While We're Waiting® - Hope After Child Loss

When God Holds the Thread: Chase’s Story

In this first half of my conversation with Debra Amick, she shares the story of her son Chase—a talented artist, musician, and gentle soul whose life touched so many. Debra opens up about his early years, the emergence of mental-health struggles in his teens, and the intentional decision she and her husband made to stay closely connected to his heart.

She also recounts the powerful moment when Chase returned to his faith in Jesus and the heartbreaking night he went to Heaven. Through it all...

Duration: 00:30:29

“Even in the darkest valley, the Shepherd is still good—and He never lets go.” 

In this week’s episode, I talk with Meshea Ingram, a mom who has walked through the deepest valley imaginable and found her Shepherd faithful every step of the way.

Meshea shares about her little boy, Briggs—a joyful child with an unforgettable laugh and a big personality that filled every room. In the summer of 2022, a tragic drowning incident changed everything. Meshea speaks honestly about the days she prayed for a miracle while Briggs was on life support, the disappointm...

Duration: 00:48:51

“What if hope isn’t about holding on—but about being held?” 

In today's episode, I had the privilege to sit down with Cheri Fletcher—a writer, speaker, and flash mob aficionado—who shares the story of her daughter Annie, a vibrant young woman whose life reflected creativity, compassion, and faith.

Cheri opens up about the sudden medical crisis that took Annie’s life at just 29, the ache of surrendering to God’s will, and the unshakable truth that we are never left to simply “hang in there”—we are held by the God who goes before us. Drawing...

Duration: 00:43:01

In this week’s episode, I’m joined by Cindy Shufflebarger, who shares the story of her daughter, Ashlynn Faith, and how God’s immeasurable love met her family in the midst of unimaginable loss. Diagnosed with Trisomy 18, Ashlynn lived for three precious days — days filled with both deep sorrow and sacred joy. Cindy reflects on those moments, the way her faith was reshaped through lament, and how journaling became a lifeline that led to her book Dancing in the Rain: Finding Joy in the Midst of the Storm.

We also talk about the Shufflebarger’s beautifu...

Duration: 00:51:10

Today's episode is a little bit different than what you usually hear on the While We're Waiting podcast.  I've invited my husband Brad to join me to reflect on our daughter Hannah’s birthday. She would have turned 34 years old today—which means she’s now double the age she was when she went to Heaven at 17. That realization has hit us a little bit harder this year.

As we’ve been reflecting, we found ourselves thinking about all that’s changed in the world over the past 17 years—as well as the things we’ve lost, the things we’v...

Duration: 00:25:01

In the second half of my conversation with grieving dad Terry Sternad, we see what grief—and faith—can look like more than forty years after the death of a child. Terry’s six-year-old son, TJ, went to heaven in 1983, and while the ache of missing him has never gone away, Terry has discovered that joy and sorrow can coexist through a deep, abiding relationship with God.

In this episode, Terry reflects on how grief has shaped his walk with God and how it has grown into a ministry of comfort for others through GriefShare. He shares candid...

Duration: 00:33:06

When a father loses a child, the world shifts forever. In this first half of my two-part conversation with grieving dad Terry Sternad, he takes us back more than forty years to the day his six-year-old son, TJ, went to heaven—and the remarkable way God was already preparing his heart for that moment.

Before TJ’s death in December of 1983, Terry didn’t believe in God. But through the faithful witness of a coworker and tender moments with his mother, seeds of faith were planted long before he knew how desperately he would need them. On the da...

Duration: 00:32:53

“Surrender is not a moment; it’s a posture I’ve had to return to again and again.”

With these words, Julie South describes the ongoing journey she’s walked since her daughter Bellah’s homegoing. In this second part of our conversation, Julie shares honestly about living with PTSD, how trauma has impacted her family, and what surrender has looked like as she continues to walk with God through grief.

She also reflects on how her grief has evolved nearly six years later, why simple practices like worship rooted in Scripture and putting up the Christma...

Duration: 00:40:16

 “Even in the halls of the hospital, God showed me I was not alone.” 

I'm excited today to introduce you to my friend Julie South.  In this first half of our  conversation, Julie shares the story of her daughter Bellah—a joyful, compassionate little girl whose life was marked by both laughter and serious medical challenges. Julie talks about how her daughter Makaylah’s health struggles prepared their family for medical adoption, how God led them to Bellah, and the joy Bellah brought to their home.

We also discuss what it looked like to navigate countless ho...

Duration: 00:54:25

Kim Allison returns to the While We're Waiting podcast to share more of her story—this time opening up about the loss of her husband, Herb, to suicide, and how God is redeeming the broken pieces of her life. 

She reflects on her two babies in Heaven, Benjamin and Jeremiah, the vibrant life of her son Timothy, who went to Heaven in 2021, the deep valleys of grief she has walked through, and the tools that have helped her trade sorrow for peace. This tender, yet hope-filled conversation points us to God’s faithfulness, even in our darkest momen...

Duration: 01:08:33

"The cradle is a temporary comfort—but the eternal comfort comes from the hope of the gospel.”  ~Ashley Opliger

In this second half of my conversation with Ashley Opliger, she takes us back to the day of Bridget’s birth and describes the tender moments she and her family shared with their tiny daughter, who weighed just 13 ounces. Ashley shares how her mother’s handmade cradle gave Bridget dignity and allowed their family precious time to hold, cherish, and photograph her.

