Beach and through a combined air, land, and sea assault, facilitated the largest amphibious invasion in the history of warfare and put it all on a 3-DVD set that can be yours for only 19.95! Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

The boys are on one wild ride! Crusty Rhodes makes his in-ring debut against Crick Flair, Olive Garden is serving bottomless AI pasta, and Valjean spills Jared's darkest secrets to Patrick. Enjoy the slop, piggies! Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

You've heard of The Mean Time. You've even heard of The Jean Time. But this summer... nothing can prepare you for... THE GREEN TIME. Will the madness ever end? When will we wake up from this nightmare? Why did Jared even buy those pants? What occasion calls for pants that green? Tune in and find out! Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

We don’t jean to offend anyone with this episode of The Jean Time. We tried to keep this one nice and jean for you guys. Never in our wildest jeans did we ever think we’d get to talk about what we talked about in this one. You can buy all the clothes you see in this episode on Jean.

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Rest in peace to the Oz-Man who was the lead singer of Metallica and who’s biggest song is Bohemian Rhapsody and I apologize for Pat’s lack of knowledge about literally everything in the entirety of the scope of the comprehendible world.

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We shot an episode outside because we’re so ambitious. The audio sounds like ass because we wanted to reach for the stars. One camera on the video this week because we wanted to be fun and interesting. Like 7 planes interrupt the flow of conversation because we wanted to do this one outside. Enjoy.

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Pat sniffs out an early screening of Superman and meets the cast at a Hollywood red carpet event while Jared weighs himself down on the Go Kart track by eating a whole mess of Tater Tots. Milking NickelJack? Milking MichaelBack?

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JAYCE ON THE PODCAST! We’re talking Animorphs, Star Wars, and wait… What’s that at the end of the episode…?

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Jared and Pat celebrate ONE WHOLE YEAR of the podcast, ONE WHOLE YEAR of fun, and ONE WHOLE YEAR of getting away with stealing babies all around the world!

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Jared watches a bunch of Digimon and then has to eat a slice of humble pie while typing this description because it’s actually really good. Special thanks to JB for having a big funny soundbite once a year!

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Jared had a coffee and Nick is here with a cat and Pat’s nose is HUGE! Also we respond to being posted in the H3H3 subreddit and Jared tells some stories about teenage self-pleasure!

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The boys take on some serious political topics including the Ukraine War, the ongoing Israeli/Palestinian Conflict, and BONKing their manhood with a cartoon mallet.

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I hope you’re very well aware of who Sebastian Maniscalco is because if not, this episode will make absolutely no sense to you. Good luck and praise God.

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This week’s episode was brought to you by Dragon D’s and was originally aired at SawCon. We’d like to thank our special guests, Bofa and Eden, and we’d like to remind you that CD’s of this episode are still on sale. Friendly reminder that all characters imitated in this episode are just parodies.

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We sincerely hope that you enjope this new episope all about the pope from chicagope OH GOOD GOD IS THAT GRAVEDIGGER??? AW YEAAAAHHH!!!

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Jared hears a wild new DJO song about stealing babies, Pat imagines what WW2 would be like in the 1980s, and the boys discuss the political and economic state of the world right now.

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If you thought we were kidnapping babies house to house 2 weeks in a row, you’d be dead wrong. We’re eating them now. Buy a shirt.

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That should be me, stealing your child. That should be me, let me have it for a while. This is so wrong, this ain’t a song, give it to meeeeeee!

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Jared teaches Pat how to become a high value male for like 45 minutes and then just explodes all over him for the grand finale.

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We got a heater for you this week and papas want to play a game with you. If you can count exactly how many IP references we make in this episode, you could win an extended stay vacation at the beautiful psych ward in the next town over.

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Please eat food while enjoying this episode. It’s not as funny, entertaining, or otherwise unless you have a mouthful of something tasty and maybe a bit sloppy, maybe a nice lasagna or a homemade corn chowder!

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Apologies to the audio listeners, this one is almost exclusively visual bits so just use your imagination!

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This week on The Mean Time Action News: Jared reports on an ongoing alien invasion in Oklahoma, Patrick stalks and ambushes an imposter Jon Bellion in a Starbucks, and rapper B.O.B. dies in a tragic SpaceX rocket explosion.

