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Happy New Year! We're ringing in 2026 with a recap of things we sourced in 2025- the good, the bad, and the Grande. So join us as we take a pop-punk trip down memory lane, make a whimsical turn out into the infinite cosmos, search and action around a little bit, expend our last remaining energy bowing before the greatness of a certain fantasy author, and somehow, manage to forget the second item on a list of three (well, one of us anyway).

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Happy Thanksgiving! In the spirit of the holiday, we're thanking you all for another year of support and dropping our latest Patreon bonus episode here on the main feed in full. If you enjoy our adventures with stake guns, suck jobs, and a surfboard full of guns, consider hopping over to our Patreon to get a full additional episode like this every month! But for now, have a hot loose coke from the back of Jon Bon's jeep on us, and please remember to take your anti-vampire pills.

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Welcome to the third annual NoVampber! As usual, we're hanging out with vampires all month long, and kicking things off is our revisiting of a pretty notoriously bad vampire experience: 2004's Van Helsing! Join us as we discuss the journey of sunburnt Wolverine and his CG loincloth on their quest to accomplish... almost nothing, aside from severing Flesh Shrek's arm and creating openings for the tale's real hero: Carl. We also share a nice batch of trivia, read some real goofball reviews, and for a film that does not star Emilio Estevez, spend a surprisingly long time talking about...

Halloween is next week, and we're getting prepared by continuing our exploration of witch media with 2013's Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters! As you might expect, we spend some time gushing about Gemma Arterton, even more time gushing about Peter Stormare, and even manage to fit in a revisit of the Jeremy Renner app, a contentious debate about Beauty and the Beast's Gaston, and a brief history of profanity.

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For October this year, we're celebrating the spooky season by saddling up some brooms, brewing a pot of potion, and spending the month exploring a Halloween mainstay: witches! First up is the 2024 musical film Wicked, a movie that may claim to explore villainous origins, authoritarianism, and unlikely friendships, but at its core is just simply: animals. We discuss the film and the musical genre in general, share some trivia and reviews, and remind everyone that if you're looking into showtimes for the upcoming sequel, make sure to use the url wickedMOVIE.com.

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Over on Patreon, we're capping off our month on Silent Hill and preparing for spooky season by running through our scariest experiences in video games! Unfortunately, we can't blame anything occurring in this clip on games; these are homegrown original ideas, and we sincerely apologize for infecting you with their contents. That said, as we all head into October please remember to stay safe, and watch out for those tickle monsters.

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Silent September concludes with a discussion of Bloober Team's 2024 remake of the survival horror classic, Silent Hill 2! Is the game good enough to make up for Beau's terrible first impression of the franchise with the movie we covered last episode? And how will it fare when compared with Brandon's massive love of the original game? We answer these questions, ask a few more (What is reality? How much agency does Maria have? And just how bad does James smell?), and give ourselves enough nightmare fuel to last until Silent Hill f, which comes out... *checks watch* ...er, now.

Welcome to Silent September! Brandon is excitedly counting down the days until Silent Hill f comes out later this month, and decided to introduce first-timer Beau to one his favorite horror IPs in... truly the worst way possible. That's right, we're kicking things off with Christophe Gans' misguided feature-length fanboy fumble, the 2006 film Silent Hill! Join us as we watch Radha Mitchell's Rose get her cardio in and do her best to dodge all the smoldering piles of poo left by some eldritch horrors on her jogging route, with occasional pivots over to a very waterlogged Sean Bean on...

To cap off our month on Japanese horror, we've got a bonus Patreon episode that follows up last August's revisiting of The Ring with another J-horror American remake: 2004's The Grudge, starring Buffy the Vampire Slayer, a wee lad who swallowed his cat, and a loooot of vocal fry. We read some reviews, we talk some culture, but mostly we just flip out over Jennifer poking her finger through that container of instant ramen.

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This week we take our study of yōkai out into the field to observe them in one of their natural habitats: a Labyrinth of the Demon King! We're talking all about the 2025 first-person survival horror game, and while we may disagree a little about how much we enjoy all that PSOne-inspired grime, we DO agree on our love of the tantō, our fearlessness in the face of death, and our belief that Oogie Boogie can go suck bath scum.

