That's Absurd Please Elaborate

It’s our first episode of the new year! Welcome to 2026! In this, wild episode Trace (recording from his parent’s sun room) explores the chemistry and power of the lasagna battery. Then, Julian flies off the handle about helicopters as a gift for himself for his birthday (Happy Birthday, Julian! 🎂)

QUESTIONS

Julian: "Can a helicopter fly upside down? AND could it land SAFELY upside down on it's rotors?" from Gailmarie

Trace: "How many lasagna batteries does it take to power a toaster oven?" from Bjorn on Spotify

Do you have an absu...

Like Boromir said, "It is a gift! Let us use it against them!" The internet has been taken over by #lofi girls, so we commissioned an artist to turn Julian and Trace into our own #lofigirl for the holidays! (Is it a lofi girl? are we lofi guys? We're honestly not sure. Either way, we did it!!)

We love you all! Thanks for making 2025 such an amazing year (for our little community) even though it was generally a terrible year for gestures broadly. Hope this can being a little light to your holiday season. Enjoy the wintery...

Support your giving goals this holiday season! Go to GiveDirectly.org/Absurd and get a 100% match by Giving Multiplier! (Don't dilly-dally this match is only until the end of the year!)

This episode aired around Easter, prompting us to ask: where does that weird Bunny get all the eggs? And why are there eggs in the first place? Guest Yasmin Khan (The Young Turks) has an answer. Meanwhile, Julian explores the word of bat-style crime fighting on a budget and Trace explores if living on Mars would make us super aggro!

QUESTIONS

Julian: "...

If your life had a soundtrack what would it be? Up-tempo action music? Epic orchestral swells? Romantic… xylophones? Are xylophones romantic? We don’t know, we’re podcasters, not EGOT-winning music producers of screen and stage. Maybe it’s a good thing you can’t hear what’s in our heads… aside from on this show where we say everything in our heads, obviously. In this episode Trace explores what it might be like if the music in your head had a public feed. Meanwhile Julian tries to figure out what he couldn’t do even if he had all the time in...

We did another live show!! I’m not sure how we convinced the Bay Area Science Festival that we are a legitimate podcast, but, hey, people actually showed up to watch the show in-person in San Francisco. We had an extremely tight window, and are famously (infamously?) long-winded, so in this episode special guest Dr Wallace Marshall ponders the nightmare of giant tardigrades, and Trace looks into the availability of gluttony… you know, for science.

If you want to have our show on the road to you — send us an email at hello at thatsabsurdshow.com !

QUES...

Happy American Turkey Consumption Day! 🦃 In honor of the national holiday we've let Kyle out of his editing dungeon and let him celebrate with his family. We're doing the same, and we hope those of you who are celebrating have a beautiful holiday. We're thankful for YOU, not just saying that, we put time and effort into this ridiculous show, and y'all keep showing up week after week. That means so much to us. Thank you. We decided in honor of the release of "Wicked 2: We Swear It's Good," we're re-releasing episode 39! Don't let it melt!

—

Thi...

If we say: Making whoopee. Polishing the broomstick. The pickle tickle. Shagging. Enjoying Taco Tuesday. Parking the beef bus in Tuna Town. Waxing the carrot. Boinking. Glazing donuts. Going downtown. … I think you get what we mean (right?)

This week, special guest Danielle probes the terrible scenario where ‘Doing Taxes’ was more like actually filing financial paperwork than going for a roll in the hay. Meanwhile, Trace gets stuck in some kind of time loop (no groundhogs were harmed in the answering of this question).

In case the above wasn’t clear: This episode definitely acknowle...

You know what's passé? Chemical rockets. Powering a space ship by harnessing the expanding gasses of a controlled explosion and shooting off to parts unknown guided only by fire, math, and spite for the force of gravity? Yawn. What if instead you got like, 40 cyclists with thighs as big as tree trunks that just won't quit, stuck them on some stationary bikes, and used them to power your spaceship like it was a sci-fi trireme from the year 30,000? WOULD THAT SOLVE ANYTHING??? Trace is going to find out.

Meanwhile Julian is very concerned with the structural integrity o...

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary, Over my quaint and curious human egg, forgotten I should stretch my leg— While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door

“Though thy egg be shorn and shaven, thou,” I said, “art sure no craven, Ghastly grim and ancient Raven wandering from a non-avian shore— Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night’s ratetian shore!” Quoth the Raven “No birds no more.”

QUESTIONS

Julian: "What if humans laid eggs a...

In this special HALLOWEEN EPISODE ⚡️ Julian and Trace wear out Kyle’s lightning button ⚡️ and answer some SpoOOoOooOOOoky questions about ⚡️ dangerous animals ⚡️ vampires and in true Millennial fashion…⚡️ ⚡️ ⚡️ alcohol ⚡️

QUESTIONS

Julian: "If a vampire bit and fed off of a very drunk person, would the vampire then get drunk from the persons contaminated blood? If so, would this also work for other substances (like caffeine or THC)?" from Kelly

Trace: "What is the most dangerous animal to become sentient?" from Macks

Do you have an absurd question? Maybe it's a silly idea that popped into your head, a s...

When can we all admit that we’re all scrolling instagram while sitting on the toilet? When will we admit that foods with more surface area are just darn tastier? And when will we admit that … well we’re still on the toilet because of constipation. Julian and Trace will cover all of this in this week’s episode.

Except the instagram thing, that’s still a mystery to science because no one will admit it!! WHEN CAN WE ALL ADMIT THAT WE’RE AL—sounds of being stuffed into a truck

QUESTIONS

Julian: "What’...

Locusts, Squirrels, and Birds OH MY! In this wild episode of the show, Julian drones on like the queen he is all about airplanes and bees. Then, Trace finds some fuzzy commandos to gnaw at infrastructure of New Jersey. Squirrel away this knowledge for a rainy day — as long as the locusts don’t attack your airplane.

QUESTIONS

Julian: "How many bees would it take to Sully a plane?" from Zoe

-- Wiki about Sully’s plane: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/US_Airways_Flight_1549

-- Images of locust strikes: https://www.sm...