What began as one simple cradle has now grown into Bridget’s Cradles, a ministry th...

Duration: 00:27:58

 “Lament is slowing down to sit in the sadness and bring it to God.” ~Ashley Opliger

The importance of lament is just one of the topics I discussed with Ashley Opliger on the podcast this week.  Ashley is a wife, mom, author, speaker, and the founder of Bridget’s Cradles, a nonprofit ministry she started in memory of her daughter, Bridget. 

In this first half of our conversation, Ashley shares her daughter Bridget’s story—the gift of her pregnancy, the joy of preparing for her arrival, and her heartbreaking loss at 24 weeks gestation. We talk about th...

Duration: 00:32:19

In this second half of our conversation, Kelly opens her heart about the unique challenges of losing a child to suicide and the long road of learning to live with deep grief. She reflects on the endless “what if” questions, the weight of not knowing, and the disorientation that comes with walking through such profound loss.

Kelly also shares about the “waypoints” that marked her first year of grief—things like unknowing, providence, compassion, God’s presence, gratitude, and even disbelief. Each one became a reminder that even in the valley of sorrow, God was there. Nearly three years...

Duration: 00:49:03

Kelly Uribe joins me today to share the story of her son Ernesto—a vibrant, adventurous, and deeply loved young man. She describes his big personality, his penchant for "people gathering", and the artistic eye that set him apart. She also shares about the spring when everything began to change, leading their family into a long and arduous journey through the mental health care system, and ultimately to Ernesto's death by suicide in the fall of 2022.

With great transparency, Kelly recounts the countless appointments, medications, therapies, and programs they pursued in hopes of finding healing for Ernesto. Sh...

Duration: 00:53:29

In last week’s conversation with Chad and Ronni Fellers (listen HERE), we heard the story of their son Paxton—his adoption, his joy-filled spirit, and the day their lives changed forever. We also heard how grief has forced them to wrestle deeply with their faith and the goodness of God in the wake of profound loss.

In today’s episode, part two of our conversation, we focus on something many grieving hearts struggle to understand: lament. Chad and Ronni speak honestly about what it means to bring their pain, their questions, even their anger to God—not as a...

Duration: 00:36:15

We’re beginning a two-part series today with Chad and Ronni Fellers, who invite us into their story and help us understand what it means to grieve with both faith and honesty.

In today’s episode, Chad and Ronni share about their son Paxton, a young man his dad describes as “all gas, no brakes”—his adoption story, his bold and fearless personality, and the morning that marked the beginning of a life-altering journey. 

They talk about the six weeks spent in the hospital, the thousands of people who prayed, and the moment they realized God’s heali...

Duration: 00:40:47

As bereaved parents, one of the most pressing questions we grapple with is this: How do I help my surviving children? We want to support them well, but sometimes we’re met with silence or withdrawal. It can feel like we’re walking blind through their grief. That’s why I’m so honored—and genuinely excited—to share this episode with you today.

In this important conversation, I’m joined by Bobby and Gabby, a father-in-law and daughter-in-law who have each experienced the loss of not just one, but two siblings. With honesty, faith, and compassion, they invite us...

Duration: 01:28:46

I'm so pleased today to be joined by Clarissa Moll—an award-winning writer, podcaster, and author of the bestselling book Beyond the Darkness: A Gentle Guide for Living with Grief and Thriving After Loss.  While Clarissa is not a grieving parent, I invited her to the show because of the practical insights she offers about parenting grieving children. 

In this episode, she shares her personal journey as a widow and how she’s found hope and healing through faith, community, and creativity.  Her wisdom, born from walking alongside her own children through loss, speaks directly to the challen...

Duration: 00:29:41

In this second half of my conversation with Katy Bone, we explore how grief has not only reshaped her life, but also refined her faith and revealed a deeper sense of purpose. Nearly six years after her son Barrett went to heaven, Katy reflects on the ways his short life continues to make an impact.

Katy shares how her grief has evolved over time—from the early days of guilt and resistance to joy, to a place of acceptance where sorrow and hope coexist. She speaks candidly about her struggle with faith in the wake of loss, he...

Duration: 00:28:58

In today's episode, I’m joined by my new friend Katy Bone, a wife and mother whose story is marked by both profound loss and enduring hope. In this first part of our conversation, Katy shares the early chapters of her motherhood journey—beginning with the heartbreaking miscarriage of her first son, whom she affectionately nicknamed “Little Bit.” She speaks about the grief that followed, the anxiety of pregnancy after loss, and the joy of welcoming her daughter Poppy.

Katy then invites us into the story of her son Barrett. From a concerning 20-week ultrasound to a complica...

Duration: 00:37:05

Welcome back to the second half of my conversation with Greg and Cathy Buffkin.

In today's episode, the Buffkins speak directly to the grieving parent—especially the one who has lost a child to suicide and is wondering how to take the next breath, let alone the next step. With transparency and tenderness, they offer hard-won wisdom from their own journey, sharing what sustained them through the darkest days and how God’s presence, along with the support of others, helped carry them forward.

They share honestly about the emotional weight of guilt, the unique stru...

Duration: 00:46:06

Greg and Cathy Buffkin join me on the podcast today to share the story of their son Ryan—a funny and tenderhearted young man who brought joy and laughter to everyone around him. As we get to know Ryan through their memories, we also learn about the hidden struggles he carried and the heartbreaking loss they experienced when he died by suicide in the fall of 2015.