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For August this year, we're spending the entire month exploring the spooky side of Japan! In this first leg of the journey, we kick things off with an exploration of the sometimes terrifying, sometimes wacky, sometimes cuddly (?) supernatural creatures known as yōkai, complete with eldritch Nicktoons, a She's All That-style makeover with the Slit-Mouthed Woman, and weasels with frickin' knives attached to their paws. From there we trace some connections between all those crazy critters and Japan's king of creepy comics, Junji Ito! So hold on to your head, and- oh, watch your step there. The wooden spirit h...

This week we continue our exploration of non-Indy Jones treasure hunters with The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor, a sequel that gives us the opportunity to ponder some of life's great mysteries, including: How does an extra $50 million budget result in a worse-looking movie than its predecessor? Is frat boy behavior in 1946 just as insufferable as its modern equivalent? Are terracotta pots actually mummies? No, we don't actually have any answers to those questions; Beau has been too busy lamenting the desecration of some of his favorite characters while Brandon expounds on the rich anti-fascist allegory packed into...

We may be done with Indiana Jones, but our treasure hunting continues all this month with a crew of imitators led by this week's protagonist, Nathan Drake! Unfortunately for us, this week is truly a worst version of a favorite thing, because we're experiencing his adventures by way of the 2022 Uncharted film. We do our best to withstand such rampant overuse of the bottle-playing scene, and to not be swayed by any of the film's "implicit messages," but if we're successful in those pursuits, it's probably just because we're too busy complaining about trees.

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This week over on Patreon, we bring Indiana June to a close with one final adventure alongside our favorite archaeologist. And by one, we actually mean two. We each chose an episode of The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles television series at random, so hop on and ride along on our Phantom Train of Doom as we discuss! We're making stops at all our favorite jazz clubs, and Beau even brought a game to keep us occupied during the ride. Oh, but just a heads-up: all passengers must spend a portion of the ride bound and gagged, because apparently that's...

We're back with more Indiana Jones, and we've traded in our White Witch for a Great Circle! This episode we talk MachineGames' 2024 action-adventure game Indiana Jones and the Great Circle, and it just might be the sequel we've always wanted. No, we can't wield Caliburn, and no "forest folk" make an appearance, but the zeppelin DOES make a return, and is better (and more dangerous) than ever? (We forgot our special non-static slippers, so tread lightly). So grab your best disguise and that sledgehammer over there, make sure you haven't left any cogs behind, and... oh, also, can we...

Star Wars month may be over, but we're still hanging out with George Lucas as we kick off Indiana Junes! All this month we're exploring alongside our favorite archaeologist and heading to wherever his latest adventure leads us. This week, that adventure is Martin Caidin's 1994 novel Indiana Jones and the White Witch, a riveting tale of magic, aviation, and... northern Florida civil war reenactors (yes, really). So slip on your non-static zeppelin slippers, throw on your boiled scabbard tunic (again, yes, really), and get ready to confront one of the most forgettable villains of all time (we've already forgotten...

Star Wars month concludes with a roundup of some of our most memorable Star Wars gaming experiences! It's light side vs. dark side as we pit some of our favorite games of all time against a few experiences so miserable, they just might turn you into a Scorpion Vader. We've got bad kart racers and worse Game Boy games, but along the way we make time for sweet X-Wing action, Lego Grand Theft Auto and one very cool battle pod. Beau and Brandon also somehow manage to spend over ten minutes raving about Sega's Star Wars Arcade without realizing...

Welcome back to another episode of Phobiagoria, our recurring miniseries all about revisiting things that scared us as children! This time, Brandon discovers that the childhood trauma he associated with The Ewok Adventure's monstrous Gorax might've actually originated with the dead-eyed Ewoks themselves, and Beau? He's mostly just trying to stay conscious for all 97 minutes of this teddy bear fellowship. In this teaser we talk budget, kush (the Ewok kind), and even some conspiracy theories, but for the full episode you gotta head over to Patreon!

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May the Fourth be with you! (It's now May 8th). All this month we're hanging out in a galaxy far, far away, and kicking off our Star Wars celebration is a discussion of Episode VI- Return of the Jedi! We talk/dismantle negative fan reactions to the original trilogy's final installment while sharing our own negative reactions to much of the nonsense thrown into the remastered edition of the film. So, no, while we DON'T think that Jedi Rocks, we DO believe that Anakin's so vain, he probably thinks this podcast's about him.