Dearest Listeners,

We write from our recording studio's trenches. The air is thick and oppressive. The relentless heat tests our resolve. Our studios, once creative havens, now resemble the crannies of camels. The temperature rises each hour, and so do tempers. We are tired–Listeners—bone-tired, the kind that settles deep into one's soul. Yet we press forward, driven by our duty to document the absurd. Julian hasn't fared well; the heat has frayed his nerves, making him snap at small provocations. Sophie has started doing karaoke and wears strange accents. Trace is... indescribable. We all persist, for...

WE DID IT.

WE MADE 100 PODCAST EPISODES WITHOUT MISSING AN UPLOAD (almost).

To celebrate Trace and Julian decided to do it big. How big? TEN WHOLE QUESTIONS BIG. SO BIG THEY HAD TO ASK THEIR FRIEND SOPHIE SHRAND TO HELP THEM OUT BIG. BIG ENOUGH TO.... BE... LIKE... REALLY LONG... BIG.

You get the idea.

We pulled out all the stops for this absolute marathon of an episode because we owed it to you all. You have made making each episode such a delight with your weird thoughts, running gags, and...

Tired of having to do all your evil deeds yourself? Well with this one simple organism and some ethically dubious genetic engineering you too could have your very own army of immortal minions! (Intelligence and number of eyes may vary). Julian explores what you might need to make these little favorites of moms everywhere. Then Trace explores a pool of saliva.... Just going to leave it at that.

QUESTIONS:

Julian: "If you were to create a Despicable Me Minion what living thing would you start with?" -Ava

Trace: "Is it possible to drown...

Want to make a nanoscale image of the Mona Lisa? Listener Kodiak does. All they have to do is learn a bit of quantum mechanics, some thermochemical nanolithography, and then tap the genius of ancient superbrain Leonardo da Vinci! EASY!! Scientists did it!! Even though you can't see it without a powerful microscope trust us that she is smirking even harder than usual.

While Trace is poking around like Ant Man, Julian roleplays as Frozen's Elsa to see if he can extinguish fire with nothing but an icy blast. Spoiler alert: you may be better off with...

The hip bone connected to the basalt rock

The femur bone connected to the lunar maria

The foot bone connected to the gravitational equilibrium of the celestial bodies!

That’s the story of the bones… and… this episode?

QUESTIONS

Trace: "How easy would it be to break your bones if humans can fly?" from Anonymous

Julian: "How big would the moon have to be to make you weightless?" from Sun

Do you have an absurd question? Maybe it's a silly idea that popped into your head...

his week, Julian prunes the universe down to size: bonsai animals, bonsai humans, bonsai...uhm...did he just say bonsai HUMANS? Meanwhile, Trace tunes into the world of telepathy, where mind-reading might sound less like superpowers and more like trying to pick up a radio station with a bent coat hanger.

QUESTIONS

Julian: "Can you bonsai any living things other than trees or shrubs?" from Ard

Trace: "How would telepathy actually work? Would it be fuzzy like those AI images? Aren’t all brains wired differently?" from Dala

Do you have an...

This week, we and guest Lieven Scheire all ruminate about a new job: Fart Safety Officer. Meanwhile, Trace get’s SALTY thinking about what if the oceans weren’t and Julian calculates the pure pasty reflectiveness of the Britons.

QUESTIONS

Trace: "If we removed all salt from the oceans, would that solve anything about rising water levels?" from Rob

Lieven Scheire: "Could a fart be ruminated to the point where smelling it would kill you?" from Nick

Julian: “Could enough pasty Brits reflect enough sunlight to make a laser?” from Gabriel

Do...

Julian rolls into yet another extremely nerdy community and fires rounds left and right. Meanwhile, Trace calls his mom to help answer a question from a kid. As long as we're not on the subject though, what do tree trunks and military tanks have in common? They’re both flammable.

QUESTIONS

Julian: "Who would win: Dragons vs WW2 tanks” - Tim

Trace: “Why are trees Green and Brown why not purple or something else?” - Rhonda

Do you have an absurd question? Maybe it's a silly idea that popped into your head, a...

Oompa Loompa, do-ba-dee-doo, Julian’s got a blueberry question for you…

Oompa Loompa, do-ba-da-dee, it you are wise you'll listen to … this podcast??

What do you get from a hose to space?

“Is it a straw or a siphon,” asked Trace?

Blaming us for these silly quest-ions

You know exactly what… else happ-pens!

We dig deep and will answer them!

Oompa Loompa do-ba-dee-da,

If you like this pod then you will go far.

You will live in happiness too,

Like the oom...

In this episode, Trace investigates whether your furry companion is cuddling you... or forging a trauma bond in exchange for treats. Meanwhile, in a shocking twist of anatomy, Julian answers what would happen if your muscles worked in reverse. Flexing? Cancelled. Walking? Complicated. Cuddling your trauma-bonded cat? Still mandatory.

QUESTIONS

Julian: "What if muscles worked in the opposite direction?" from Eline from the Netherlands

Trace: "Does my cat have Stockholm syndrome?" from Rob

Do you have an absurd question? Maybe it's silly idea you had, a shower thought about the nature...

In this rebroadcasted episode, Trace resets the solar system to observe what life would be like on a 2/3rds-sized "Wee Earth." Julian, meanwhile, uses particle physics to finally distinguish between his left and right hands.

QUESTIONS

Julian: "If I had some magic communicator to speak to someone in another galaxy, could I explain what "left" and "right" were?" from Anonymous

Trace: "How would have life evolved if Earth was two-three times smaller?" from Moma

Do you have an absurd question? Maybe it's a silly idea that popped into your head, a...

In this episode Trace takes way, way too long to explain that dreams are pretty darn short. Meanwhile, friend of the absurd, Deboki Chakravarti squeezes every last drop of information about breastfeeding.

QUESTIONS

Deboki Chakravarti: "Why do we only breastfeed our babies, but not other close relatives and friends to boost each other's immune systems?" from Kathy

Trace: "How does time in dreams work" from Haurane

Do you have an absurd question? Maybe it's silly idea you had, a shower thought about the nature of reality, or a ridiculous musing about...

It's the most wonderful time of the year! When the fish in the water make the kids scream and holler and panic with fear! That's right, it's Shark Time. You all know what we're referring to but we think the term might be trademarked like the Tuber Bowl and Taco Thursday. Anyway, we're kicking off the celebrations and to help us do so we went out and (politely) caught the coolest shark expert we know, Jaida Elcock, to answer your shark-related musings!