With honesty and grace, Greg and Cathy open up about the complicated grief that comes with suicide loss, including the misconceptions that often surround it. They speak directly to the false be...

Duration: 00:34:36

Rachel Wojo is my guest once again, and today we shift from her story of parenting her daughter Taylor through a terminal illness to the deeper spiritual lessons that followed her death—lessons about grief, surrender, and the hard, holy work of prayer when God’s answer is “no.”

Rachel shares the story behind her latest book, Desperate Prayers, and talks honestly about wrestling with God, receiving painful judgment from others, and redefining what healing really means. We also explore how prayer connects us to God in the midst of spiritual warfare and how—even when words fail—God h...

Duration: 00:37:07

In this first half of our two-part conversation, author and speaker Rachel Wojo shares her journey with her daughter Taylor, who was diagnosed with a rare degenerative condition.  Rachel opens up about the challenges and the joys of parenting a special needs child, walking through divorce and disappointment, and holding onto her faith as Taylor's health declined, ultimately leading to her homegoing at the age of 22 in 2019.  

Rachel is the author of Desperate Prayers and a multitude of other helpful books and resources related to Bible study and prayer.  She also hosts an excellent weekly podcast called Unt...

Duration: 00:31:31

In this second half of our two-part conversation, Austin DeArmond returns to the mic to continue exploring some of the most common myths and misunderstandings people have about heaven—especially those that surface in grief and longing after child loss. Austin brings deep scriptural knowledge and a tender heart shaped by personal experience as a bereaved dad himself.

Together, we dive into thought-provoking questions like:

Do our loved ones in heaven know what’s happening on earth?Will our children still be children when we see them again?Is heaven really "up in the clouds"?Will ever...

Duration: 00:41:12

My friend, Austin DeArmond, returns to the podcast today to explore some of the most common myths and misconceptions people have about Heaven. As a bereaved Dad, Bible translation consultant, and faithful follower of Christ, Austin brings both personal insight and biblical depth to this important discussion.

We talk about questions many of us have wrestled with: Will Heaven be boring? Do we become angels? Will we recognize our loved ones? Is there time in Heaven? What happens to us when we die? With wisdom and grace, Austin walks us through what scripture really says—and doesn't sa...

Duration: 00:38:05

As we continue our conversation from the previous episode, Josh and Nicole Kingsbury open up about how they’ve walked through grief as a couple after the loss of their daughter, Amber, to suicide in 2021. They share the early commitment they made to protect their marriage amidst the pain and the ways they’ve learned to communicate through their differing grief styles.

We also discuss the "before and after" of child loss, hear some of their favorite scriptures, talk about the importance of lament in the grief journey, and hear how doing ministry together has been a big...

Duration: 00:43:29

I recently had the privilege of sitting down with Josh and Nicole Kingsbury as they shared the beautiful and heartbreaking story of their daughter Amber. A vibrant, creative, and compassionate young girl who loved Jesus, Amber touched the lives of everyone around her. Josh and Nicole reflect on her love for art, her deep bond with her brother, and her passion for helping others.

They also discuss the subtle changes they noticed as Amber entered her teenage years — changes that were very typical for an adolescent girl. In a moment that would forever alter their lives, Amber ma...

Duration: 00:39:50

Welcome to Episode #254, which is a continuation of my conversation with Michael and Peggy Mages. In our last episode, we were introduced to their son Mason—a bold, kindhearted, and faith-filled young man—and the tragic day they lost him in a drowning incident.

In this second half, Michael and Peggy open up about life in the aftermath of loss. They share advice for newly bereaved parents, reflect on how grief has changed their marriage, their parenting, and their walk with the Lord, and offer insight into what it means to persevere in faith when the pain does...

Duration: 00:44:50

Today, I’m honored to welcome Michael and Peggy Mages to the podcast to share the story of their son, Mason—a deeply thoughtful young man often referred to as an "old soul", who loved everything John Deere and Star Wars, was always prepared with a pair of pliers, and displayed confidence in exactly who God created him to be.

In this first half of our conversation, you’ll hear about Mason’s unique personality, the impact he had on those around him, and the day that changed everything—the drowning incident that placed Mason into the arms of Je...

Duration: 00:51:35

In Part Two of this powerful conversation, Brad and Karen Nadolson continue sharing the story of their daughter Bethany—this time focusing on how life has unfolded in the wake of her homegoing.

With honesty and grace, they talk about walking through the earliest days of grief, how their relationship with God has deepened, and the ways they've learned to honor Bethany’s life while continuing to live with purpose and hope. They speak about how grief affects marriage, how they’ve navigated holidays, and what it means to truly see the good even when your heart is bro...

Duration: 00:42:10

In this first part of a two-part conversation, Brad and Karen Nadolson share the story of their daughter Bethany—a vibrant, faith-filled young woman whose life was defined by compassion, courage, and an unwavering desire to serve others.

Listeners will get to know Bethany through her parents’ eyes—from her love of travel and missions, to her selfless work with children in Haiti, to her brave fight with cancer. Through every chapter of her life, Bethany chose to see the good, a motto that shaped how she lived and how she faced unimaginable challenges.

Brad and Ka...

Duration: 00:38:57

Welcome to Episode #250, which is a continuation of my conversation with Brian and Danna Mayhall.  Their daughter Amelia went to Heaven in July of 2013 after sustaining a devastating brain injury due to a woman’s deliberate decision to drive the wrong way down the freeway. In last week’s episode, we came to know Amelia’s beautiful and compassionate spirit and the painful circumstances surrounding her death.  