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Hey, remember that time we did two months of Final Fantasy stuff and planned to conclude with an episode on Rebirth? What young, naive podcasters we were back then... full of big, bold dreams and overambition. Now, on the other side of 100+ hours' worth of fighting, adventuring, laughing, crying, card collecting, Chocobo racing, and tediously throwing crates onto elevators, we're kind of amazed we ever thought we'd hit that deadline to begin with. Join us as we work through our many, MANY feelings around this epic gaming experience and deep dive through all those things and more! (spoilers abound)<...

Our Arthur season may be finished here on the main feed, but over on Patreon we're enjoying one final session at the round table as we turn it into a round tabletop! Join us as we leave the fate of Britain to the whims of the dice and roll to recast Arthur, Merlin, and other iconic characters from the legends with some thoroughly deranged replacements pulled from an even more deranged full list. Will King Ralph have his Lady Margot Tenenbaum stolen by Wolverine? Will Rita Repulsa rise from the lake to deliver Sex Machine's crotch gun to live-action...

And so, The Once and Future podcast topic is now Once and Past as we close out our two month journey through various adaptations of King Arthur and his very, very handsome and spectacularly facial-haired knights (at least, in this particular iteration). In celebration of the game's recent ten-year anniversary, this week we take a look at The Order: 1886! This experience may be light on gameplay (unless QTEs are your thing), but do the beards, zeppelins, and Tesla tech make up for it? Time to suit up, take a sip of Blackwater, find a good place to take cover...

So we kinda forgot to drop teasers for our past two Patreon episodes, but, better late than never, right? ...right? Anyway, back in March we supplemented our adventures with various King Arthur adaptations by discussing some of our favorite weapons in media, or: our own personal Excaliburs, if you will. And while this teaser may sufficiently explain the decision to make Stanley Stupid our thumbnail (if such things can be sufficiently explained), for the rest of it, ya gotta jump on over to our Patreon!

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So we kinda forgot to drop teasers for our past two Patreon episodes, but, better late than never, right? ...right? Anyway, back in February we played matchmakers and gave one another the lofty challenge of pairing up 3 random characters from some of the IPs we've covered on the show thus far. So grab your leisure suit, hug a vampire, and remember that Dizzy Flores deserves so much better- and also that, while this teaser is two months too late to be relevant, patrons get to enjoy episodes like these during the actual holidays they're based on!

Month #2 of our King Arthur extravaganza finds us revisiting the 1998 TV miniseries Merlin, starring Sam Neill, Helena Bonham Carter, Martin Short, and a whole lot of makeup (3 or 4 out of 5 on the sexy scale, apparently). We're surprised by many things this week: inexplicable dubbing choices, the depth of emotion Frik pulled out of us, and just how bad that dragon looks (seriously, even worse than we remembered). So suit up in your best boiled leather armor (you never know if there are any dagger-chucking children about) and remember that, no matter what that evil little Mab on your shoulder...

King Arthur season continues with Mage: The Hero Discovered, the cult classic comic that updates the Arthur legend for 1980's America with baseball bats, badass cars, and one very, VERY unpleasant protagonist. We talk aging, art, and the writing process, all while Beau tries out every possible pronunciation of the author's name and Brandon accidentally reveals some of his confused feelings towards the sensual allure of xenomorphs.

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We're kicking off March by going waaay back and exploring the origin point of one of the most foundational legends (and also the topic of our show for the next two months): King Arthur! Join us as we do a mini-deep dive on The Once and Future King and discuss some of the background on the related lore, and how the archetypes his story established have manifested in myriad ways throughout literature and other media since their original telling. Along the way we've got a rundown of our favorite knights, plenty of poorly pronounced French, trivia galore, and a...

Our Final Fantasy exploration enters month two with the sequel film 1 out 3 IMDb reviewers hail as a 10/10 masterpiece: Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children! It's the epic tale of Kadouche, Doozy and Kazoo and their quest to slap enough green goo on their chests to change their identities and fit their mother's head inside a container that's slightly too small. Alongside our film discussion we also take some time to get philosophical and speculate about the FF7 afterlife, design a line of tarot cards, and discuss the physics of relay tossing an adult man to the top of a skyscraper.<...