QUESTIONS

Julian: "What adaptation, that is completely absent from all sharks, would be...

In this strange episode Trace obsesses over the wild water system stretching across North America, and Julian contemplates indoor clouds and ACTUALLY ANSWERS: Does this solve anything?!?!

Thanks to Dr Brian Rahm from the New York State Water Resources Institute at Cornell University for answering my silly questions.

Find out more about water: https://cals.cornell.edu/water-resources-institute

QUESTIONS

Julian: "Is it possible to create a cloud indoors?" from Josh in Bozeman, Montana

Trace: "What would happen if everyone in North America turned on all their taps and hoses...

This week we try something a little different — the ⚡️THUNDER ROUND ⚡️ as Jeff Goldblum says in Jurassic Park Uno, “Your [science nerds] were so preoccupied with whether they could, they didn't stop to think if they should!”

In this special episode, Julian and Trace snagged every dinosaur related question we could fit in a shaving cream can. Then, like a couple of velociraptors in a kitchen we made a huge mess of things. There’s a new Jurassic World movie, so we figured if not now — then when? Maybe people are going to go DINO-CRAZY! (we hope). If you have a Jura...

Setting: Dry, warm evening in a small pub in Los Angeles.

Deputy Julian: "Whew-whee! What's that smell?!"

Detective Kyle (with a light drawl): "That's ozone, Julian. Something out of this world happened in this English phone box."

Dep. Julian (looking up at the sky): "By out of this world…you mean up there in the sky?"

Det. Kyle: sighs heavily

Dep. Julian: "I'm going to go check!"

Julian unfurls his giant grotesque wings. After a few large flaps, he has risen into the air. He begins sweating pr...

Trace WOOD really like you to know that Dr Sam Zelinka from the Forest Products Lab is really SWELL, and he is KNOT KIDDING (I’m out of puns). Also, Julian talks about airplanes (again).

QUESTIONS

Julian: "What is the fastest color?" from Rey

Trace: "How much does my house shrink in the winter and expand in the summer?" from Chris

Do you have an absurd question? Maybe it's a silly idea that popped into your head, a shower thought about the nature of reality, or a ridiculous musing about your fa...

When I was a kid, I ran around a corner and a tree branch went right into my eye. Luckily, my mom kissed it and made it all better… or… was it my brain that made it better? And can dogs do that too? Brb, gonna go kiss my dog.

QUESTIONS

Julian: "Do animals get the placebo effect??" from Trevor (poll winner)

Trace: "How long have people been kissing kids boo-boos, and does it work?" from Jenn (she/her)

Do you have an absurd question? Maybe it's silly idea you had, a show...

This is our first LIVE SHOW ever!! We were invited to perform the podcast live at Smith College in Massachusetts and people actually came! Thanks for all your support these past two years. We wouldn’t be here without you all. Thank you!

QUESTIONS

Julian: "Is it possible to maintain a tunnel from one side of the earth to the other? What would be the environmental effects?" from Weina Lu (she/her)

Trace: "Is there a quantity of fireflies that could blind someone?" from Smith student Sarah (she/her)

Naila: “What if p...

Bananas are positively aching to murder you. They’re radioactive, they’re clones, they’re slippery, they’re filled with potassium (which explodes when it hits water). Ignore those mosquitoes over there in the corner, pay attention to this murderous banana! NO DON’T PULL THE CURTAIN

QUESTIONS

Julian: "How many bananas would it take to kill a man?" from Hannah (she/her)

Trace: "Could Mosquitoes go extinct with nothing bad happening to the ecosystem in the aftermath?" from Hannah (she/her)

Do you have an absurd question? Maybe it's a silly idea...

Turns out plants are absolute CHATTERBOXES! They talk so much that they make Julian look like a silent partner (he’s not). Instead, he uses a silly German accent to accost our guest Maren Hunsberger all about plant communication. And, speaking of intense interrogations, Star Wars’ Tatooine gets a lot of play in the pop-science space news, but here at home having two suns is way hotter, and also (surprisingly) WAY COLDER!

QUESTIONS

Julian: "What would happen if our Solar System had two suns" from Hannah

Maren: "If plants ‘scream’ when cut, do they tal...

Let’s just wait a minute while everyone logs on… just a miiiiinnuuuuute, OK do we? I think… Yes, we have everyone! Welcome y’all to our weekly corporate roundtable, before we get started let’s all do some SNAPS for Norm for his Thanos Post-Mortem! The deck was amazing and I think there were some incredible insights to share. But today we’re throwing it over to Trace to speak to our MISSING AMERICAS strategic initiative, and then later, Julian will unpack the objectives and KEY reports which, I think will OPEN so MANY DOORS for our group moving forwa...

Ever notice that our fingers seem to fit perfectly in our nostrils? Is... is that supposed to be like that? Our Patreon subscribers picked this little gem so Trace dug deep to find an answer. Then Julian tries to figure out just what it would take to make a star-encapsulating super structure, better known as a Dyson Sphere.

QUESTIONS

Julian: "What percentage of the earth mass it would take to make a Dyson sphere?" from Phillipe

Trace: "Are we supposed to pick our nose?" from Trevor

Do you have an absurd...

Hi All! Trace and Julian are taking a bit of a break this week but fear not, we still have some content for you! This is one of our favorite old episodes where Julian learns the REAL alphabet, also known as the ABG’s (not a typo); Trace discovers we are all constantly online whether we like it or not by exploring the mysteries of WiFi; and special guest Dr Virginia Schutte dives into a super-powered animal propelled by twerking.

QUESTIONS

Virginia: “What if humans had mantis shrimp powers?” from listener Samara D

Julian...

This episode Julian tries to think of an even better calendar (too bad "Julian Calendar" was already taken) and Trace thinks a thought so hard his head hurts.

QUESTIONS

Julian: "Is there a better calendar than the Gregorian? Would it solve any obscure problems?" from Daniel

Trace: "Can you think something in your head so loud that it can physically hurt you?" from Austin

Do you have an absurd question? Maybe it's silly idea you had, a shower thought about the nature of reality, or a ridiculous musing about your favorite...

Let’s get ready to RUMMMMMMMBBBLLLEEE!! In this corner, we have a normal human who is definitely not a psychopath, and in the opposite corner we have… a fly. Just like, a fly. Also Julian is here and has an amazing story about melting gold with acid rain!