Today, we continue that conversation by stepping into some of the most tender parts of the Mayhall's grief journey—walking through forgiveness, learning how grief evolves over time, and discovering how hope c...

Duration: 00:34:25

I was honored to sit down with Brian and Danna Mayhall recently, who joined me to share the story of their daughter, Amelia—a young woman whose life was characterized by kindness and compassion.   

Amelia sustained a devastating injury after a woman made a deliberate choice to drive the wrong way down the freeway and crashed into her car.  In today’s episode, you’ll hear about the months Amelia lived beyond the crash, the tender loving care given by her parents, and her ultimate homegoing in July of 2013.  

You’ll also hear how the Mayhalls hav...

Duration: 00:41:53

Last week I introduced you to my friend Jeannie Williams, and we heard the story of her precocious and compassionate 11-year-old son Jeffrey, who died from carbon monoxide poisoning in a hotel room in 2013, an incident that left her with permanent after-effects as well.  

In today's episode, Jeannie shares how grief has impacted her relationships with others, the challenges of finding a new identity after child loss, and the advice she would offer to newly bereaved parents. We also discuss the dangers of carbon monoxide poisoning—what she has learned from her own experience and the precautions she...

Duration: 00:32:07

Today, I have the privilege of introducing you to Jeannie Williams, a mother, wife, and "retired" homeschool teacher, whose life took an unimaginable turn in June of 2013.  

Jeannie will share the story of her son, Jeffrey—his kind heart, his love for reading and Lego (with no “S”), and the joy he brought to those around him. She’ll also open up about the tragedy that took place in a hotel room one summer night and the journey of grief, faith, and healing she has walked ever since. I believe you will be comforted and inspired by our conve...

Duration: 00:40:23

Thank you for joining me for the final bonus episode in this series in which I’ve been sharing our family’s experiences in the last year of our daughter Hannah’s life, which spanned from February 2008 through February 2009.  I’ll be completing the series today with a wrap-up about the ministry which developed out of Hannah’s homegoing.   As always, my desire is to give glory to God and point listeners to hope in Jesus along the way.  I’m so grateful you’ve joined me over this past year … Your listens and your kind comments have been a blessing to my he...

Duration: 00:05:14

A friend of ours got us connected with an architect who donated his time and drew up a plan for our dream retreat center.  The facility would incorporate the existing house, adding a large dining room, a commercial kitchen, and ten private guest rooms, each with its own bathroom.  No more bunk beds with creaky plastic mattresses or shared bathrooms!  This gentleman created a beautiful concept drawing and presented it to us one snowy Sunday afternoon.  Then he told us the estimated cost ... One MILLION dollars!  We had $3,000 in our While We're Waiting bank account.  

Thank you for jo...

Duration: 00:04:56

For three years, we had wonderful bereaved-parent retreats at Family Farm.  As awareness began to grow about the ministry via word-of-mouth, internet searches, and our Facebook presence, our waiting lists also began to grow.  Even with adding more retreat dates at other locations, we could no longer keep up with the demand for these events.

And as wonderful as Family Farm is, it was not an ideal location for the types of retreats we were hosting.  After all, it was a children's camp ... complete with bunk rooms filled with bunk beds.  Definitely not ideal for a grieving pare...

Duration: 00:04:00

Last week, we heard the story of Nanette's beautiful daughter Katie’s life and the day everything changed for their family. Today, we continue our conversation, diving into what life has been like in the years since that time. Nanette shares the scriptures that became her anchor, the importance of sound theology, the challenges of navigating sibling grief, and how she's learned to trust the nail-scarred hands. If you’re wondering how to find hope after devastating loss, this episode is for you.

Click HERE to listen to Part One of my conversation with Nanette.

Clic...

Duration: 00:30:55

That first bereaved-parent retreat in April of 2011 turned out to be above and beyond all we could have ever asked or imagined.  We knew from our experience at the Respite Retreat what God could do when a group of like-minded bereaved parents got together ... but this first While We're Waiting Weekend was such a sweet confirmation of what we believed God was calling us to do.

Buoyed by the success of this first event, we quickly scheduled our next retreat for November of 2011.  And you know what?  That retreat almost didn't "make." 

Thank you for join...

Duration: 00:04:34

Over the next few months, we met frequently to discuss plans and pray about our upcoming retreat for bereaved parents.  Several times we drove out to Family Farm and included Stan and Donna May in our planning meetings.

Thank you for joining me for another bonus episode in this series in which I’ve been sharing our family’s experiences in the last year of our daughter Hannah’s life, which spanned from February 2008 through February 2009.  This series would not be complete without a discussion of the ministry which developed out of Hannah’s homegoing.  If you’ll indulge me...

Duration: 00:04:16

Brad and I returned home from the Respite Retreat still basking in the glow of the new relationships we'd formed, the things we'd learned from spending time with other bereaved parents, and a renewed hope that it was still possible to have joy in life in spite of our great loss. 

We had a strong sense that God was calling us into a similar type ministry for those who had lost children, but we had no idea how to move forward with it.  We talked about it a lot, and we sought God's direction, but we just di...

Duration: 00:04:50

Even though I didn't really want to go, and this thing was way outside my comfort zone, Brad and I signed up for the Respite Retreat scheduled for Labor Day Weekend in September of 2010.  We couldn't have known at the time what a profound impact it would have on our lives.  

