Pillow Talks

Penis performance issues are way more common than most people realize… and way more misunderstood than they need to be.

Today’s episode came straight from your questions — from trouble getting or keeping an erection, to finishing too quickly (or not at all), to the stress, shame, and “what does this mean about us?” thoughts that sneak in — we’re breaking it all down.

This episode is about understanding what’s happening, supporting your partner with compassion, and learning how to navigate these moments in a way that brings you closer — not further apart.

💛 In...

It’s been a while since we last covered some of your funniest sex fails… and honestly, we forgot just how creative things can get when pants come off.

We asked, and you absolutely delivered by sending in your funniest, wildest, and most unfiltered stories. We’re diving straight into the deep end today — from the “I cannot believe this happened” moments to the genuine mishaps — and breaking down some of the most unhinged submissions you’ve ever sent our way.

So buckle up. This episode is proof that even the best intentions can take a sharp left tur...

It’s officially that time of year when the New Year buzz is everywhere. Your feeds are full of fitness goals, habit resets, and “new year, new me” energy. And while there’s nothing wrong with wanting to feel healthier or build new routines, this season also tends to stir up a lot of feelings about our bodies… especially when it comes to intimacy.

So today, we’re bringing back one of our most popular episodes ever — a conversation all about feeling confident in your own skin during sex. Whether you’re riding high on fresh-start motivation or feeling a lit...

Text fights hit different.

There’s something about seeing the exact words—line by line, timestamped, impossible to deny—that makes communication breakdowns painfully clear.

In today’s episode, we’re breaking down a real text fight sent in by a community member. We walk through what went right, what went wrong, and where things quietly went off the rails long before anyone realized they were “arguing.”

This episode is packed with practical communication tips, emotional insight, and a few spicy takes you’ll probably want to steal for your own relationship.

Including one...

Every week on Instagram we host “Ask Us Anything” question boxes… and every week we’re hit with hundreds of incredible questions we can’t possibly get to in Stories.

So today we’re pulling back the curtain and taking some of those unanswered Qs and going deep — giving you the nuance, context, tips, reassurance, and real-talk sex ed you wish you got in health class.

This episode is a true mixed bag: libido, orgasm, aging, menstrual phases, mismatched styles, swelling, simultaneous orgasms… the works. If you’ve ever wondered, “Is this...

Having more sex isn’t actually about libido.

(We know — that’s what everyone thinks the issue is.)

In today’s episode, we’re breaking down what really gets in the way of wanting sex more often — and what you can do about it that doesn’t feel forced, pressured, or performative. We share the exact strategies we teach inside Deeper, all built around making connection feel easier, pleasure feel better, and intimacy feel more accessible in your day-to-day life.

Whether you’re feeling disconnected, ov...

It’s the season of gratitude, family time… and figuring out how to have sex quietly. 😅

This Thanksgiving, we’re throwing it back to one of our most iconic early episodes — all about having sex when other people are around. Whether you’re hosting the in-laws, crashing at your parents’ place, or sharing a wall with your roommates, this one’s for you.

💛 In this episode, you’ll hear:

Whether it’s actually okay to have sex when you have guests (or you’re the guest).

Our best stealth-mode tips for keep...

What if the biggest barrier to intimacy in your relationship isn’t stress, exhaustion, or mismatched libidos… but your phone?

In this week’s episode, we’re trying something that might feel a little controversial (and honestly, uncomfortable): no screens before sex.

Yep — for seven days, we challenged ourselves to put down the devices before any kind of intimacy, whether that meant sex, cuddling, or even a deep conversation. And let’s just say… it revealed a lot about how much tech gets in the way of connection.

💛 In this episode, you’ll h...

This week we’re bringing back one of our favorite games, Tie-Breakers!

You sent in the recurring arguments that pop up again and again in your relationship — the ones that never seem to die no matter how many times you talk about them — and now we’re stepping in to make the final call.

From sharing phone passwords to whether it’s really that big of a deal to be 5–10 minutes late, we’re tackling the everyday debates that drive couples just a little bit nuts.

💛 In this episode, you’ll hear:

The difference be...

Whether you’ve been with us from the start or just found the podcast, this episode is basically a cheat sheet for a better sex life.

We pulled together the best of the best from hundreds of episodes — the tips, tools, and “aha” moments that have completely transformed our community’s sex lives. From the rule that saved our date nights to the mindset shifts that made intimacy feel easy again, we’re revisiting the advice that started it all.

💛 In this episode, you’ll hear:

Why the “F*** First R...

This week’s episode is a little spooky, a little silly, and a whole lot of sexy.

Since Halloween is tomorrow, we’re bringing you a “Trick or Treat: Smash or Pass” edition of Pillow Talks. We’re running through a list of playful, sometimes weird, and definitely conversation-starting ideas for you and your partner to try in the bedroom (or… maybe not).

From holding water in your mouth during a BJ to wrapping your partner up like a mummy to switching positions every 60 seconds like it’s a HIIT workout…...

We’ve always promised to keep things real with you — the good, the messy, and everything in between.

And lately… life has been life-ing.

In this episode, we’re opening up about what’s been going on behind the scenes — especially with Vanessa’s dad’s health — and how we’ve been navigating this season both personally and as a couple.