QUESTIONS

Julian: "Could we produce enough air pollution to make the sky rain aqua regia? At what point would it begin to dissolve gold?" from Mateo

Trace: "What is the smallest creature that can be knocked out with a punch?" from Sean

Do you...

Tonight our chefs have prepared an all-natural pasture-raised and pristine ivory-hued plutonic entree, slow-cooked under rich, Indian-spiced tectonic compression for 50 million years, adorned with a constellation of tourmaline and garnet, presented alongside gossamer-thin schist ribbons. Then, for dessert, an insulative coating of CHOOH2 which should leave your myelinated neuronal strands feeling slick and hyper-conductive.

QUESTIONS

Julian: "Would coating your nervous system in a conductive or insulative material boost someone's reflexes?" from Kronik Dreamer

Trace answers TWO similar questions: "How many people would it take to consume the Himalaya mountain range?” and “How many rock...

In this episode, we learn Julian used to wear fedoras. He says, it’s been forever and a day, but I’m going to wait a Planck beard-second to see if that bears out. Before that, Trace combs through the hairy subject of human fur — about which he’s an experienced expert. Plus, like a hair on the tongue of your mind we just can’t seem to stop screaming about this one emo song.

QUESTIONS

Trace: "What if we had the same kind of hair everywhere? Would that solve anything?" from Emilia from Poland

Julia...

Ever get caught in a light drizzle and think, "Ah, this is nice"? WELL WHAT IF IT WAS ACTUALLY HORRIFYING??? Julian explores the several ways air resistance keeps rainstorms from becoming catastrophic bombardments from the sky. Then Trace tries to get inside the mind of Julian's chihuahua. Turns out most of her thoughts boil down to "shake" and "bark".

QUESTIONS

Julian: "What if rain drops did not have a terminal velocity?" from Frederik

Trace: "Do animals think and/or form thoughts in their own language?" from Cooper

Do you have an...

Wheel wheel wheel … this episode definitely gave us both a headache. I swear we’re not going to conquer every silly meme from your group text (or maybe we will?).

QUESTIONS

Julian: “Are there more windows or doors in the world?” from Liam

Trace: "Headaches… Why???!” from Anna from Athens

Do you have an absurd question? Maybe it's silly idea you had, a shower thought about the nature of reality, or a ridiculous musing about your favorite food? If you want an answer, no matter the question, tell us!

HOW TO ASK A...

This episode Trace tears into the age-old question, “What color should your English notebook be?” Special guest MJ Wu from the podcast Everything is Public Health looks at dogs and broccoli and somehow relates them to public health, and Julian attempts to find permanent sunscreen for his pale, pale, oh-so-pale skin. Is it gross? You betcha!

QUESTIONS

Julian: "Permanent Sunscreen?" from MJ

MJ: “What are the wildest journeys that plants or animals have taken because of us?“ from Anna

Trace: "What Color is English?" from Liza

Do you have an absur...

If you were shrunk REALLY ʀᴇᴀʟʟʏ ᵣₑₐₗₗᵧ ₛₘₐₗₗ … would we be able to live? Did the documentary “Honey, I shrunk the kids” LIE to us?! Julian grabs his magnifying glass to learn Mor(anis). Meanwhile, Trace wants to know if … if the … uh, the … BLARG! IF SPEAKING A NONSENSE WORD can actually help!

QUESTIONS

Both questions this week are POLL WINNERS selected by our Patrons! Thanks for voting!

Julian: "I've been shrunk down to 1.8 cm and left in a random suburban backyard; what can I do to increase my odds of survival?" from Aaron

Trace: "Why does speaking gibberish for a...

Easter is around the corner, but where does that weird Bunny get all the eggs? And why are there eggs in the first place? Guest Yasmin Khan (The Young Turks) has an answer. Meanwhile, Julian explores the word of bat-style crime fighting on a budget and Trace explores if living on Mars would make us super aggro!

QUESTIONS

Julian: "How can I be Batman on a Budget?" from Wyn (featuring Jasmine from Give Directly)

Yasmin: "Where did the Easter Bunny get the eggs?" from Emily A

Trace: "Would we all be...

Can the sun be beaten at its own game… OF BEING A SUN?! Julian shines some light on it. Meanwhile, as he spends time on the science of the extremely large, Trace gathers data concerning the massive impact of 0s and 1s.

Note: they are very very very very smol. 

QUESTIONS

Julian: "How many lions would beat the sun?" from Daniel

Trace: "How much does data weigh?" from Yael

Do you have an absurd question? Maybe it's silly idea you had, a shower thought about the nature of reality, or...

Happy love celebration week!! In honor of how much we LOVE our patreon subscribers, Trace and Julian answer two winners of our Patreon polls! It takes two 🎶 to make a dream come true 🎶 It just takes two — or is it three? What if it was three? Julian checks the math. Meanwhile, Trace (wait doesn’t that mean three again?) gets around in the animal kingdom, but not the waay you thiiiink!

If you want to join the patreon go to https://patreon.com/thatsabsurdshow

QUESTIONS

Julian: "What if 1+1=3?" from Nick

Trace: "What is the...

Space, the final frontier — of cuisine. This week Trace unpacks the standard food replicator used by the United Federation of Planets. Meanwhile, in Scene 34, Julian ponders of coconuts could actually find their way to Arthurian England vis-a-vis Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail.

In both answers one COULD find yourself asking, “Where’d ya get the coconut?”

QUESTIONS

Julian: "What would be the most likely way that coconuts would be transported to Arthurian England" from Joshua

Trace: "Is a replicator (the magic food and beverage generating system from Star Tre...

This episode Julian gears up for the last great race with an irresponsible amount of chihuahuas while Trace finds a use for AI that it might actually be suited for.

QUESTIONS

Julian: "How many chihuahuas would it take to complete the Iditarod?" from Loren

Trace: "How many ChatGPT queries would I need to cook an egg?" from AJ

Do you have an absurd question? Maybe it's silly idea you had, a shower thought about the nature of reality, or a ridiculous musing about your favorite food? If you want an answer...

Hey man, like, if you took all the drugs … like, all of them. What would happen? Would you die? I mean, like, that’s just your opinion, man.