Thank you for joining me for another bonus episode in this series in which I’ve been sharing our family’s experiences in the last year of our daughter Hannah’s life, which spanned from February 2008 through February 2009.  This series would not be complete without a discussion...

Duration: 00:06:32

During the final days of Hannah's life, many people dropped by the hospice center and left books, gifts, food, and other items for our family.  These kindnesses were so greatly appreciated.

Most of these gifts were accompanied by a card indicating who had given them.  But one gift, a book called "Holding On To Hope" by Nancy Guthrie, was accompanied by a card signed only with the initials "plc".  The anonymous person who brought that gift could not have foreseen what an impact it would have in our lives. 

Thank you for join...

Duration: 00:04:24

Thank you for joining me for another bonus episode in this series in which I’ve been sharing our family’s experiences in the last year of our daughter Hannah’s life, which spanned from February 2008 through February 2009.  This series would not be complete without a discussion of the ministry which developed out of Hannah’s homegoing.  If you’ll indulge me for a few more bonus episodes, I’d like to share how God used Hannah’s storm to birth the While We’re Waiting ministry to bereaved parents.  As always, my desire is to give glory to God and point liste...

Duration: 00:03:16

Today’s episode features a conversation with my friend Nanette Klinect.  We discuss the beautiful and miraculous story of her daughter Katie’s adoption, the tragic accident that changed everything, and the hard and holy privilege she had to walk her home to Heaven. With honesty, faith, and even a touch of humor, Nanette reflects on grief, healing, and the ways she continues to see God's hand at work in her story.  Lean in and be encouraged.

Click HERE to register or to learn more about the Our Hearts Are Home conference coming up in Lynchburg, Virginia, in Apr...

Duration: 00:44:48

There never really was any question where Hannah's body would be buried.  There's a beautiful cemetery in Briggsville, Arkansas, where the Sullivan family farm is located.   Hannah spent many happy days at the farm ... hunting, riding 4-wheelers, and just hanging out with her cousins. Occasionally, we would stop at that cemetery and visit the graves of her great grandparents and other relatives. She always loved to walk around and read all the different headstones. It's a beautiful country cemetery, on a hillside with lots of trees and a gorgeous view. We knew that was the right place.

Th...

Duration: 00:05:36

Hannah's life was celebrated at First Baptist Church in Hot Springs on this date sixteen years ago.   We had two goals for the service -- to honor Hannah's life and to point people to Jesus.

I remember stepping into the church building feeling so very raw and exposed.  Even though Hannah's death was not a surprise, it was a shock, and I was very much still reeling from effects of that shock.  Walking down that long aisle to be seated in the front row was an incredibly surreal experience. 

Thank you for joining me for anot...

Duration: 00:06:11

As I've been looking back through all the emails passing back and forth between the newspaper, our friends and family, the church staff, etc., that went on in those days immediately following Hannah's homegoing, I'm struck by how "together" I appeared to be.  My communication skills were intact and I was generally coherent, but I remember none of it.

Thank you for joining me for another bonus episode of the While We're Waiting podcast in this year-long series in which I share our family’s experiences as our teenage daughter Hannah battled glioblastoma brain cancer from February 2008 thr...

Duration: 00:06:17

Most families don't have the opportunity to prepare for their child's death the way we did.  We had known for a year that Hannah's cancer could be fatal, and even though we prayed earnestly for earthly healing, we knew from the beginning that God may choose to heal her in Heaven.  And, of course, we eventually reached the point where we knew her death was a certainty unless He dramatically intervened. 

So in the final days of her life, we frequently discussed what her actual passing might be like.  We'd been assured that it would be peaceful endi...

Duration: 00:05:37

Today's episode is a continuation of my conversation with Erik and Susan Totera about their daughter Reilly, an amazing young woman with a strong entrepreneurial spirit, who went to Heaven a little over two years ago.  Today, they share how they are navigating the waves of grief, how their perspectives have shifted, and how they continue to find strength from the Lord in the face of sorrow. They remind us that while grief is heavy, it does not have to be carried alone.  Lean in and be encouraged.  

Click HERE to listen to Part One of my con...

Duration: 00:38:56

I woke with a start sixteen years ago today.  I had slept for several hours without interruption, which had not happened in a long time.  It scared me, and I immediately jumped up to check on Hannah.  She had slept all night, and was still sleeping.  She looked different somehow; better, in fact.  She was sleeping in a more naturally relaxed position and her color seemed to be improved.  Brad came into the room about that time (he and Bethany were staying in a room right next door) and he also thought she seemed better ... 

Thank you for joi...

Duration: 00:07:28

The entire time we were at the hospice center had a distinct air of unreality.  The fact that we had reached the point where we were re-living the anniversaries of the events which had brought us to this place just added to that sense of illusion.  Surely this wasn't happening to our family.  Surely this was all some kind of crazy dream.  Surely Hannah was going to be fine. 

But no ... there we were, in a hospice center with our 17-year-old daughter whose grasp on this life was becoming more tenuous. 

Thank you for joining me for...

Duration: 00:05:09

It's a very surreal thing to write an obituary for your own child.  It's even more surreal when your child is sitting beside you as you write it.

After Hannah's doctor confirmed that there was nothing else medically that could be done for her and that unless God intervened in a miraculous way she would be going to Heaven soon, I decided to begin making preparations for her funeral.  If you know me you know I'm a planner by nature, so this was not unusual although the situation certainly was.  I was afraid that once Hannah left for...