We're closing out part one of our Final Fantasy exploration, bringing Final Fanuary to a close, and heading on into... FFII? Final February? FFFebruary? (we still haven't decided) To celebrate the completion of Disc 1 here, we've got a bonus episode over on the Patreon, and here's a teaser for the kinds of shenanigans we have on offer over that way! This month we talk our ideal FF party, with characters sourced from across the entire franchise. Who's got the best repertoire of abilities and attacks in their arsenal? Who's got the best narrative waiting to be told? Who's hot...

Final Fanuary continues! All this month and the next we're exploring one of our favorite franchises, and this week we're doing things a little differently: welcome to our first episode of Source Found, Final Fantasy 101 edition! We're deep diving into the origins of the franchise and tracing the lineage of some of our favorite FF elements, as well as the creators behind them, from their original conception on up to today. Along the way we also make time for our personal history with the games, discuss some of our favorite parts of the series, and give our thoughts on...

Welcome to Final Fanuary! All this month (and the next, which will undoubtedly bring with it an even worse pun) we're exploring one of our favorite franchises, and are kicking things off with, truly, one of the worst versions of our favorite things: the 2001 film Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within! Join us as we follow the mystical eagle through one very expensive uncanny valley on a quest to find all 60,000 hairs. Along the way, Beau expresses his love of bologna sandwiches, Brandon talks about his love of the D, but neither of us find much to love about the...

Looking to change up your holiday movie choices this year? Has your annual viewing of "A Christmas Prince" started to feel a little stale? Well then, have we got a show for you! This year, we're celebrating the holidays over on Patreon with a rundown of our favorite non-Christmas Christmas movies. Alongside our superheroes, action film stars and wizards, we've also got strategies for exploiting Santa's lame duck period, and a few tips for telling your kids he isn't real at all (just ease them into it by telling them he's dead first). And remember: don't assume that coal-shaped...

With our final episode of 2024, we're once again closing things out with a roundup of our favorite things we sourced over the course of this past year. Join us as we gush about all the wonderful creators, characters, games, shows, game shows, and musical genres we enjoyed throughout 2024, and will continue to enjoy on through 2025. And from us on out to all of you, we hope you all have a wonderful holiday season and a happy new year!

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The holiday season is upon us, and we're kicking things off by exploring one of the MANY adaptations of Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol: the 1988 film Scrooged, starring Bill Murray! Along the way we discuss the correlation between the sound of farts and tranquilizer darts, wonder about the taste of Tab, and outline the most efficient method for climbing the corporate ladder (mail room > dog suit > director of programming). We've also got a handful of fun stocking stuffers in the way of IMDb reviews, a top Christmas movies game, movie trivia, and a decidedly horrifying interpretation of the film's...

Over on our Patreon, we're closing out NoVAMPber 2024 with Sports Not Found, a new series that combines Beau's minimal knowledge of sports with Brandon's zero knowledge of sports, and uses it to... staff a vampire baseball team. We may not be experts on the subject, but the team is really, really good looking and... sorry, what were we saying? We kinda got lost in Lestat's eyes.

This teaser for our Patreon bonus episode brought to you in memoriam of Michael Madsen's Vladimir, who tragically passed away after a drunken hot dog-related fall at Suck & Pucker...

NoVAMPber continues with our first foray into the World of Darkness as we discuss Choice of Games' 2020 interactive fiction game Vampire: The Masquerade — Night Road! Will we betray our friend for the sake of rising up the ranks in vampiric society? Will we embrace our inner Anarch and tear it all down? Will we remember how to pronounce Camarilla, and will it even matter if no one can hear us over the sound of the Limp Bizkit CD stuck in our car stereo? There's only one way to find out- but before you click "next," remember to make sure yo...

NoVAMPber is here! This year, we're kicking off the month-long celebration of our fanged friends with Dracula 2000: a thrilling tale of Mayo Van Helsing's quest to escape the sexy clutches of Olive Garden's newest spokesperson, Criss Angel. Or something like that. Beau has also issued his official rebuttal to londonguy_uk: Dominic Purcell in Blade Trinity is a worse Dracula than Gerard Butler.

The above show notes brought to you by Blue Leech: the all-natural method for staying virile at any age. Ask your doctor if penile leeching is right for you!