But aside from that, and we may be out of our element like Donny, but if you replaced as many body parts as possible with technological wizardry … how many parts would you have left? Would you die?!

QUESTIONS

Julian: "What would happen if all known drugs were taken at once?” from Rohan

Trace: "How much of my body could be replaced with cybernetic implants...

For some reason Julian and Trace both selected Spider-Man related questions. We felt like two Tobey Maguires dancing down the street in perfect sync. Julian critiques Spidey’s famous swingy transportation, and Trace learns a lot from New York City* train nerds.

QUESTIONS

Julian: "Does it actually make sense for Spider-Man to web swing? Shouldn’t he run?" from Jaron

Trace: "How much spiderweb would it take to stop an elevated train in New York?" from Brendan

Do you have an absurd question? Maybe it's silly idea you had, a shower thou...

In this special end-of-year episode we pull Kyle out of his editing hole and the three of us talk through some of your best questions of the year!

Thank you, thank you, thank you for submitting such incredible questions to us. We read every one of them, we see the new ones coming in every day and we want to answer as many as we can! We love you all, and look forward to another year of absurdity. 💕

✨ MOST VOTES FOR FAVORITE EPISODE ✨

Pod 041 - Either you Iocaine or You 1-0-can’t

FAVOR...

Happy holidays! This episode is… weird. Now, normally, we have systems in place to prevent this problem from happening. Somehow we failed. I swear this all happened exactly as you heard! We’re so cooked, y’all. Or at least… that chicken is.

QUESTION

"What is the worst way to perfectly cook a chicken? For example, could you place it a perfect distance from a nuclear bomb to cook it to temperature? Would the pressure of the deep ocean or maybe an impressive hydraulic press cook it like a pressure cooker? Uh. Lasers?" from Justice on Spoti...

There's a quote attributed to Albert Einstein, "sit with a pretty girl for an hour and it feels like a minute; sit on a hot stove for a minute and it feels like many hours. That's relativity." There's no evidence he actually said this, but that didn't stop Julian from turning up the heat on his question. Meanwhile, Trace took the DNA from all his cells and strung it together end-to-end. How long do you think that strand would be? What if we took all the DNA from ALL the LIFE on EARTH?! There's a lot of life here!<...

This week, Trace delves into some temporal fantasies, like: why people think if they could travel into the past they’d become lords and queens, and not serfs or worse!? Meanwhile, Julian measures the terminal velocity of poo-poo and pee-pee in very tall buildings. Our show is so weird.

QUESTIONS

Julian: "If you use the bathroom at the top of a skyscraper, does your pee hit terminal velocity?" from Geoffrey

Trace: "How far back in time could you travel and still fit in well enough to rise to predominance" from Andrew

Do...

If you made a video call to someone on the other end of a very, very, very long stick would it be possible to poke them with the stick before the video showed them that you’d moved? Would this impossible, absurd invention move faster than the speed of light?!? Julian pokes around to see. Then, after a Spongebob-style “Meanwhile” title card… Trace grabs a clock and huh’s about why the hands don’t go counter-clockwise. Do they just go with the flow? or is there something else afoot?? Er… a-hand?

QUESTIONS

Julian: "If you had a very...

Happy Thanksgiving to the Americans! Super-belated one for those Canadians too, eh! And, for the rest-of-the-world… Happy Thursday! To give ourselves a little break to spend with our families on Trace’s favorite holiday we’re re-airing a very early episode of the show. Eat some food, tell your friends you love them, and we’ll be back with a new episode next week!

In episode 6, Julian explores what would happen to a world without a moon, Trace performs a pedagogical project pertaining to placentas, and ✨ special guest ✨ Dr. Ali Mattu tells the robots it’s OK to feel feelings...

Friction! It’s what makes the world go rou— No, wait. That’s not it.

Friction. It’s what keeps the world from spinning off into spaa—- That’s not it either.

Friction… It’s what keeps your shoes from being too slippy, but also, like, just slippy enough?

*Sigh* Also, dog bark science. Enjoy!

QUESTIONS

Julian: "What would a perfectly frictionless surface feel like?" from Adam

Trace: "How bad would a dog's bark have to be to be worse than it's bite?" from Grace

(In a previous...

This episode Julian attempts to make jokes but only hears crickets, Trace turns LA into a flaming dumpster fire and nobody notices, and special guest Dr. Joe Hanson of Be Smart explains how being "just a lil guy" is a superpower.

QUESTIONS

Julian: "How do crickets hear if they don't have ears?" from Joe Hanson

Joe: "What if it was survival of the "cutest" instead of the "fittest"?" from Gerald

Trace: "What would really happen if a volcano (somehow) erupted under LA?" from Matt

Do you have an absurd...

Fun fact: the dinosaur in Jurassic Park that spit acid on Nedry doesn’t exist! I mean, Dilophosaurus does, but it was probably a scavenger, not an evil piñata dinosaur. As long as we’re on the subject though, what if humans could shoot acid? What would that look like?

And, as long as we’re talking about disemboweling humans … how many of their own internal organs does a person need to keep? How many transplants is humanly possible?

Get these and more weird topics in this episode!

QUESTIONS

Julian: "I'm wonde...

Happy Halloween, absurd friends! This time around Julian comes out of his shell to calculate the speed of a Kaiju snail (so much mucus 🤢). Meanwhile, Trace pulls out all the molars—uh, pulls out all the stops on his Fae business plan for TOUTHS Incorporated, The Uber for children’s teeth, and asks: Would That Solve Anything™?!

QUESTIONS

Trace: "What does the tooth fairy do with all the teeth" from Emily

Julian: "Would you have to run from a Godzilla-sized snail?” from Kara

Do you have an absurd question? Maybe it's silly idea...

It's spoOOooOoky season! This week we're scaring you with a giant pasta topping! 👻 Not scared? What if I told you it's a meatball made of EVERY HUMAN? Oh, did I forget to mention that crucial detail? What's more terrifying than a GIANT MEATBALL OF ALL HUMANS?! MWAHAHAHA! (Just imagine the ODOR.) Would something that massive have its own gravity? What would it be like? Julian frightens himself silly pondering this one. Meanwhile, Trace envisions a world where a video game mechanic becomes reality. Would you want the ability to double jump? Personally, I'm far too clumsy. Let's leap into thi...