We’ll talk about what’s next for our family, the emotional rollercoaster of managing grief while still finding moments of joy, and what it looks like to pr...

Let’s talk about oral.

We’ve all had those moments where oral feels way more awkward than arousing. You’re lying there, overthinking everything: Do I smell weird? What do I do with my hands? Is my partner secretly counting down the seconds until it’s over?

Sound familiar? Yeah… you’re definitely not alone.

In this episode, we’re getting into the real, raw, and sometimes ridiculous reasons people struggle to fully relax and enjoy oral. We asked our community to spill their biggest...

Every week on Instagram, we host “Ask Us Anything” sessions. And honestly? We get way more questions than we could ever answer in stories.

So today, we’re bringing some of those unanswered Qs straight to the podcast to give you deeper answers, real stories, and the honest, judgment-free advice you’ve been waiting for.

Get ready, because we’re tackling some of your biggest, wildest curiosities about sex, intimacy, and relationships.

💛 Here’s what we’re getting into:

Why some guys are so into swallowing (and what it really means...

You’ve been there: the dreaded text fight.

One message gets misread, emotions spike, and suddenly you’re both typing paragraphs instead of actually talking.

In this episode, we’re breaking down a real-life text fight between a couple navigating mismatched sex drives, rejection, and the heavy mental load of parenting. You’ll hear the raw back-and-forth and get our thoughts on what worked, what didn’t, and how to move these conversations toward connection instead of conflict.

💛 In this episode, you’ll learn:

Why s...

Hot take: when you finally get initiation right, your entire sex life opens up.

Think about it. No more awkward “was that supposed to be a signal?” moments. No more pressure on just one person to get things started. And no more cycle of rejection and resentment. When initiation feels fun, confident, and mutual, everything else in your sex life starts to feel easier, more connected, and a lot more exciting.

We’re back with a re-air of one of our most popular episodes ever, because initiation is one of the...

Did you know that 64% of people say they want more foreplay than they currently get? And most people say they wish it was part of every sexual experience.

No wonder foreplay frustrations are so common. Maybe it feels too short, too routine, or like your partner just doesn’t quite “get it.”

The truth? Foreplay isn’t just a warm-up. It’s one of the most powerful ways to feel connected, build anticipation, and experience more pleasure (especially since only 10–15% of women orgasm from intercourse alone).

💛 In this episode, we cover:

Aging is inevitable. But letting your sex life fade away? Nope.

This week, we’re tackling one of our most requested topics ever: sex and aging.

We’re answering your biggest questions about how intimacy shifts as the years go by: from libido changes, to navigating menopause, to keeping things hot.

💛 In this episode, we cover:

How old is too old to have sex (spoiler: never)

What to do if your libido and your partner’s don’t line up anymore

Navigating perimenopause and helping you...

There is absolutely zero shame in using toys in the bedroom. In fact, they can be a game-changer for pleasure, intimacy, and just plain fun.

Whether you’re curious about where to start, nervous about how your partner might react, or worried about your kids (or pets!) discovering your stash, we’re covering it all in today’s episode.

We’re also sharing some of the funniest (and most relatable) real-life sex toy stories you sent us. Because if you’ve ever had a vibrator confiscated by your toddler or opened a box of anal beads in f...

The postpartum stage can be one of the hardest (and least talked about) seasons a couple will ever go through.

Your relationship changes. Your body changes. Your sex life changes.

And with all of that comes a swirl of feelings you might not have expected:

Resentment toward your partner

A crushing imbalance in the mental load

Feeling “touched out” 24/7

Nervousness (or fear) about having sex again

Worries about your body never feeling — or looking — the same

The awkward, elephant-in-the-room disconnection that can build over mon...

Imagine this: your partner sits you down and says they want to open your marriage…

Not for a real-life person.

But for their AI companion.

Sounds like a Black Mirror episode, right? But it’s real.

In today’s episode, we’re diving into the wild, complicated, and very real intersection of AI and relationships.

From romantic connections with chatbots to emotional venting with AI companions, technology is evolving faster than most of us are prepared for. And it’s already showing up in our love lives in some unexpected...

Ever wondered why you have a certain kink? Or if it’s OK to fantasize about someone else during sex? Or maybe you’ve been curious about cuckolding, breeding kinks, or pegging… but didn’t know who to ask. Well some of you asked us! And today, we’re answering your questions about kinks and fantasies. From the psychology of desire to navigating mismatches with your partner, we’re tackling the wild, the vulnerable, and the deeply human side of sexual exploration (as always, with zero shame and plenty of insight). Whether you’re curious, cautious, or kinky AF, this episode i...

The female orgasm: we’ve talked about it a lot over the years, but it never stops being one of the most requested, most misunderstood, and most fascinating topics we cover.

In this episode, we’re flipping the script and looking at orgasm through a partner’s eyes. What does it mean to be supportive? How can you tell if she’s actually orgasming? And why is it so inconsistent? We’re answering your most Googled questions, plus the ones you’ve been too embarrassed to type into a search bar.

Here’s what we’re g...

You’ve probably heard people say, “Oh, you’ll just know.”