Happy Halloween! As a special treat in celebration of our personal favorite holiday, we're joined this week by the amazingly talented and hilarious Adal Rifai to help us work through our thoughts on the recent Beetlejuice sequel. We've got games and trivia galore, but also make time along the way to talk teenage bedrooms, discuss our top picks for funeral music, and remind you of the truly horrific fact that sharks are older than trees.

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For October this year, we thought we’d get REALLY spooky with it and turn to our Patrons for their very own Phobiagorias! Listen up for clowns in toilets (really), clowns in showers (yep), and the most unsettled you’ll ever hear Beau and Brandon because of an audio loop. Thanks, Patrons, for the continued nightmares! We love it! There's a lot more where this came from, so for more hop on over to our Patreon and see what other tales we have to tell around this podcast campfire!

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The spooky season ghostly shenanigans continue this week with Sweet Home, the 1989 Japan-only Capcom game for the NES that basically kicked off the survival horror genre and established many of the most-beloved elements of the original Resident Evil! We had veeeeerrrry different levels of enjoyment with this one, but between the frustrations and the praise we manage to find some common ground, as well as explore some gaming history, discuss references in Barenaked Ladies lyrics, and establish the new pictctfork (not a typo)/furnace shared universe between Freddy, Jason and Lady Mamiya.

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Spooky season has begun! This year we're sourcing ghosts, and kicking off the exploration is the 2001 film Thirteen Ghosts, a remake of the 1960 film of the (almost) same name. We talk satanic architecture, admire the lawyer-slicing doors, lament the lack of any Trunchbull to accompany Miss Honey, and share some (possibly better left unshared) lore about the ghosts Cyrus locked in his glass mansion. In addition, this podcast was recorded with special Illusion-O technology! Simply put on the provided Ghost Viewer (tm) glasses at any time and be treated to the same exact show, but now in a red...

And so, our own journey to the west comes to a conclusion. This week we bid the Monkey King a heartfelt zài jiàn and finish our exploration of the character by way of a deep dive on Game Science's 2024 action role-playing game Black Myth: Wukong! We've trekked through the New West, emerged from the Webbed Hollow, and are now deep in spoiler country- so for those who haven't finished the game, tread lightly and... carry a big cudgel? (-Teddy Roosevelt, we think) For everyone else, come on in, get comfy, and feel free to pour yourself a bo...

Turns out Black Myth: Wukong is kinda long, so we're pushing our conversation on the game to next week in order to give ourselves a few more days to finish monkeying around and collect our thoughts. But hey, this is actually good news! Because the Wukong episode is coming in a week late, we've decided to make it up to all you lovely listeners by releasing our latest Patreon-exclusive episode here on the main feed for all to enjoy. And so, we bring you Monkey Madness: a bracket that pits some of our favorite (and, let's be real, least...

We're still working our way through Black Myth: Wukong, but in between boss battles we're celebrating the game's release by continuing our exploration of various adaptations of its source material, the classic Chinese novel Journey to the West! In this third leg of our podcasting journey westward, we discuss the first six episodes of the original Dragon Ball series. That means a discussion about connections to the source material, our love for the Capsule Corporation, but more so than anything else- underpants.

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Since August is spooky season in Japan, we thought we'd close out the month with a teaser for our next episode of Phobiagoria, the series all about revisiting shit that scared us as kids! This time: The Ring gets reevaluated by Beau (who's been so afraid of it since the first time he saw it that he hasn't rewatched it) and Brandon (who really doesn't get why people think this one is scary). We talk all about how the Fab Five would upgrade Samara's look, how this movie is CHOCK FULL of bad parents, what would happen if Samara...

Black Myth: Wukong is out, and we're celebrating the game's release by continuing our exploration of various adaptations of its source material, the classic Chinese novel Journey to the West! In this second leg of our podcasting journey westward, we discuss the 2008 film The Forbidden Kingdom, starring Jet Li and Jackie Chan! Surprising no one, we find a way to pivot back to toilet humor, but it's not all debates over the best way to move those bowels (the answer: Horse Stance, of course). And while this episode finds us disagreeing over certain tropes, forms of escapism, and many...

Black Myth: Wukong is almost here, and we're preparing for the game by kicking off a two-month exploration of various adaptations of its source material, the classic Chinese novel Journey to the West! In this first leg of our podcasting journey westward, we discuss Monkey, the abridged version of the novel. Along the way we get nerdy with history, linguistics, and translation differences between various versions of the book, but don't worry- we still make time to monkey around with poo poo pee pee jokes and all kinds of other shenanigans. So grab that cudgel, pay your respects to...