In this wild episode, Julian infects your brain with the realization that plants can be VERY murdery, and Trace is driven NUTS looking for an elusive immortal animal.

QUESTIONS

Julian: "Why aren’t there plant-based diseases that affect animals?" from Isaiah

Trace: "What food could you feed a squirrel to make it immortal?" from Trevor

Do you have an absurd question? Maybe it's silly idea you had, a shower thought about the nature of reality, or a ridiculous musing about your favorite food? If you want an answer, no matter the qu...

This episode Trace tries to find the secret to happiness and special guest host Dr Rohin Francis swaps out blood for something with a tangy, fruity kick. Oh yeah! Oh no!

QUESTIONS

Trace: "Must we know a negative thing to understand the positive?" from Buena

Rohin: "Could you replace all your blood with kool-aid?" from Allyson

Do you have an absurd question? Maybe it's silly idea you had, a shower thought about the nature of reality, or a ridiculous musing about your favorite food? If you want an answer, no matter...

We haven’t seen this many fireworks since the Rockefeller Center did that spectacularly wild “Salute to Fireworks” back in 2007. This time around, guest-host Ceri Riley ponders what if fireworks were a normal part of the weather? And Trace ponders the spirits of the great beyond. He tries so, so hard not to bring up his time in the Victorian Era. Spoiler: He fails, almost as spectacularly as those damn fireworks.

Julian is off this week, so send him lots of messages telling him how much he’s missed.

QUESTIONS

Ceri: "What would happen i...

This is the episode you're looking for.

This week Trace gets creative with an answer about unponderable ponderances, and Julian goes pew pew a lot with a poll-winning quesiton about Picard’s favorite weapon! We have a NEW HOPE that you’ll enjoy episode 52!

QUESTIONS

Julian: "What would a Star Wars blaster and/or ray gun be like if it could exist?" from poll winner, Nic

Trace: "Where does creativity come from?" from Meredith

Do you have an absurd question? Maybe it's silly idea you had, a shower thought abou...

Get your moisture sensors ready. In this episode Dr Alex Dainis slides into the scientific journals all about lubrication to understand the slip-factor of classic yellow bananas. Meanwhile, Julian argues with an actual, college educated PhD scientist about the wetness of molten lava. Is Julian actually… correct?!

QUESTIONS

Julian: "Is lava wet" from Marlene

Alex Dainis: "What food would be a better substitute for the ol' banana peel slipping gag?" from Gerald

Do you have an absurd question? Maybe it's silly idea you had, a shower thought about the nature of re...

You’re at a hockey game. You grabbed nachos and your favorite sports beverage. The Mighty Ducks are playing their rivals, and you look away from the ice to take a selfie with a selfie stick so long you have to brace it against your hip to snap the pic.

You’re smiling with your crew, when a flash of white light envelops the stadium as the air catches fire. The noise is deafening. When you whip around, you see a hole in the stadium where the Duck’s goal used to be … outside the full moon is melti...

A rogue viking pirate planet hurtles through space looking for plunder and booty. The human race has become a destitute vampiric race obsessed with ancient sea shanties and frequent meteor showers.

A whale in the North Atlantic hears a distant whale song from an individual it doesn’t recognize. It’s repeating a warning to stay away from a large metal ship moving through the area.

Are these possible futures?! Find out on episode 49 of That’s Absurd Please Elaborate!

SPONSOR

This episode is sponsored by Nebula, a creator owned streaming servic...

Description

🎶 Game of Thrones theme 🎶

DRA-GONS. WHAT ARE DRAG-ONS? LET US KNOWWWWWW

OR MER-MAIDS. FRICKIN’ MER-MAIDS… HOW THEY GOOOOO?

PLUS JUUUU-LIAN WANTS TO CHECK ON MIRROR TRAAAACE

HE THINKS, THIS MIRROR TRACE MIGHT BE EVIL TRAAAAAACE!

👏👏👏👏👏👏

Today in Pod 48 Ellen Weatherford from “Just The Zoo of Us” (family friendly) and “Spellbound and Gagged” (NSFW) joins us to talk out about dragons, scientifically correct mermaids and a possible Mirror-Universe Trace! 🤫

QUESTIONS

Trace: "How would you taxaonomically classify a dragon" from Ellen

Ellen: “If mermaids exist, what would...

Welcome to episode 48. Are you allergic to cats? When you visit friends does their cat seem to know (somehow) and roll up on you even though you’re ignoring it?! “WTF CAT. YOU’RE LITERALLY MURDERING ME,” you think intensely while sipping your white wine. “Wait, does the cat… KnOW?!” Trace pours himself a glass of that crisp white, and digs into the science.

Meanwhile, Julian crushes the game and learns exactly how screwed we’d all be if every atom in the human body spontaneously went up one place on the periodic table of elements. Let me tell you, thi...

For this episode Julian and Trace tackled the very uplifting and shiny topics of tornados and nuclear waste. No worries y’all! Everything here is so great! We’re not trying to lift giant building with natural disasters! No way! We’re not attempting to create a wild atomic disaster by throwing waste into an active volcano! HAHA Who would do that?! Cringe, right?

QUESTIONS

Julian: "How many tornados would it take to lift a skyscraper?" from Josh

Trace: "Would dropping nuclear waste into a volcano be a viable solution?" from Fred

Do y...

In episode 45 Julian deconstructs the human experience without our boney scaffold, Trace calculates the detriment (or delight?) of doubling the derriere, and our guest Ben Bowlin (from iHeart Radio’s Ridiculous History, Stuff they Don’t Want You to Know) sings the praises of the American accent.

QUESTIONS

Julian: "What if humans no bones?" from Fabie

Ben: "Why do we have accents?" from Cori

Trace: "What would happen if we all had two butts?" from Super Surprised Pikachu

Do you have an absurd question? Maybe it's silly idea you had...

Trace returns to find out if humans could take the green stuff from plants and make enough energy to live. meanwhile, Julian tries to understand if a wild idea would solve anything… Anything at all?

QUESTIONS

Julian: “What if you filled the grand canyon with ocean water? Would that solve anything?” from Roman

Trace combines two questions: “What if humans performs photosynthesis?” from Danielle, with “How would society function if we were photosynthetic?” from William

Do you have an absurd question? Maybe it's silly idea you had, a shower thought about the nature of...