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O, weary traveler, thy journey is fair and true but to continue on thine path, riddles three must be answered. Firstly, when doth the sale cometh for Nike sneakers, white as snow? Secondly, can’st thou doeth a Sebulba impression? And lastly, dost thou haveth a feet thing?

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You know how sometimes you wanna treat yourself so you buy a nice steak to cook for dinner but you don’t usually cook steak and you burn it and over season it but it’s still a $37 filet mignon so you eat it anyway? Well this episode is kind of like that!

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GUESS WHO’S BACK BACK BACK BACK AGAIN GAIN GAIN JARED’S BACK BACK BACK TELL A FRIEND FRIEND FRIEND

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UPSAHL IS HERE! Jared is still down under. Find out if Pat knows how to talk to girls! (he doesn’t)

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JARED IS GONE! DON’T CLICK OFF, DON’T CLICK OFF! GIVE US A CHANCE. I KNOW I’M JUST ON THE PODCAST AS EYE CANDY BUT WE CAN BE FUNNY TOO I SWEAR.

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There once was a man with a kink, whose nose was so big it could think. He’d stick that nose between his toes and splooge as fast as a blink! Subscribe to our Patreon.

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.I.. (-_-) ..I.    .I.. (-_-) ..I.    .I.. (-_-) ..I.    .I.. (-_-) ..I.    .I.. (-_-) ..I.    .I.. (-_-) ..I.

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aoc vore andrew garfield pregnant vore gushing vore horseman lucario vore-k futa aoc garfield andrew vore pregnant vore

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Now dig this. You just stepped into the smoothest episode yet, so wipe your shoes if they’re wet. We’re keeping it funky and groovy for the third Now You See Me movie. Now relax and sit tight, The Blind Idiot God, Azathoth is gonna make everything alright. Sa Da Tay!

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We breakdance on Nosferatu’s thang, Pat considers dance lessons, and Big Bad Jawed is afwaid of a wittw bitty snake. Plus, a New Year’s resolution segment from the Meanie Babies on Discord.

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WE SHOVELED SH*T SO HIGH IN THE DESERT WE COULDN’T TELL IF IT WAS MUD. JUST FOR SOME LIB RECEPTACLES TO DICHOT ON A SOLDIER WHO FOUGHT FOR YOUR RIGHTS. IT MAKES ME AT NAUSEOUS. join the discord.

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In Game 5 of the ’97 NBA Finals, Michael Jordan willed his way to a victory, scoring 38 points while suffering from the flu. Now, in Episode 27 of The Mean Time, Jared faces similar odds as he battles his own flu. Will he rise to the occasion like MJ? No, he will not. This episode is a tough listen.

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Here’s a list of the top 10 highest paid CEOs of 2024! Jon Winkelried, Harvey Schwartz, Hock Tan, Nikesh Arora, Sue Nabi, George Mattson, Stephen Schwarzman, Christopher Winfrey, Pablo Legorreta, and Ariel Emanuel! Knowledge is power!

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Honestly it was unfair of you guys to put such undue pressure on us to be as funny as we were in the last episode. It’s not our fault that you can’t manage your expectations. Get over yourself, no one’s making you be here.

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NARROW BOY IS BACK WE ARE SO BACK WE’RE TALKIN SEX WITH SMASH BROS AND SEX WITH HARRY POTTER AND SEX WITH EACH OTHER AND BULLYING A 3 YEAR OLD YES YES YES YES YES YES YES

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An unrealistic precedent has been set as Jared sings his way through this week’s episode to make up for lost Pat while special guest Reece from Dreamfone is having a very long and quiet panic attack about it. It’s time to d-d-d-duel.

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With Pat on tour and Jared incapable of being funny without making fun of someone, there is only one man who can save this week’s episode of The Mean Time! Who could it be??? Text your answer to your local representative and tell them that women’s bodies shouldn’t be governed by men!

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Hey there! Chris Rock here to say that I give Jared explicit permission to do a very spot-on white guy impression of me in this week’s episode of The Mean Time! If anyone should take issue with said impression, I encourage you to come back here and read this official statement. Polka-Dot Afro!!!