Summer is in full swing, so what better time than now to fire up the grill, pack a few brewskis in the cooler, and... roll that d20? We're building a full range of barbecue options over on our Patreon bonus episode this month, and rolling the dice to see whether the cookout fates will be serving us up the good, the bad, the ugly, or... whatever word would sufficiently describe that Swedish salad mold (we find the English language sorta falls short here, and suggest using a series of gagging sounds instead). So top off that eggnog and get...

We interrupt your normal podcast feed to bring you some breaking DNN headlines. As a summation to our month exploring the idea of America, this episode is all about one of the most American games ever made: Metal Wolf Chaos! Join us on an odyssey across a greatest hits of locations around these United States (and also Houston) as we take on the role of President Michael Wilson and pilot his armored mech Metal Wolf in a crusade to defeat tyranny and defend freedom for freedom-loving free peoples all across this wonderful world. Because freedom. Now if you'll excuse...

If you're looking for some novel vs. movie comparative analysis, then we have just the episode to stimulate your brain bugs! All through July we'll be looking at media that explores the idea of America, and first up this month is a discussion about the 1959 novel Starship Troopers and its 1997 film adaptation! Along the way we talk big, broad themes, explore what it means to successfully satirize something, ponder the consequences of watching the shower scene alongside your grandfather, and most importantly, try to decide how much French flourish to throw on everything. So put on that armor exoskeleton...

Our Patreon bonus episode for June is the culmination of a month spent discussing dads, and in celebration we've created a new game we like to call Magic: The Daddering! Each of us has a deck of fictional fathers we've sourced from across the media landscape, and we'll deploying them in a contest to decide whose chosen dads can best answer pivotal life questions and offer the best dadvice for tricky situations. To say anything else would take away the fun (and we had a pretty good time with this one), so just get in here already!

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June has been a month for dads, and we're closing it out with a look at one very dad hobby by way of a not-so-dad method: the video game adaptation of the bird-themed engine-building board game Wingspan! This episode has definitely earned its explicit content warning, and all it took was saying a few bird names aloud- but in the midst of ornithological obscenity we've got considered insights, earnest experiences, and an interview with an accomplished birder and photographer! So grab a handful of treats from the feeder, find a nice perch, and don't forget to send your prayers...

Hi, how are ya! June is a month for dads, so we're pulling on our best pair of jorts, easing back in the recliner, and lazing away the afternoon with the 2005 film adaptation of Clive Cussler's novel Sahara! This is an episode about confusion: are those pounds weight, or UK currency? How did that Confederate ironclad make it across the Atlantic? Why are these enemy soldiers so bad at... everything? And why are our former Navy SEAL protagonists just as bad? Heck, we can't even remember how we pronounce the name of this dang movie! But at least we...

May was a month for magic, mothers, and military, and that last one is coming to you by way of MachineGames' 2014 Wolfenstein: The New Order! So grab your moon shoes and make sure your hands are free, because we've got a weapon wheel full of Nazi elimination devices- and when we go Nazi hunting, we go dual wielding.

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May is a month for moms, so in celebration we watched Mamma Mia! (And if it weren't part of the title of the movie, we'd happily remove that exclamation mark). We've got penguin-walking Teletubby choreography with packs of hunks, dippy-ti-dippity-doo melodies, and... we'd probably have more to tease here, but it seems while we were groaning and trying to avert our eyes from the mess on screen, we both missed a few plot points (and there are only a few to go around). That said, we're inexplicably proud of the work we did here. To borrow a sentiment from...

In celebration of Mother's Day, we've got a giant helping of... evil stepmother? Okay, so the baroness may not be the best representative of all the mothers out there, but hopefully she can still help us remember to appreciate ours. This version of the Cinderella tale may lack the more magical elements, but we think it more than makes up for it with the riveting tale of Countess Caribou Coffee's journey to avoid the French Meth Pirate Brigade, defeat Anjelica Huston's eyebrows, and give Prince Dougie Ray a big ol' smooch. So grab an apple or two, don't forget...