This week astrophysicist Dr Nora Bailey joins Julian roll a set of huge, spherical dice on the future of irradiated bunnies in mech suits. Yes this is a real question. Does this sound like an episode of that Morty show to you? Me too.

QUESTIONS

Julian: "What is the maximum number faces you can fit on a die before it becomes a sphere?" from Aaron

Nora: "How much radiation would it take to kill a bunny?" from Jarrett

Do you have an absurd question? Maybe it's silly idea you had, a...

This week’s guest host *hic* Sophie Shrand *hic* explores the silly spasm of *hic* hiccuping. Meanwhile, Julian attempts to understand why evolution didn’t re-invent the wheel.

QUESTIONS

Sophie: "Do animals other than humans hiccup?" from Hillary

Julian: "Why don't we seem to see any animals that have evolved wheels?" from Jade

Do you have an absurd question? Maybe it's silly idea you had, a shower thought about the nature of reality, or a ridiculous musing about your favorite food? If you want an answer, no matter the question, tell us!<...

In this episode, it's a battle of (nit)wits! Trace discovers the deadly truth about poison immunity while Julian figures out how to make the worst numbering system imaginable.

Questions

Julian: "Can you still do maths using a unary (base 1) numeral system?" from Mason

Trace: "How long would it have taken Westley to build up his immunity to iocaine powder?" from Tessa

Do you have an absurd question? Maybe it's silly idea you had, a shower thought about the nature of reality, or a ridiculous musing about your favorite food? If...

When Trace was a kid he was a sleepwalker. His parents closed the door to his bedroom. They heard him bonking against the door over and over. They love to tell this story. Now I'm telling you! Sleepwalking is weird, right? Are we the only ones who do that? Julian looks into it. Plus, as long as we’re wondering things … have you ever wondered if you could fling an animal into space? Like a marmot or a coyote! Could a coyote actually go to orbit on top of a giant pile of TNT? (He definitely isn’t going to cat...

This episode Trace travels to the magical land of Oz. It’s disgusting. Meanwhile Julian is going to meet him there as soon as he can fill his head with 7 cement trucks' worth of gas. 

**QUESTIONS**

Julian: "If you were to blow up a person like a balloon, how big would we need to get before we can fly under our own power?" from Isaiah

Trace: "How unclean was the wicked witch of the west?" from Nick

Do you have an absurd que...

Science agrees: black holes are really cool. TAPE listener Robert, on the other hand, disagrees with science, and thinks their slightly-less-dense-but-still-absurdly-dense cousins known as Neutron Stars are cooler. He’s decided to pet one. Julian explores the smorgasbord of ways he would probably die horribly if he tried. Meanwhile Trace geeks out about Stargate, in an effort to dial-in how accurate the gates would really be!

QUESTIONS

Julian: "If I tried to pet a neutron star, what would kill me first?" from Robert Trace: "If Stargate were real, would the address be accurate enough to di...

This week Trace’s quest for answers takes him to a magical fantasy land of wizards, frozen keys, and bodily fluids. Meanwhile Julian discovers that there are about 3 degrees of separation between chickpeas and dynamite. Yes, really.

QUESTIONS

Julian: "Could you make an explosive out of chick peas?" from Jesse Trace: "Can you pee on an object that is so cold that the act of peeing on it can make you colder?" from Luke

Do you have an absurd question? Maybe it's silly idea you had, a shower thought about the nature of re...

Imagine there’s no war. Would we have cell phones? GPS? Shovels?! Would we still be able to pop open a tube of delicious mini-M&Ms? Will a future historian believe the Green M&M was some kind of Goddess of Love? (Yes).

This is a wild ride of an episode featuring TAPE friend Joe Scott of the YouTube show Answers with Joe! Double doses of history PLUS the psychology of food? Chew on that!

QUESTIONS

Julian: "How different would technology be if there was no war?" from Joe Scott

Joe Sc...

Have you ever felt someone’s gaze on you? This episode Julian explores why we seem to sense when eyes are on us. Meanwhile Trace gets lost in a fog so thick he has to drink his way out.

QUESTIONS

Julian: "How much does regard weigh?" from Sabrina

Trace: "Can you drink fog?" from Grace

Do you have an absurd question? Maybe it's silly idea you had, a shower thought about the nature of reality, or a ridiculous musing about your favorite food? If you want an answer, no matter the qu...

You are showering too often. Helicopters are insane. Soap is ancient magic chemistry.

This time around, Trace tells everyone all about cleanliness while attempting to dodge the wellness and clean eating industry zealots. Then, Julian geeks out on the wild engineering of helicopters AND debunks a related meme about jets going to the gym.

QUESTIONS

Trace: "How clean is too clean?" from NeatNit

Julian: "What would happen if you kept a helicopter stationary in the air for 12 hours?" from Amanda

AND Julian answers a BONUS question “A jumbo jet is...

This episode Trace tries to track down the first word ever uttered by human kind and Julian gets confused about how reproduction works… again…

QUESTIONS

Julian: "What if every set of DNA passed on from each individual were identical, respectively?" from Brandon

Trace: "What was the first word?" from Tyler

Do you have an absurd question? Maybe it's silly idea you had, a shower thought about the nature of reality, or a ridiculous musing about your favorite food? If you want an answer, no matter the question, tell us!

Visi...

In this absolutely absurd episode, Dr Simon Clark ponders if human's could colonize an atmosphere like Jupiter's -- Star Wars Cloud City is on trial. Speaking of gas giants, Julian digs into the evolutionary experiment that could give rise to a vampire. But first, Trace leads us off by learning about the uneven distribution of kitty cat toe beans!

QUESTIONS

Julian: "What environmental pressures would have to be present to lead to the evolution of humanoid vampires?" from Jade

Simon: "Could we colonize a breathable gas giant?" from Drew

Trace: "Why...

🎉 Happy Anniversary to us!! 🎊

It’s been one year since we launched That's Absurd Please Elaborate and what an absurdly fun ride it's been. To celebrate we tweaked the show just a bit. Our special guest, producer/editor Kyle Sisk, has selected six listener-submitted questions for Julian and Trace to answer.

The catch? They only have five minutes to do their research.

I know right?

Important Reminder: This format means our hosts cannot spend hours fact checking their answers. Typically we do our best to make sure the science and concepts we prese...