Duration: 00:04:25

It’s one of the most ancient of all questions, “Why does a good God allow people to suffer in this world?  I discuss three options in my email from sixteen years ago today.  

Thank you for joining me for another bonus episode of the While We're Waiting podcast in this year-long series in which I share our family’s experiences as our teenage daughter Hannah battled glioblastoma brain cancer from February 2008 through February 2009.  My desire is to process through the events of those twelve months with the perspective that 16 years has brought … and point listeners to hope in Jesu...

Duration: 00:03:49

On this day sixteen years ago, Hannah received two surprise phone calls, both from well-known musicians who had played a significant role in her life.  Each of them spoke words of encouragement and and gave us special memories with Hannah that we will always treasure.  

Thank you for joining me for another bonus episode of the While We're Waiting podcast in this year-long series in which I share our family’s experiences as our teenage daughter Hannah battled glioblastoma brain cancer from February 2008 through February 2009.  My desire is to process through the events of those twelve months with...

Duration: 00:03:11

Many people came to visit us when we were in the hospice center, but only a few actually got to see Hannah during that time. She was never one to like a lot of attention even before she got sick, and I knew she would not be comfortable with visitors, especially in her condition.  We wanted to protect her dignity as much as possible; therefore, only the people we knew she would really want to see were allowed in.  Three of her best friends from elementary school were included in that group. 

Thank you for joining me for...

Duration: 00:03:02

You may recall that on Hannah's last day at Children's Hospital before we moved to hospice, some dear friends brought us a box of Krispy Kreme doughnuts. Hannah ate a couple bites of one, but let us know with her limited communication skills that it wasn't as good as a spudnut.  Now, if you're wondering what in the world a "spudnut" is, let me fill you in. In El Dorado, Arkansas, there is a little hole in the wall called the Spudnut Shoppe, where they make the most delicious doughnuts in the world. I am told that they are m...

Duration: 00:05:33

Today, I have the privilege of speaking with Erik and Susan Totera, who I met when they attended one of our While We're Waiting Weekends in eastern Tennessee.  They join me to share the story of their own personal testimony of second chances, as well as the story of their daughter Reilly ... a remarkable young woman who was blessed with creativity and an entrepreneurial spirit ... and we discuss how their faith is carrying them through her sudden and unexpected death. Their journey is a testament to God's presence in times of deep sorrow and His promise of eternal life, a...

Duration: 00:53:16

I'm not gonna lie ... When we got to the hospice center and found out there was no wifi, I may have freaked out just a little. The emails and messages we received daily from so many wonderful people had become such a part of our lifeline it was hard to imagine being cut off from them.  And writing my daily emails was actually playing a role in keeping me sane.  Leaving Hannah's side to go to Starbucks for wifi access was just not going to work.

Thank you for joining me for another bonus episode of the Wh...

Duration: 00:05:12

Brad and I moved a lot during the early years of our marriage ... College, graduate school, first job, second job, etc.  Even after the girls were born, we continued to move frequently.  Moving is always stressful, yet there's usually excitement involved too ... a new house, new neighborhood, new friends.  We were used to moving and all that came along with it.  But today we faced an entirely different kind of move ... Moving Hannah from Arkansas Children's Hospital to a hospice center across town.

Thank you for joining me for another bonus episode of the While We're Waiting podc...

Duration: 00:08:52

This day began with Hannah nibbling a Krispy Kreme doughnut and ended with us making decisions about how we wanted to spend our final days with her.  

Thank you for joining me for another bonus episode of the While We're Waiting podcast in this year-long series in which I share our family’s experiences as our teenage daughter Hannah battled glioblastoma brain cancer from February 2008 through February 2009.  My desire is to process through the events of those twelve months with the perspective that 16 years has brought … and point listeners to hope in Jesus along the way.

  Duration: 00:08:17

**WARNING** - This post is fairly graphic and could be upsetting to some.  If you are sensitive to discussions of blood, you may wish to skip it.  

On this date sixteen years ago today, we found ourselves racing to Arkansas Children's Hospital emergency room in the wee hours of the morning.  Hannah's low platelet levels were the culprit, and after a brief stay in the emergency room, we were admitted.  Surprisingly, her doctors decided to go ahead with the MRI, even with all of this going on.  The results were reviewed with us that afternoon and they were...

Duration: 00:08:30

It was Valentine's Day.  Exactly one year had passed since Hannah had shown the first symptoms of the brain tumor which was now slowly taking her life.  It had been a roller-coaster year full of MRIs, needle sticks, radiation treatments, chemotherapy, hair loss, platelet infusions, and hospital stays.  We had watched our daughter go from a vibrant, healthy 16-year-old with high academic aspirations to a weak, nearly-blind 17-year-old with the mind of an old woman with Alzheimer's.   But in spite of the physical and mental changes cancer had wrought, it had not stolen her sweet spirit.

Thank you...

Duration: 00:03:01

It was Friday, and time for the junior high Valentine dance, and even though Bethany had been out of school since Tuesday, she had made plans to attend.  Since Brad was available to be home with Hannah, I was able to spend the day with her.  We already had her dress, and I enjoyed taking her to get her hair and make-up done that afternoon at my regular salon.  She had plans to ride to the dance with a group of friends, so I figured once we got her all beautiful, she would head out for the evening and I w...