It's May! A month for mothers, military, and... magic, because alliteration. First up: magic, by way of the 2005 film adaptation of our favorite warlock, Hellblazer's John Constantine! We gush about our love for Satan (there was probably a better way to phrase that), workshop better endings to the movie, and talk about kicking the smoking habit, which is particularly tough for magicians; they seem to have a habit of stashing cigarettes in their belly buttons. We have a really good time with this one, so get in here! It's, like, our fifth best favorite performance.

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As an addendum to our exploration of Alone in the Dark, we’re closing out April with our first episode of Phobiagoria, a new series all about revisiting shit that scared us as kids! First up: Are You Afraid of the Dark? gets reevaluated on a trip through two episodes that traumatized our dumb little kid brains: The Tale of the Fire Ghost and The Tale of the Renegade Virus! We’ve got body horror and fire safety, but mostly we’re just over here puzzling over what’s going on with that one kid trying to make a move on...

Our exploration of the Alone in the Dark series concludes with the 2024 reboot/reimagining of the original game! Is this the big comeback the franchise has been waiting for? Or is it better left... alone? Grab an ice pick and your best trilby, throw on a doom jazz playlist, and let's find out!

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Alone in the Dark is back, and we're celebrating its return with a month-long exploration of the franchise! First up: Uwe Boll's 2005 "adaptation" of the games, an experience that may or may not have caused us both a pretty severe bout of existential dread. The plot holes in this one are basically caverns, so grab your dad’s oversized ren faire jacket, don some protective paintball body armor, and let's get spelunking! Oh, and make sure you start headbanging a few seconds before the buttrock bulletstorm begins- because as we all know, acting is REacting (to things that are ab...

It’s Beau’s birthday month, so gather all your sandworm pals and let's celebrate Saturn finishing another trip around the sun (you might say our current location doesn't appear to be Saturn, but when has that ever stopped anyone). Patrons are currently enjoying a long, fulfilling discussion about Beau's favorite movie Beetlejuice, as well as our lamentations concerning the abomination that is the NES video game adaptation of the film. Enjoy this teaser- or, to reference some paywalled content in the hopes that it whets your appetite: have a lil' sip of Buseyjuice.

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Bracket season concludes with part two of our video game console design competition! Which system will end up being crowned Source Not Found's most aesthetically pleasing console of all time? Will we choose cubes over wings? VMU over haptics? Can the Switch's functionality overcome its complete lack of curves? Do Androids Dreamcast of Electronic Sega? Get in here and find out!

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It's the third month of the year, so you know what that means: March (insert non-trademarked term here)! As you might expect, our bracket season is completely devoid of sports, so instead we've got a two-part competition dedicated to deciding which home video game console design is the most aesthetically pleasing of all time! Along the way, we'll also consider some other age-old queries, such as: Which console could stunt double for the 2001: A Space Odyssey Monolith? Which one is most likely to give you an STD? Why are all our American electronics just uglier versions of their beautiful...

We swear, we're only playing it for the articles. This week we're trying to better understand the long-running, sexually-charged video game series Leisure Suit Larry by way of its 2018 reboot! And... yikes, it appears we may have misplaced the rest of this show description. No worries though, you can easily make yourselves a substitute. Just toss a dart at the packaging there, that'll get it marked down in price. Now slip out the cucumber and use the lube on that, so you've got a nice and slippery makeshift handle for the plunger. With that in hand, you can pump...

It’s Valentine’s Day, and we’re celebrating the romantic season by giving you all a teaser of our first Patreon bonus episode! In the spirit of the holiday, we’ve got Dateality, a Mortal Kombat-themed dating show, as well as some awkward date stories of our own to share. So grab your sweetheart and come get (metaphorically) double K.O.’ed with us! For the full episode, join our Sourcers tier over on Patreon!

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Valentine's Day is fast approaching, and we're heading into the romantic season by way of the 2006 Amanda Bynes movie "She's the Man"! We've got mustache montages, total disregard for the rules of soccer, and a lot of grown-ass adults playing high schoolers- which is probably a good thing, considering the surprising amount of indecent exposure in this film. Settle in and get comfy, because our first course on Shakespeare is about to commence- or, as they say in man words: it's time to pounce.

