Always Mending - TikToks & Reels

If you’re having sex when your wife doesn’t want it, it’s rape. And your subconscious will know it. You’ll need more and more sex over and over again because you’ll never be fulfilled by rape

This is a follow up video to the longer story, posted on the main substack.

The bottom line is that any attempt to change a no into a yes is coercive, whatever your tactics. It may seem perfectly fine because this behavior has been so normalized. But we do agree on one thing, that these relationships should end as quickly as possible. But I take it a step further to say no one should be in a relationship with men like this. Because good men can take no for an answer.

Don’t try to push your feelings away, that’s what the avoidant does. Love him and believe he loved you, and then let him go with love

Spoiler: it’s hogwash

Follow me on Threads for more of these conversations in real time.

For the last few years I’ve been encouraging men to be more authentic, and women to let them. And I strongly believe that the only way to get men to stop being abusive is to let them be themselves. Whoever they are, leave them alone and let them be. Don’t try to mold them, shape them, dress them, just let them be. Even if it means you don’t get to be in a relationship with them anymore because the real version of them is not the one you married.

Last night I saw a picture of a blanket in a video I made that brought back something I’d forgotten.

Navy Guy bought me this for Valentine’s Day that year. I forgot about it. I’ve been asking the kids for two years whose blanket this is, and why don’t they put it away. Without this video I might never have remembered.

Those who have been mistreated and abused their whole lives have lost their identity and their self-worth. You can punish everyone who hurt them and it won’t do anything but temporarily ease their mind. The only way for them to get permanent lasting help is to focus on themselves.

And if you can imagine for a minute every woman on earth focusing on herself instead of the people who hurt her, those people would be left alone with no one to manipulate and mistreat and abuse.

Healing from my own codependent mindset after my marriage helped me see and point out how Navy Guy was the same. His “avoidance” was partially a people pleasing that seemed to come from a lifetime of being what everyone else expected of him. He struggled to know his own mind about things and was consistently agreeable to the point I regularly questioned him about it. Was he really on the same page or was he just reflexively telling me he was in order to prevent conflict? He would pause and say he didn’t really know and he’d have to...

Three years ago I was just starting date again after two years of therapy and recovering from abuse. I was terrified, but excited too. I had deconstructed my faith, unpacked everything that made me accept abuse, and built a strong foundation within my heart. I had no idea what was to come, but I knew I could handle it.

I never imagined falling in love. I intended for it to be a fling, just something to get me “back in the saddle” as they say. I expected someone who would be good enough. I didn’t expect someon...

If you’re on TikTok, a couple of men have answered him.

This week TikTok blew up when a DoorDash driver posted video of a customer asleep on his couch, naked from the waist to his ankles. A violation of company policy, DoorDash deactivated her as a driver.

As I sought answers I found only rumor and speculation, much of it split in her favor and in his defense. It’s what anyone would do in that position.

What I can know is this. She recorded and posted a video without consent. And then when called on it and the video removed for nudity violations, she claimed it...

Freedom is love and love is free 

i’m used to posting videos pretty regularly, but I also don’t want to inundate your inbox with emails, so I’ve been withholding some of the videos from your email. If you’d like me to notify you with every video, please give me that feedback. Otherwise, use the app or go out to the website to see more videos.

It was about 8 months after my ex moved out I experienced a spontaneous orgasm while I was working. There was zero stimuli, just out of nowhere my body was healing and finding itself again.

A year and a half later I met someone who made me feel safe and adored, and I was able to feel pleasure again. I wasn’t able to orgasm, but only because there wasn’t enough time. It ended before we were able to explore other things. 😉

Take your time. There’s plenty.

Maybe you’re not asexual, or gay. Maybe there’s nothing wrong with you at all. Maybe all of your symptoms are a side effect of abuse.

Men ask frequently, some variation of, “Well, what am I supposed to do?” So I show them. This is what I would do, as a person who is not coercive and wants a healthy relationship.

For years men have come at me with the “bait and switch”, a woman who loved sex and then suddenly didn’t for no reason. Even she doesn’t understand why this happened because women are taught that sex is something we just give a man we love. Being “not in the mood” is supposed to be temporary, but with a disrespectful husband, it becomes permanent.

Authenticity is what makes intimate connection between us. It doesn’t matter who you are if who you are isn’t real. If I fall in love with someone who isn’t real, I will figure it out eventually. And then you’ll be more alone than you were before. Be real, even if you think I might reject you. Who knows, I might not. Because it’s authenticity I’m attracted to.

I’m going to be posting video to Substack now, trying to get away from social media. If you don’t want to see these, here are...