Duration: 00:03:25

Today's episode is a continuation of my conversation with Shawn and Sandy Smith about their son Andrew—a joy-filled boy with a love for music—who went to heaven in 2009 after a courageous battle with DIPG. 

Today, we look at what life has been like over the sixteen years since Andrew went home to Jesus.  In this episode, Shawn and Sandy open up about how they’ve learned to carry their loss, what has brought them comfort, and how their faith has deepened in ways they never expected.

We’ll talk about the struggles and the hope...

Duration: 00:32:46

During our clinic appointment sixteen years ago today, we had the opportunity to chat with Hannah's oncologist while she received her requisite platelet infusion.  She was scheduled for an MRI on Monday, which would tell us a lot about what the future might hold.  Her doctor was very honest with us, explaining that he believed the results would indicate progression of the cancer.  He went on to say that if that was indeed the case, there was very little, if anything, that could be done for her medically from this point on. 

Thank you for joining me for...

Duration: 00:04:41

After hearing the news that we may just have six to eight weeks left with Hannah, Brad and I sat down together and made some decisions.  One was that he would take a leave of absence from his job as her high school principal.  Part of this was just practicality ... as Hannah was able to do less and less for herself, he would be needed to help with her care.  She was basically the same height and weight as me and while we had been managing pretty well so far, I knew I wasn't going to be able to lif...

Duration: 00:05:35

When we arrived at Children's Hospital sixteen years ago today, the waiting room was packed and every bed in the infusion room was full. It was obvious we had a long wait in front of us. Hannah was completely exhausted just from the ride to Little Rock that morning, and could barely sit up in her wheelchair.  The brightness of the waiting room assaulting her dilated pupils made things even more uncomfortable for her.  I didn't know how we were possibly going to make it through the morning.

One of the nurses noticed Hannah's struggle, and called us...

Duration: 00:06:32

From my email 16 years ago ...

Every day, we hear from at least one person (usually several people) about how much Hannah's story has touched, or even changed, their life. It is such an incredible blessing to us to hear that, and I want to take a minute to explain why. The night before Hannah's brain surgery last February, she shared a story with us that she had never told us before. Many of you have heard this story; most of you probably have not, so with her permission I want to share it with you now. 

Duration: 00:03:15

Joining me today are Shawn and Sandy Smith, who I had the opportunity to meet when they attended our first While We’re Waiting Weekend in Michigan a couple years ago.  Their faith has been tested in ways most of us can hardly imagine—first, when Sandy was diagnosed with breast cancer, and then, just days later, when their six-year-old son Andrew was diagnosed with DIPG, an aggressive and terminal form of brain cancer. 

Through every challenge, every difficult conversation, and every painful moment, Shawn and Sandy clung to their faith, trusting that God had a purpose even i...

Duration: 00:34:11

During this hospital stay, it hit me full force how weary Hannah was becoming.  She had been so strong for so long, and her body (and mind) were finally wearing down.  It was clear that she was in the process of dying, and as much as I didn't want her to go, I also didn't want to push her beyond her limits.

I really just wanted to take her home and let her live the time she had left without chemotherapy treatments, platelet infusions, spirometers, and isolation masks.  It was time for her to rest.

Tha...

Duration: 00:06:36

It may sound strange to say that even though Hannah had been battling brain cancer for nearly a year, she really hadn't been "sick" very much.  Yes, she dealt with ongoing headaches, nausea, low platelets, and fatigue, but for the most part, she had been able to cope with these things and still live her life.  Her only hospitalizations, other than her initial surgery, had been for fevers that spiked up when she was neutropenic.  And during those hospitalizations, we would watch movies or TV shows together (one time we watched the entire Facts of Life series), and she too...

Duration: 00:03:41

We were now using a wheelchair exclusively for our trips to Children's Hospital, and had become pretty well resigned to its use away from home.  But as time went on, Hannah was becoming less and less able to walk independently, even in our home.  She began to depend upon one of us to support her as she walked from the living room to her bedroom, and needed assistance to stand from a seated position.  In an effort to allow her more independence, we ordered a walker from medical supply, thinking she could use that to get around the house wit...

Duration: 00:03:55

One of the most painful parts of Hannah's cancer journey was witnessing the decline of her cognitive skills.  She was a girl who had always taken great pride in being a straight-A student, consistently at the top of her class, always completing her work before it was due ... and suddenly she was having difficulty putting sentences together.  She was becoming more and more quiet as the struggle to find words began to overtake her.  It was around this time that we decided it was time to have a serious conversation with her about the future. 

Thank you for...

Duration: 00:05:58

Last Wednesday, I introduced you to Kurt and Denette Schaer, parents of Logan, a remarkable young man with a knack for making others feel “seen” and a deep desire to point people to Jesus. In May of 2022, just a few days after his high school graduation, Logan and a passenger died after he drove his car into a pond.
 
In today’s conversation, we delve deeper into the aftermath of that incident and how God continues to walk them through their grief.  We cover a wide range of topics including how their grief journey continues to evolve, how God...

Duration: 00:44:12

As the days went by, it became more and more apparent that the chemotherapy Hannah was receiving was having very little, if any, effect.  Her oncologist had been searching for a clinical trial or experimental treatment that we could try, but her consistently low platelet levels made her ineligible for any trials.  There was nothing to do medically but continue on the path we were on.

Her earthly future was becoming more and more uncertain, but because of a decision she made when she was a little girl, we could rest in the fact that she was et...