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Our New Year's Revelations come to a close with an odyssey through hell as we discuss Larry Niven and Jerry Pournelle's 1976 novel "Inferno"! So sharpen those fingernails, brush up on your Italian, and start thinking about which dictator you're calling in as your tour guide, because you'll want to be sufficiently prepared for when that Empire State Building-sized Lucifer penis starts swinging your way.

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We're ringing in 2024 with some New Year's Revelations, and kicking off our month-long sourcing of the religious side of life is developer Wisdom Tree's unlicensed 1991 NES game Bible Adventures! So grab baby Moses, get yourself nice and oiled up, and let's start cattle stacking before this enhanced interrogation technique they call a soundtrack makes us turn that sling on ourselves.

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We're closing out the year with a celebration of some of our favorite entertainment experiences of 2023! Come on in and join us in this little oasis of positivity before we venture back out into the artistic wilds once more, and who knows- you just might find something new to source for yourself. And from us on out to all of you, we hope you all have a wonderful holiday season and a happy new year!

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'Tis the season, so we're diving into these Hallmark Holidays by way of Netflix's A Christmas Prince: The Royal Baby! Come for the smiles and whimsy, stay for the alternate timeline Silk Road historical analysis. It's an episode so chock-full of scholarship and well-researched journalism, it would fit right in on "Amber's Blog".

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NoVAMPber concludes with a very special episode we call "Two Guys Somehow Survive a Twilight Novel, or: Breadcrumbs for My Climax" (that'll make sense later). We've got armchair psychology exploring Edward's seasonal depression, armchair virology exploring the inner workings of vampire venom, but mostly... we just collapse back into our armchairs and groan. Come on in and join us on Team Alice!

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NoVAMPber continues! It's a month-long celebration of our fanged friends, and this week we're exploring everyone's favorite Dracula-slaying franchise by way of its first 3D entry: Castlevania 64! So rev up that 1852 motorcycle, bone daddy, and don't forget to powder those hands properly- because that next series of platforms, hoo boy, she's a doozy.

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Happy NoVAMPber! All month long, we're celebrating those beautiful, beautiful bloodsuckers, and are starting off with what is quite possibly the suckiest of them all: BloodRayne: The Movie! So grab your most ill-fitting wig, your finest 18th-century wristwatch, and buckle up- because this one is a hell of a ride.

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Happy Halloween! We've got a little fun-sized holiday bonus for your trick-or-treat bag, so join us as we cover the final film in our series: 2003's Freddy vs. Jason! From us here at Source Not Found, we hope you all have a wonderful Halloween. Stay safe out there, check those candies for any fingey knives or machetes, and remember to always discuss with your friends beforehand whose turn it is to give Jason mouth-to-mouth, should it come to that.

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This week, the Sultan of Slash meets the Three Stooges for a machete murder paintball routine, while Freddy the Toilet Terror fends off wizard master acrobats, and we’re just along for the ride. Our Freddy vs. Jason series continues with Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives vs. A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors!

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We're kicking off this spooky season with the ultimate match-up: Freddy vs. Jason! This episode we discuss the Friday the 13th and A Nightmare on Elm Street NES games, and decide which of these horror icons made for a better gaming experience. We've got stylish purple tracksuits, urban legends about Freddy Krueger hiding in your toilet, and a lot of hate for a certain camp counselor named Debbie.

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Ever wondered what it sounds like to hear a person's soul die a little? Boy howdy, do we have an episode for you! We're finishing up our journey through the Mortal Kombat franchise with Mortal Kombat Mythologies: Sub-Zero on the original Playstation. We've got porno-grade cutscenes with thicc ninja men, an endless series of cheap deaths, and a full display of our descent down through unfettered rage and into the depths of madness.

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Our journey through the Mortal Kombat franchise continues with the original 1995 film (and a bit of its sequel, Annihilation). We've got novel/film comparative analysis and fun trivia galore, but really, it's mostly an episode about our love for Johnny Cage. GET OVER HERE!

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The conclusion of our journey through Jeff Rovin's 1995 novel based on the games! We talk inflatable ninja moon shoes, the importance of sharing your soul with your dad, and one very special pigeon. GET OVER HERE!

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The Mortal Kombat reboot is right around the corner, and we're kicking off our exploration of this franchise with Jeff Rovin's 1995 novel based on the games! Violence, adventure, dark demonic magic, and a surprising amount of scholarship await! GET OVER HERE!

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