But what if… you don’t know? 👀

This week, we’re diving deep into one of Vanessa’s all-time favorite topics (and the one she first became known for as a sex therapist!): the female orgasm. Whether you’re wondering if you’ve ever actually had one, struggling to feel much of anything, or just desperate to experience the kind of toe-curling, body-melting release you’ve seen in movies — this episode is for you. 💦

We’re answering your most personal, vulnerable, and downri...

You thought last week’s icks were bad? Buckle up, friend.

Because in Part 2, we’re getting into the next-level icks — the ones that make you question everything.

Like… oral sex immediately after intercourse. Or the dreaded dick flop. Or your partner’s casual approach to burping, farting, and forgetting what deodorant is.

These icks go way beyond open-mouth chewing.

We’re talking postpartum rage, peeing with the door open (or worse… the sound), and the surprisingly common hygiene habits that le...

You love your person… but lately… the sound of them chewing is making you cringe.

You’ve got the ICK. So what do you do? And what does it actually mean?!

This week, we’re breaking it all down for you plus what to do when your partner’s quirky habits suddenly feel like a total turnoff. 🤮

We’re also sharing your ick stories — from when baby talk stops being not cute to when dirty texts majorly backfire.

Whether you’re currently...

Does this sound familiar? Your partner asks you to take control in the bedroom… and your brain completely short-circuits.

You freeze. You feel awkward. You suddenly have no idea what to do.

If you’ve ever found yourself defaulting to passivity during intimacy—or if the idea of “being in control” feels totally foreign—you’re so not alone.

In today’s episode, we’re asking the question: Are you letting sx happen to you… or are you a active participant during it?

We’re...

Does it ever feel like you and your partner are just never on the same page when it comes to sex?

One of you wants it more often. One of you needs things to be just right. One of you initiates. One of you never does. It can feel frustrating, confusing, and even a little bit lonely.

But there’s a good chance the issue isn’t actually about how much you want sex… it’s about how you want sex.

In today’s episode, we’re breaking down one of the most important to...

This week, we’re diving into something that seems simple but holds a lot of power in your relationship: touch.

Whether it's a lingering hug, a soft shoulder squeeze, or just holding hands while watching Netflix — physical touch is one of the most important (and underrated) ways to build connection, intimacy, and trust.

But if you’ve found yourselves touching less — or if touch feels off somehow — you’re not alone. We asked our audience, and:

47% said they want more touch

37% said they want better touch

Have you ever wanted a peek inside a man’s brain? 🧠

We’re back with Part 3 of one of our most talked-about episode series — answering all the burning, bizarre, and brutally honest questions you’ve always wanted to ask men.

This week, we’re diving into what men really think about everything from doggy style to aging to the internet daddy of the moment, Pedro Pascal.

🎙️ Here’s what we’re getting into:

What are men actually looking at during doggy style?

What do they think when the...

Have you heard of The Bristle Reaction? It’s a term Vanessa coined—and when we posted about it on TikTok, over 8 million people watched. (You can watch that here 👉 https://www.tiktok.com/@vanessaandxander/video/7206335375453867306?lang=en)

The Bristle Reaction is that moment when your partner reaches out for a hug or a kiss… and your body instinctively recoils. Even when you love your partner deeply, their touch can sometimes create a sense of tension or irritation—and it’s more common than you think.

We asked our Instagram aud...

Ask a sex therapist is back!

Have you ever Googled something about sex and then immediately deleted your search history? 🥵

In this week’s episode, Vanessa (a sex therapist with 20+ years of experience) and Xander (her ever-curious, regular dude husband) answer your most personal, pressing, wait-am-I-the-only-one? questions about sex, intimacy, and everything in between.

Here’s what we’re diving into:

Is it weird if my partner and I don’t kiss during sex? (Pretty Woman, anyone?)

What exactly is pegging?

Is it norma...

Maybe it’s a gross habit that totally kills the mood…

Maybe it’s a bigger issue that leaves you feeling unseen or disconnected…

This week, we’re diving into a question we hear all the time: Should I be putting up with this in my relationship?

Whether it’s your partner’s lack of ambition, a dead bedroom, constant yelling, or socks in the couch cushions (yep, really) — we’re breaking down how to tell the difference between healthy compromise and straight-up self-betrayal.

...

Does sex feel like a chore to you?

According to 86% of our audience? Yes.

Maybe sex doesn’t feel great. Maybe it it’s more about your partner getting their needs met than you. Maybe it’s just started to feel like another thing to check off your list.

But maybe the issue isn’t sex at all.

Maybe it’s that you’re carrying too much — between the keeping the household running (and kind of clean), parenting logistics, and the weight of every singl...

In this episode, we’re giving you a realistic, 4-week plan to help you and your partner get out of that relationship rut — even if you're super busy, overwhelmed, or feeling disconnected.

No grand gestures. No impossible checklists.

Just simple, thoughtful actions you can start this week to feel closer again — emotionally and physically.

Here’s what we’re covering:

The difference between a rut and a red flag 🚩

How we define “realistic” connection (especially if you’ve got zero bandwidth)

Ready for our go-to masterclass on one of the most overlooked (but absolutely essential) parts of intimacy?