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No fictional cartoon dogs were harmed, maimed, or otherwise antagonized during the filming of this week’s episode.

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Come and meat your favorite duo on the last day of Hallow-Mean as they crank up the jokes for the grand finale! A magical genie makes the boys think long and hard about the perfect wish, they get shafted at a derelict casino in the desert, and they shoot their shots at celebs to come on the show!

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You ever get so freakin smoked out, baked up, fried down, stoney macaroni, zoinked, shlushpuppied, crispy chickky crunched, and otherwise H to the I-G-H’d on some sticky icky, skunky wunky, donkey dunky, ucey juicy, crunchy munchy, double budsky supremesky ganj????

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Hallow-Mean Time continues as the boys dress up in their Michael-est costumes yet! One of them murdered over 161 people over decades on his path of vengeance and the other is dressed as Michael Myers! Groovy baby! The Mean Time on Idobi Radio! Hosted by Patrick Gilchrist and Jared Gaines! TUNE IN EVERY TUESDAY AT 6PM EST AND STREAM WHEREVER YOU LISTEN TO PODCASTS!

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You come to me this day, the day of my daughter’s choosing of her starter Pokémon and you ask me to steal a master ball from the Silph Co. You ask of me this, and you do not call me Don Giovanni, you do not feed my Persian a Pecha Berry. Fine, I’ll make him an offer he can’t refuse. The Mean Time on Idobi Radio! Hosted by Patrick Gilchrist and Jared Gaines! TUNE IN EVERY TUESDAY AT 6PM EST AND STREAM WHEREVER YOU LISTEN TO PODCASTS!

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WELCOME BACK TO ANOTHER EPISODE OF THE MEAN TIME WHERE EVERYTHING IS MADE UP AND THE POINTS DON’T MATTER! THAT’S RIGHT THE POINTS ARE JUST LIKE CHAPPELL ROAN’S OPINIONS ON PERSONAL SPACE! The Mean Time on Idobi Radio! Hosted by Patrick Gilchrist and Jared Gaines! TUNE IN EVERY TUESDAY AT 6PM EST AND STREAM WHEREVER YOU LISTEN TO PODCASTS!

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Let me guess! Pat tells a long-winded story while Jared cuts him off mid-sentence with a sing along so he can show off his voice to all the thick latinas out there? We get it, dude. You can sing. Jeez 14 episodes in and we’re already painting by numbers. This show used to mean something. The Mean Time on Idobi Radio! Hosted by Patrick Gilchrist and Jared Gaines! TUNE IN EVERY TUESDAY AT 6PM EST AND STREAM WHEREVER YOU LISTEN TO PODCASTS!

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DROP WHAT YOU’RE DOING AND GO WATCH LIFE OF A SPHEAL ON YOUTUBE I SWEAR TO GOD YOU HAVE TO WATCH IT PLEASE JUST GO WATCH IT NOW IT’S CALLED LIFE OF A SPHEAL WATCH IT ITS BY ENLARGEDKAI GO WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE GO WATCH THAT VIDEO NOWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!! The Mean Time on Idobi Radio! Hosted by Patrick Gilchrist and Jared Gaines! TUNE IN EVERY TUESDAY AT 6PM EST AND STREAM WHEREVER YOU LISTEN TO PODCASTS!

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Rippling magnolia wood meets hardened Japanese Damascus forged in an ancient kiln, crafted by a master who has no name on a mountain that has many. Wait this says, “Made in China”. The Mean Time on Idobi Radio! Hosted by Patrick Gilchrist and Jared Gaines! TUNE IN EVERY TUESDAY AT 6PM EST AND STREAM WHEREVER YOU LISTEN TO PODCASTS!

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BIG MONEY BABY WE GOT A BIG RAISE BABY LETS GO WE DON’T CARE ABOUT DESCRIPTIONS ANMORE YAHOO GIVE US THAT SWEET MONEY BABY YEAH BABY YEAH The Mean Time on Idobi Radio! Hosted by Patrick Gilchrist and Jared Gaines! TUNE IN EVERY TUESDAY AT 6PM EST AND STREAM WHEREVER YOU LISTEN TO PODCASTS!