Did you know scientists turned a swarm of crabs into a computer? Julian explores if it can play an old video game. Plus, our guest Deboki feels out animal pregnancy, and Trace learns that Ben Franklin wrote a eulogy for a pet squirrel.

QUESTIONS

Trace: "Would squirrels still be so annoying if we weren’t around to observe them?" from Deboki

Deboki "Can any mammals (other than humans) tell that they are pregnant? " from 80-hd Neumann

Julian: "How long would it take to complete a playthrough of Doom on a computer ma...

This time around, guest Hip Hop MD stamens your pistol and Julian admits (surprising no one) that he flows with nerd core.

QUESTIONS

Julian: "What rapper would make the greatest scientist, and what would their game changing discovery or invention be?" from Maynard

Maynard (Hip Hop MD): "What if people reproduced like plants do" from Anonymous

Do you have an absurd question? Maybe it's silly idea you had, a shower thought about the nature of reality, or a ridiculous musing about your favorite food? If you want an answer, no matter...

This week Julian explores the rocket science of farts. That’s a sentence that had likely never been written until this moment. Trace talks about the science of stasis, a.k.a hyper-sleep, a.k.a. cryo-freeze. As a bonus, we all get to learn the predictive powers of the 1993 classic film “Demolition Man.”

QUESTIONS

Julian: "How hard would I have to far to lift off the ground?" from Ricky

Trace: "Could hyper-sleep ever be a possibility?" from Dartland

Do you have an absurd question? Maybe it's silly idea you had, a show...

This episode Trace imagines what it would take to lock a world in darkness while Julian does something very suspicious with pineapples.

QUESTIONS

Trace: "Would it be possible to have a permanent solar eclipse?" from Aaron

Julian: "Is there an amount of pineapple that can dissolve a human body?" from Macks

Do you have an absurd question? Maybe it's silly idea you had, a shower thought about the nature of reality, or a ridiculous musing about your favorite food? If you want an answer, no matter the question, tell us!

One year ago today we announced the launch of That's Absurd Please Elaborate. Now on this April Fools' day we have another exciting (and real!) announcement (because we're bad at marketing and didn't consider that announcing things on April 1st might cause people to doubt it's veracity).

ASK US A QUESTION

Do you have an absurd question? Maybe it's silly idea you had, a shower thought about the nature of reality, or a ridiculous musing about your favorite food? If you want an answer, no matter the question, tell us!

Visit our website T...

In this revolting episode, our guest Dr Sam Jones asks Julian to never see a man about a horse again, then she weeds out the filth in the animal kingdom, and finally Trace gives us a palate cleanser of starchy, potatoey goodness.

QUESTIONS

Julian: "If all humans never had to poop again — how would it affect the world?" from Sam

Sam Jones: "What is the filthiest absolutely disgusting animal" from Danielle

Trace: "What is the best way to potato" from Mallory

To hear more of Dr Sam Jones’ fantastic work...

This time on T.A.P.E. — Matt Krol digs into cinema history to answer a deathly serious question, and Trace is out cold answering a question mulled over by scientists for centuries.

Julian is helping out at NASA so he’ll be back next week.

QUESTIONS Trace: "Why EXACTLY is ice slippery?" from Matt Krol

Matt: “What actor has died the most in movies?” from Cole

For more of Matthew Krol’s wonderful work you can look on Nebula or YouTube for:

Extra History: https://www.youtube.com/@extrahisto...

This week Julian wonders if you can really cook your jumblies with microwaves and 5G, and Trace dives into linguistics and chemistry to learn if the ocean is actually a very broth-forward soup.

QUESTIONS

Julian: "Microwaves are the most common way to use radiation to cook food, could we use radio, gamma, or X-Rays to cook food?" from Aaron

Trace: "What is soup?" from Silas

Do you have an absurd question? Maybe it's silly idea you had, a shower thought about the nature of reality, or a ridiculous musing about your...

This episode Trace indulges us with why chocolate is so popular on valentines day and Julian goes deep on why his body (and everyone else’s for that matter) is such a mess.

QUESTIONS

Julian: "Can the human body “design” be improved on intentionally" from Xander

Trace: "Why do people like chocolate so much on special holidays" from Lee

Do you have an absurd question? Maybe it's silly idea you had, a shower thought about the nature of reality, or a ridiculous musing about your favorite food? If you want an answer...

In this episode, Trace wonders if "Weird" Al Yankovic influenced a generation of people to say "my back teeth are floating," and Julian time travels to the Triassic with a cold (and maybe a chicken).

QUESTIONS

Trace: "Why do my teeth feel like they are floating or vibrating when I really have to go to the bathroom. " from Spencer

Julian: "If you went back in time to see the dinosaurs, would they go extinct from the common cold?" from Nitai

Do you have an absurd question? Maybe it's silly idea you...

This episode Trace resets the solar system to see what life would look like on “Wee Earth” and Julian finally learns his left from his right thanks for particle physics.

QUESTIONS

Julian: "If I had some magic communicator to speak to someone in another galaxy, could I explain what "left" and "right" were?" from Anonymous

Trace: "How would have life evolved if Earth was two [to] three times smaller?" from Moma

Do you have an absurd question? Maybe it's silly idea you had, a shower thought about the nature of reality, or a...

This episode we have special guest Ralph Crewe (Writer/Producer, Practical Engineering) who gets exhausted trying to explain continuous breathing, Julian mulls over the least pointy thing (shout out to Pod 007) and Trace takes a Mayan Bak-tun to explain why the heck there are 60 minutes in an hour.

QUESTIONS

Trace: "Are there other systems of timekeeping besides Hours/Minutes/Seconds?" from Julian

Ralph: "Can we evolve or engineer ourselves to breathe continuously?" from Henry in Singapore

Julian: "What is the least-pointy thing?" from Ralph

Do you have an absurd...

This episode Trace cracks the mystery of nuts, and Julian tickles a moose and a buffalo* for science!? You’ll have to listen to find out!

QUESTIONS

Julian: "Is riding a moose more like petting a buffalo or tickling a grizzly bear?" from Brendan F.

Trace: "Are nuts actually fruit pits?" from Sandy in Seattle

Do you have an absurd question? Maybe it's silly idea you had, a shower thought about the nature of reality, or a ridiculous musing about your favorite food? If you want an answer, no matter the qu...