We’re bringing back one of our most downloaded episodes of all time — and trust us, it’s worth a re-listen (or a first-time bender if you’re new around here).

Foreplay — the most misunderstood, rushed-through, and skipped-over part of sex. But here’s the truth: foreplay isn’t optional. It’s not just a warm-up. It’s the whole damn vibe.

In this episode, we’re breaking down the 5 biggest mistakes cou...

We’re bringing back a fan favorite this week… and yep, we’re going there.

Butt stuff. 🍑

Back in 2021, we dropped an episode all about backdoor play, and it quickly became one of our most popular episodes of all time. With over 200 Pillow Talks episodes under our belts now, we figured it was time to make it a little easier to find the gems — so for the first time ever, we’re re-airing one of our top episodes.

Whether you’re a little butt-curious or already a fu...

We’re back this week with another coaching episode — where we listen to real voice notes from real listeners who are navigating some seriously relatable challenges. 

From craving more pleasure but not knowing how to ask for it… to dealing with desire differences after kids and trying to orgasm for the first time (yes, ever) — we’re holding space for your stories.

If you’ve ever found yourself thinking:

You...

If you’ve ever joked about “peeing just a little” when you sneeze, or you’re the kind of person who always has to know where the bathroom is, this one’s for you.

Vanessa is sharing her personal (and super vulnerable) journey with bladder issues: how it started, the surprising symptoms, the anxiety it caused, and the expert-backed tools and tricks that actually helped.

We asked our community if they’ve experienced bladder problems — and 62% of women said yes. So if you’re in that group, or just curious to hear...

Is it cheating if you go to sex club… but just to watch?

What about a flirty Snapchat streak with your ex?

A prostate massage with no orgasm? 👀

This week, we’re back with Part 2 of one of our most talked-about episodes. We asked our community to share the moments, confessions, and curveballs that made them ask, “Wait…is this cheating?”

And let’s just say… the gray areas are graying HARD.

Here’s what we’re dishing...

Duration: 01:09:28

We’ve all had that moment — your partner brings something up, and suddenly you’re snapping back with a list of everything they did wrong. But wait… is that defensiveness, or are you just defending yourself?

This week, we’re diving into one of the trickiest relationship dynamics out there: defensiveness. And we’re not just talking about it — we’re unpacking real, raw stories straight from you.

From sex drive mismatches to mental load meltdowns, parenting disagreements to pasta-water disputes (yep, really), these stories highlight how easy it is to get caught...

🎙️ Welcome to our very first coaching episode!

Ever feel stuck in your sex life — like you know things could be better but have no idea how to fix them? That’s exactly where today’s couple is.

In this special, brand-new format, we’re coaching a real life couple, and diving deep into mismatched desire, stress, and the invisible walls keeping them from a more connected, fulfilling sex life.

We break down:

💬 When one partner feels standoffish about sex – What’s really behind the hesitatio...

🎉 We made it to 200 episodes! 🎉

It’s wild to think about how far this podcast has come. There’s one thing we know for sure… we couldn’t have come this far without YOU. That’s why for this very special episode, we decided to celebrate by letting you ask us…

…absolutely ANYTHING.

And you didn’t disappoint.

From personal confessions to relationship deep dives to behind-the-scenes business secrets, no topic was off-limits.

Tune in for an unfiltered...

We’re back with a fan-favorite series—Am I The Asshole? 🎉 You know we love diving into the wildest relationship dilemmas, and today’s lineup is extra spicy.

We’re tackling situations that might hit way too close to home, like:

🚨 Masturbating - do you have to tell your partner every time?

🚨 Journaling about a past relationship—cheating or harmless?

🚨 Going through a partner’s phone (they found what?? 👀)

🚨 A partner picking up an annoying new voice… and refusing to drop it

Sounds messy, right? We’...

Initiating sex in your relationship should feel exciting, not frustrating—but let’s be real… for most couples, it’s anything but smooth.

Whether you're feeling stuck, rejected, or just plain awkward when it comes to getting things started in the bedroom, today’s episode is here to help!

We surveyed our audience, and only 17% of people said they’re happy with how initiation is going in their relationship.

That means a lot of us are struggling with:

🚨 Feeling like one partner is always initiating...

Ever wish you had a sex therapist on speed dial? We get so many questions every week (because you guys are THE BEST) that we just can’t get to them all—so today, we’re dedicating an entire episode to answering your biggest intimacy and relationship dilemmas.

From navigating mismatched libidos to handling awkward bedroom moments, we’re here to break it all down with practical, shame-free advice.

In This Episode, We Cover:

💬 How to address it when your partner gropes you in their sleep<...

🔥 Let’s talk about sex—but let’s make it fun, flirty, and way less awkward. In this episode, we’re telling you about 90 spicy prompts designed to get you talking, laughing, and maybe even blushing with your partner.

We’ll be pulling cards from our brand-spankin-new Sex Talks Card Deck and answering them live, sharing our hottest takes, and reading some intriguing responses from our Instagram community.

Some of these questions will have you reminiscing, some will have you dreaming up new adventures, and others might just be the push you...