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FIRST, I’LL SUMMON MIKE MEYERS AS MICHAEL MEYERS IN ATTACK POSITION. THEN, I’LL SPECIAL SUMMON A HELLO KITTY PLUSHY FROM MY DECK WHICH TRIGGERS MY TRAP CARD, “STILL LISTENING TO KANYE WEST” WHICH WILL ALLOW ME TO FUSION SUMMON A TOUGH CONVERSATION BETWEEN FRIENDS MID EPISODE! EXODIA, OBLITERATE! The Mean Time on Idobi Radio! Hosted by Patrick Gilchrist and Jared Gaines! TUNE IN EVERY TUESDAY AT 6PM EST AND STREAM WHEREVER YOU LISTEN TO PODCASTS!

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Episode I: The Phantom Menace Esteemed Jedi Masters Pat-patine and Jare Jare Binks establish communications with Qui-Dom Jin, Pat-me Amidala, and Ollie Wan Kenobi of Broadside to discuss the fate of Naboo and the Trade Federation’s evil plot. The Mean Time on Idobi Radio! Hosted by Patrick Gilchrist and Jared Gaines! TUNE IN EVERY TUESDAY AT 6PM EST AND STREAM WHEREVER YOU LISTEN TO PODCASTS!

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Jared turns in an episode super duper late after eating an entire sleeve of double stuff oreos and now his stummy hurt, enjoy! The Mean Time on Idobi Radio! Hosted by Patrick Gilchrist and Jared Gaines! TUNE IN EVERY TUESDAY AT 6PM EST AND STREAM WHEREVER YOU LISTEN TO PODCASTS!

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Don’t blame it on the Schrodinger’s Cat, Don’t blame it on the Bail Organa, Don’t blame it on the dumb Australians, Blame it on the Boogie! The Mean Time on Idobi Radio! Hosted by Patrick Gilchrist and Jared Gaines! TUNE IN EVERY TUESDAY AT 6PM EST AND STREAM WHEREVER YOU LISTEN TO PODCASTS!

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Tragedy strikes as the boys go for gold in the 2024 Summer Olympics! Will Pat wake up so they can rise to the challenge and taste sweet victory, or will they doze off into agonizing defeat in F*!#$@ING FRANCE? Find out next time on DRAGON BALL Z!!!!! The Mean Time on Idobi Radio! Hosted by Patrick Gilchrist and Jared Gaines! TUNE IN EVERY TUESDAY AT 6PM EST AND STREAM WHEREVER YOU LISTEN TO PODCASTS!

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Oh hark Caesar look out Brutus right behind you with the knife oh god oh no Caesar nooooooooooooo!!!!! The Mean Time on Idobi Radio! Hosted by Patrick Gilchrist and Jared Gaines! TUNE IN EVERY TUESDAY AT 6PM EST AND STREAM WHEREVER YOU LISTEN TO PODCASTS!

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  My name is Hacha Chacha, and here is my spiel: A diabolical plan with lots of appeal! Spreading out bananas, out far and wide, and fixin’ up the folk for a slippery slide! The Mean Time on Idobi Radio! Hosted by Patrick Gilchrist and Jared Gaines! TUNE IN EVERY TUESDAY AT 6PM EST AND STREAM WHEREVER YOU LISTEN TO PODCASTS!

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Sasquatch Vs. Lumberjack, Wet Anime Wigs, and ASMR plant stacking! The Mean Time on Idobi Radio! Hosted by Patrick Gilchrist and Jared Gaines! TUNE IN EVERY TUESDAY AT 6PM EST AND STREAM WHEREVER YOU LISTEN TO PODCASTS!

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Dane cook, if you’re reading this, we’d love to have you on the show! The Mean Time on Idobi Radio! Hosted by Patrick Gilchrist and Jared Gaines! TUNE IN EVERY TUESDAY AT 6PM EST AND STREAM WHEREVER YOU LISTEN TO PODCASTS!

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The first episode from The Mean Time on Idobi Radio! Hosted by Patrick Gilchrist and Jared Gaines!

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