Cowgirl is one of the most empowering positions in the bedroom—so why do so many of us avoid it? 🤠 If you’ve ever felt awkward, unsure, or just plain tired when trying Cowgirl, this episode is for you!

We’re breaking down everything you need to know to master this position with confidence—from why it’s one of the best for pleasure to how to move in a way that feels amazing (and doesn’t leave your thighs burning after 30 seconds).

Get ready for expert-backed tips, tricks, and techniques...

Have you ever wondered if there’s something you do in the bedroom that your partner secretly (or not-so-secretly) wishes you’d stop doing? Well, you’re not alone.

A while back, we asked our audience this very question, and the responses came flooding in. So many, in fact, that we had to bring this topic back for Part 2!

In today’s episode, we’re diving into the most common complaints from partners about what they wish their significant other would stop doing in the bedroom. We’re covering everything f...

Ever wonder what we really want to say when someone leaves a spicy comment on one of our social media posts? Well, you’re in for a treat.

Social media has been an incredible way to connect with our community, share free resources, and help couples build their best relationships. But putting ourselves out there also means we encounter some… interesting feedback.

In this episode, we’re diving into the comment sections of our most viral posts. From debates about quickie intimacy to whether or not you should “fuck first,”...

We’re diving into part 4 of one of our favorite series, “Is This Normal?”

We’ll be exploring topics like: Is it normal for my husband to have absolutely no sex drive? Is it normal to never have fought? Is it normal for my partner to talk in a baby voice and for it to turn me off? And even more of your questions!

This episode is packed with real talk, judgment-free advice, and practical tips to help you navigate these tricky (and sometimes awkward!) situations.

Lin...

If you were raised in Purity Culture, you already know how challenging it can be to overcome now that you’re an adult. You spent years being taught that it’s important for you to be wholesome, that pleasure is sinful, and that there are very specific rules you need to follow.

In this episode, we’re sharing stories from people who were raised in Purity Culture, and giving you step-by-step tips for overcoming shame.

Links and Resources:

Reignite your love life i...

Have you ever wanted something from your partner, but found yourself wondering, “Am I asking too much?” Or has your partner ever asked you for something that didn’t feel reasonable to you?

We asked our community to share some of their questionable relationship requests, and the responses were fascinating! Tune in as we break down the line between what’s reasonable, what’s ridiculous, and what’s simply part of being in a relationship.

Links & Resources:

Your Best Week Ever is designed to give the maximum impact for m...

It’s officially 2025 and you might be feeling like your relationship could use a fresh start.

We asked our Instagram audience if they’ve ever wished for a fresh start in their relationship—and the responses came pouring in! We’re reading through your submissions, sharing our thoughts, and offering practical advice for anyone looking to refresh their connection with their partner.

Whether you’re dealing with intimacy, post-pregnancy, or even income issues, we’ve got you covered with tips to help you and your partner move forward and rekindle that spark.

Links & Resources:<...

We were feeling inspired… The Ultimatum is back on Netflix, and it was wild. It left us wondering if our own audience has ever given (or been given) a relationship ultimatum, so we asked!

In this episode, we’re breaking down your ultimatums and sharing our opinions and advice. If you’ve ever considered giving an ultimatum - or if you’re just curious about the ones other people have issued - this is a must-listen!

Links & Resources:

Reignite your love life in just 7 days? ➡︎ https://shop.vmtherapy.com/your-best-week-ever/?ref=podcast-188&utm_term=podcast...

Tis the Season for DRAMA!

We’re so excited to bring you another hilarious “Am I The Asshole?” episode this week. In the theme of the season, we’re doing another holiday edition.

We’re talking about affairs, secret Santa mishaps, and a disastrous salmon situation. Get ready to grab your coziest blanket and cup of cocoa for this new episode of one of our favorite series!

Links & Resources:

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If you enjoyed this episo...

There are a ton of topics we want to cover on this podcast, but sometimes we just don’t have enough material to make a full hour-long episode for each one. So we’re trying something new to give you our hottest takes and tips… a multi-topic episode!

Today we’re talking about being non-hetero in a male-female relationship, period sex, and internal versus external processors. Think of this episode like a podcast tossed salad and get ready to dive in.

Links & Resources:

Join our VIP email list

Follow u...

Today we’re tackling one of the trickiest and most controversial topics we get asked about - porn.

Is it OK to watch porn even if you’re in a relationship? Can it become addicting? Can you forbid your partner from watching it?

In this episode we cover how porn affects you personally, pros and cons to bringing porn into your relationship, and what to do if you and your partner disagree. This is a topic that every couple needs to talk about in their relationship, so use this episode to open up a conversation!

Do you want more physical intimacy in your relationship? In this episode, we’re talking about different kinds of physical intimacy, why it’s so important, how to ask your partner for more, and what to do if you’re worried they won’t understand.

Links & Resources:

Challenge: Sweet Or Spicy

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex educ...

Do you want more emotional intimacy in your relationship? In today’s episode, we’re covering what emotional intimacy actually is, how to get more of it in your relationship, and even what to do if your partner doesn’t understand what you want.

Links & Resources:

Challenge: Sweet Or Spicy

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so muc...

What happens when you have a fantasy that your partner is just not into?

When your “yum” is their “yuck” if you will.

We asked our IG community for stories about times when their partner wanted to try something they weren’t into, or vice versa. Now, we’re sharing our best advice on how to handle the differences.

Links & Resources:

Sign up for our email list: vmtherapy.com/subscribe

Thanks Cozy Earth. Go to cozyearth.com/pillowtalks and use code PILLOWTALKS for an exclusive discount for up to 40% off.

T...

How are we really doing?

We had a plan to talk about a different topic, but once we sat down in front of the mics, we decided to go rogue and talk about what life has really been like recently.

In today’s episode, we’re getting extra personal and sharing some of our ups and downs from the year so far. We’ve got details about all the tough decisions we’ve been making about the future of our company, personal updates about the state of our relationship, and even a behind-the-scenes look at the stat...

It’s time for another edition of one of our most popular series, Smash or Pass! This is where we try out the internet’s weirdest sex tips, so you don’t have to! (We even recorded audio of ourselves trying out a lot of the tips…)

Today’s theme is sex tips from 90’s and 00’s women’s magazines. Do these tips about “driving your man wild” actually work? Tune in to find out!

Links & Resources:

Guide: The Sexual Mastery Package

Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.c...

What’s the difference between a clitoral orgasm, g-spot orgasm, and cervical orgasm? What’s squirting? How common is it for women to orgasm multiple times in 1 session?

Today we’re taking it back to the very first topic Vanessa became known for - female orgasm (Buzzfeed even called her The Orgasm Whisperer)!

In this episode, Vanessa is answering some of the most commonly asked questions about female pleasure and giving you top-tier advice on how to start having the best orgasms of your life.

Links & Resources:

Course: Finishing School

Than...

We’re bringing one of our favorite Instagram games to the podcast, Tie-Breakers!

We asked our community to share some of the things that they just can’t agree on with their partner. We break the tie for them!

We’ve got some interesting relationship stand-offs to dig into for this episode, like who is responsible for chores if only one of you works, if you should charge rent to in-laws, who are living with you, and are you too old for hand jobs?

Links & Resources:

Book: Sex Talks: The Five Conver...

Mutual masturbation is one of the sexiest things you can do in the bedroom! But when we asked our audience if they had ever mutually masturbated with their partner, only 36% said yes.

in today’s episode, we break down what mutual masturbation is, how to get comfortable and confident doing it, and how to take it to the next level!

Links & Resources:

Guide: The Ultimate Foreplay Guides

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable se...

Is it cheating to keep nudes from past relationships? Have an Only Fans account? Have a “work wife”?

For this episode, we asked our community to tell us about a situation they’re in that has left them wondering, “Does this count as cheating?” The answers were fascinating, and we had a blast giving our hot takes.

This is a great episode to listen to with your partner, to make sure you’re on the same page about what counts as cheating in your relationship.

Links & Re...

Is there something your partner does in the bedroom that you’re not sure you should put up with?

This episode was inspired by a message we got from a woman whose husband wears headphones and listens to podcasts while they have sex. She wanted to know if it was OK for her to be upset by this behavior.

Minds blown, we turned to Instagram to ask people what other confusing or unusual behaviors they were putting up with. In this shocking (and honestly pretty unhinged) episode, we’ll give...

Does Vanessa wear the pants in the relationship? Are we skipping out on meetings to have sex in the middle of the day? Are we rich??

It’s time for another round of Ask Us Anything, and we’re answering all your nosiest assumptions. We’re covering the most personal topics involving our relationship, our business, and even our sex lives.

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Course: Your Best Week Ever

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Ever found yourself feeling attracted to someone else despite being in a committed monogamous relationship? Maybe someone cute you saw at the gym. Or a college. Or even your partner’s best friend??

Don’t worry, you aren’t the only one.

Today we’re digging into real stories from our community about times they were attracted to someone else, and giving our best advice on how to handle attraction to other people while in a relationship.

Links & Resources:

Free Guide: 20 Great Complime...

Have you wanted to bring a sex toy into the bedroom but been worried about your partner’s response?

It can be a scary ask! Maybe you’re worried about hurting your partner’s feelings, maybe you don’t even own one yet.

Well, we think sex toys can be an incredibly useful way to balance the orgasm gap and increase pleasure! So in this episode, we’re going to help you introduce sex toys into the bedroom (but without making it weird)!

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“When mommy and daddy lock the bedroom door…”

We’ve all been there at some point in our childhood when someone sat us down and talked to us for the first time about sex. Odds are it was probably awkward, uncomfortable, and maybe left you with more questions than before.

In this episode, we’re digging into all of your true stories about how “The Talk” was given to you, and we’re sharing our stories too.

So if you’ve ever wondered how similar your first...

We’re back with Part 2 of our “What Do Women Really Think About…?” series. We turned to our instagram community again and asked for a new batch of topics.

We’re diving into women’s real thoughts about spitting vs swallowing, their partners watching porn, and some (pretty crazy) wild cards.

Links & Resources:

Ultimate Foreplay Guides

Next Level Intercourse

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship...

Ever had a frustrating situation with a partner that left you wondering, “Is this your problem to fix? Or mine?”

Whether it’s disagreeing on parenting choices or your partner having a fetish that you’re not into yourself, it’s completely normal to be confused about who needs to make a change.

Today we’re bringing back “Is This Your Shit Or Mine?” for part 2. Get ready for some fascinating stories from other couples and our best advice for how to move forward!

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Long distance relationships are hard! About 14 million people are in long distance relationships in the US alone, and most of them report struggling to keep the spark alive. In this episode, we’re going to help you stay connected and keep it spicy with hacks, techniques, tips, and tricks.

Links & Resources:

Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life

Dirty Talk 101

Ultimate Foreplay Guides

Next Level Intercourse

If you en...

Have you ever considered opening your relationship? Or just ever felt nosy about why other people open theirs?

For today’s episode, we asked our Instagram audience to let us know if they were considering opening their relationship. We weigh in on what they should do and give them (and you!) our best advice.

Links & Resources:

Art Of Initiation

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, pr...

Does a lack of privacy get in the way of your sex life? You’re not alone. 62% of our audience say they wish they had more privacy, and 92% of them say they’d be having more and better sex if they had more privacy. If you don’t have privacy, you may find it difficult to get in the mood, relax in the moment, make any noise, or even allow yourself to have sex in the first place.

In this episode, you’ll get access to practical tips taken straight from one of our paid cou...

Did you know that only 24% of people said they’re happy with the level of vulnerability in their relationship?

We asked our community why they struggle to be vulnerable, and heard things like:

-I didn’t grow up being vulnerable, so I don’t know how to do it

-We’ve been together for so long without being vulnerable; it would feel weird to try to start now

-What’s the point of vulnerability?

Our hot take is that without vulnerability, you don’t have a rea...

Your partner wants you to flirt with them more!

But the majority of us feel like we don’t know HOW to flirt. It feels awkward or cheesy... Or we don’t know what our partner will actually like.

Get your notebooks out because today we’re going to teach you how to flirt with your partner! We’ll cover why flirting is so important in long-term relationships, how to get over your resistance to it, and dozens of specific examples of how to flirt.

Pro-ti...

Threesomes are one of the most common fantasies, but most of us feel completely clueless about how to actually make them happen! In today’s episode, we walk you through how to have your first one, and share some hot, hilarious, awkward, and horrible stories about other peoples’ threesomes.

If you’ve ever wanted to have a threesome or just want to hear about others’ experiences, you’re in for a treat!

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Courses & Guides

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Get ready for the highly anticipated third act to one of our most popular episodes yet - Is This Normal?

You’ll get answers to questions like: Is it normal that my husband isn’t instantly turned on when he sees me naked? Is it normal to never have masturbated? Is it normal to get the ick from my husband whom I truly love? And so much more!

Prepare to laugh, cringe, and nod your head in recognition as we address your questions head-on!

Links & Resources:

Next Level Intercourse

If y...

Today we’re getting ULTRA personal, and answering all your questions about our recent experience in couples therapy.

Do we think therapy sometimes digs up stuff that wasn’t a problem? Do we ever hope our therapist takes our side? And of course, the big question that everyone wanted to know… WHY are we in couples therapy in the first place? (We got really vulnerable and emotional with this one…)

We hope these topics (and our sometimes controversial answers) start some conversations that you never knew you needed to have!

Links & Resources:

Our Co...

Are these four communication mistakes ruining your relationship?

In today’s episode we’re revealing the Four Horsemen. Researcher John Gottman discovered that these specific communication pitfalls could predict divorce with over 90% accuracy!

We’re breaking down what they are, how to know if you’re doing them, and what to do to have better communication going forward.

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Our Courses & Guides

Xander’s back in the hot seat answering all your burning questions about male behavior!

Why do guys mansplain? Why do they struggle to find things that are right in front of their faces? Why are men always initiating when we’re right in the middle of something like doing the dishes? Why can’t they ever be vulnerable? And what’s with the obsession over the volume of their cum??

Get ready for lots of laughter and some eye-opening insights.

Links & Resources:

Episode 120: “Why Do Guys Do This?” Xan...

When the spark dies off in a relationship, it’s really easy to blame it on libido.

But is libido actually the problem?

In this episode, we reveal the truth about sex drive and ask a big question, “does libido even matter?”

Links & Resources:

Ultimate Foreplay Guides

Next Level Intercourse

Art of Initiation

Go to Zocdoc.com/pillow and download the Zocdoc app to sign-up for FREE and book a top-rated doctor.

Welcome to our 2nd round of “Know Ya Boo” (bonus points if you get the Parks and Rec reference). Grab your partner, pull up a chair, pour your favorite cocktail or mocktail, and come on a double date with us!

You guys gave us 50 questions, and our job was to guess each other’s answers. The results had us in stitches from start to finish. Make sure you listen all the way through to get the scoop on which one of us comes out on top.

Afterwards, you can play your own version of Know Ya Boo...

What do you do when it’s been a while…

When you don’t remember the last time you had sex. When the idea of initiating feels even more awkward than usual. When you’re not sure if your partner is missing it the same way you are.

In this episode, we’re breaking down why dry spells happen in the first place and telling you exactly how to get back on the horse. We’ll even answer the big question… do we NEED to have sex?

Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you...

We’re back again with another edition of Am I The Asshole. This time around we’re talking about your trickiest in-law related situations.

We’re covering stories about dietary preferences, back-handed compliments, dinner table mishaps, and so much more.

If you’ve ever wondered if you’re the asshole when it comes to your in-laws, our unfiltered takes are here to help you decide.

Links & Resources:

Visit our Homepage

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscri...

A few weeks ago we asked our community if they felt resentment in their relationship and only 29% said no!

Resentment doesn’t feel good for either partner, and it can lead to things like more stress, less sex, and lots of other serious consequences in your relationship.

We decided it was time to create an episode breaking down what resentment is, where it comes from, and how to overcome it in your relationship.

Links & Resources:

Guide: Mental Load Workbook (https://vmtherapy.thrivecart.com...

Imagine this… you’re crawling into bed at the end of the night, thinking, “Hmmm sex sounds nice.”

We hate to break it to you, but you’re too late! You needed to have been planning for this much earlier in the day. You needed to be using our unique approach to foreplay.

Most of us think of foreplay as the stuff we do for 30 seconds before we move on to intercourse, but it’s so much more than that. Today we’re telling you about the magic of all-day, non-sexual foreplay.

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You’ve had a fight over text message with your partner, right? Most of us have! Maybe you sent a text to your partner that was a little too snarky, or maybe you read too much into a message. Odds are your text fight did not end well…

Today we’re breaking down a real text fight one of our followers sent in. It started off as a fight over facial hair, but like most fights do, evolved into something much deeper. We covered topics like body confidence, broken trust, and validation. We point out the thi...

If you’re a Pillow Talks listener, you’re probably on board with the idea of talking about sex openly. But what do you do if your partner is a lot more hesitant?

In this episode, we’re going over why your partner might be feeling resistant, and how you can encourage them to open up. You’ll learn our secret to intimacy-building conversation, plus tons of creative (and even sneaky) ways to get your partner to talk about sex.

Links & Resources:

Book:  Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transf...

We really went there…

It’s time for another round of Smash or Pass! The series where we find the internet’s weirdest sex tips, try them out, and report back to you with all the details.

We dug deep to find the craziest ideas for us to try, and what we found was well… interesting. We’re even taking you into our bedroom during one of the tips so you can hear our live reaction!

The Countdown Method… using a glove… the Nose Dive method. Are any of these new...

“This, uh, isn’t working…”

Most of us have experienced a partner having some performance issues in the bedroom, and feeling wildly confused about what to do. How do you react? What do you say?

And let’s be honest, most of us women take these moments personally. We get into our heads thinking things like, “Am I not attractive enough? Am I bad at sex??”

Today we’re breaking down for you why penis performance issues happen, and how men need you to respond in those extra-sensitive moments. Xander is also hel...

“I just don’t understand where you’re coming from.”

Have you ever been in the heat of an argument with your partner, and felt totally unable see their perspective on the issue?

We put up a question box on Instagram and asked people to tell us about a conflict where they’re experiencing that kind of genuine confusion. Now, we’re breaking down the trickiest situations to help you see your partner’s point of view in a brand new light. You’ll get a fascinating sneak peek into what other couples figh...

Have you ever wondered what everyone secretly fantasizes about? We anonymously polled our audience, and we’re spilling all the secrets today!

We’re also doing a deep dive on all your fantasy questions. Where do they come from? What do they mean? Is there something wrong with you if you don’t have any?

Links & Resources:

Guide:  Sexual Bucket List (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/sexual-bucket-list-29/)

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, prac...

75% of people say that nagging is an issue in their relationship. So we thought it was time we gave our take on this controversial topic.

We’re talking about the differences between nagging, reminding, and micromanaging. When is it nagging versus your partner not carrying their share of the mental load? What do you do when you can’t trust your partner to get something done without nagging?

We also got into a pretty vulnerable conversation about the role nagging has in our day-to-day relationship.

Plus, we’re walkin...

Have you ever wondered what your partner REALLY thinks about your performance in the bedroom?

Well, it turns out there are a few things they secretly wish you’d stop doing…

We turned to Instagram and asked people to anonymously share all of their bedroom pet peeves and red flags. The responses were fascinating. We’re breaking down the most common answers and giving you tips to start the conversation with your partner about what you actually want and like from each other during sex.

Links & Resources:

 <...

Surprise! We’re in couples therapy.

We sat down and recorded one of our most vulnerable episodes yet all about why we’re in therapy and how it’s going. We talked about what to look for in a potential therapist (and where to look) and gave some tips on how to ask your partner to go to therapy with you.

We also got surprisingly deep about the resistance one of us had to going to therapy in the first place…

Links & Resources:

Visit our Homepage (ht...

Today, we’re tackling a huge issue that so many people can relate to… feeling uncomfortable in your own skin during sex. We’re diving into the specific things that make you the most self-conscious, and how these thoughts can impact your sex life.

Xander clues us in on what most men are really thinking about bodies during sex and we get into a fascinating (and very personal) conversation about our own body confidence issues.

If you’re looking for guidance on how to build body confidence so you can stop worrying a...