Duration: 00:03:15

The long-awaited new season of American Idol was now underway, and as always, our family life began to revolve around watching the bi-weekly and sometimes tri-weekly episodes.  This particular season included a young singer from Conway, Arkansas, named Kris Allen.  Hannah spotted him in the first episode ... after all, he was from Arkansas, he was talented, and he was super cute!  Naturally, he became her instant favorite.  The next time the show aired, I said something about watching for the guy from Arkansas ... and Hannah said, "There's a guy from Arkansas?"  

It was one of the most jarri...

Duration: 00:04:06

Kurt and Denette Schaer are the parents of three sons, including Logan, a young man with a knack for making others feel “seen” and a deep desire to point people to Jesus. In May of 2022, just a few days after his high school graduation, Logan and a passenger died after he drove his car into a pond, leaving the Schaers with a multitude of unanswered questions.  Central to their journey has been their deep faith in God, which has enabled them to come to peace with not having all the answers.  Lean in and be encouraged. 

Click HERE to...

Duration: 00:41:02

At some point during that year, I began to carry Hannah's red laptop with me on every trip to Children's Hospital.  This laptop had been a surprise birthday gift for her back in October ... made even more special because all of our extended family contributed toward its purchase.  Unfortunately, she had only a brief window of time that she was able to use it herself due to her vision issues.

At her appointments, there was always a lot of sitting around and waiting ... waiting for bloodwork to be done, waiting for platelets, waiting for chemo infusions ... and I...

Duration: 00:03:29

Just a couple weeks prior to a family gathering, the four of us had watched the movie "Facing the Giants" together.  We had seen it before, when it was in the theaters, but when we watched the DVD at home during this season of our lives, the movie seemed to take on new meaning.  The overarching themes of God's sovereignty in the uncertainties of life, never giving up, and facing our fears in His strength were very timely.

While everyone was at our house that weekend, Hannah announced that she wanted all of us to watch that mo...

Duration: 00:04:08

We were loved so well during Hannah's year-long cancer journey.  My "summary" email from the day before prompted a virtual flood of emails filled with prayers, well wishes, encouraging words, and above all ... love.  Even now, sixteen years later, I don't have the words to express how much the emails, cards, letters, gifts, phone calls, texts, etc., meant to our family as we walked through the fire.  I still have them today ... and I am still so thankful.

Thank you for joining me for another bonus episode of the While We're Waiting podcast in this year-long series in...

Duration: 00:03:07

Today's episode is a continuation of my conversation with Courtney Mount, whose daughter Millie died from neuroblastoma cancer in July of 2020.   Courtney is a homeschooling mom of nine, a blogger, a freelance writer, and the author of the children's book "Millie Finds her Miracle" and the "Embracing a Miracle" devotional journal. 

Her latest book is titled “She Died, I Didn’t:  A Mother's Story of Surviving Grief, Sustaining Faith, and Recognizing Miracles Along the Way.  Today, we reflect on the challenges of returning to church after the loss of a child, grief in the context of marriage, honoring...

Duration: 00:33:02

Do you remember playing the Telephone Game when you were a kid?  It was best played with a large group of kids sitting in a circle.  The first kid would think of a sentence (the longer the better) and whisper it into the ear of the kid sitting next to him, and so on.  By the time it went all the way around the circle, the result was inevitably quite different than the original sentence which started the game. 

That's what started to happen in our community and the communities surrounding it as Hannah's illness progressed.  We began...

Duration: 00:09:33

Hannah's appetite was good at this point, probably stimulated by the steroids, and she still enjoyed going out to eat.  With her poor vision and motor skills, it was a bit of a challenge getting her in and out of restaurants ... but if she wanted to go, we took her.  On this particular day, it was Macaroni Grill, and she enjoyed her favorite dish -- Penne Rustica. 

Thank you for joining me for another bonus episode of the While We're Waiting podcast in this year-long series in which I share our family’s experiences as our teenage daugh...

Duration: 00:02:42

At this point, I rarely went anywhere other than back and forth to Children's Hospital every other day.  I was no longer working, I was unable to attend church, and even my trips to Walmart were rare.  As Hannah's motor skills and vision began to decline, Brad began to accompany us more and more often on our trips to Little Rock to assist with transporting her.

Thank you for joining me for another bonus episode of the While We're Waiting podcast in this year-long series in which I share our family’s experiences as our teenage daughter Hann...

Duration: 00:04:45

When I was a little girl, sitting in my Sunday School class in the basement of First Baptist Church of Phillips, Wisconsin, I learned all about the Israelites wandering in the wilderness for forty years, and how God gave them manna to eat. Our teacher described manna as little wafers that tasted like honey. I remember wishing I could taste manna, because I knew I would like it. Anything that tasted like honey had to be good. I remember thinking the Israelites were really lucky because they got to eat that stuff every day. Little did I know that...

Duration: 00:06:57

I’m excited to welcome another return guest to the podcast today, my friend Courtney Mount, whose daughter Millie went to Heaven in July of 2020 following a battle with neuroblastoma cancer.  Courtney is a homeschooling mom of nine, a blogger, a freelance writer, and the author of the Millie Finds her Miracle collection.  Her latest book is titled "She Died, I Didn't:  A Mother's Story of Surviving Grief, Sustaining Faith, and Recognizing Miracles Along the Way."  

It’s so easy, after the loss of child, to feel that everything good in your life has died … honestly, leaving some paren...

Duration: 00:33:11

The increasing intracranial pressure impacted Hannah's pupils, making it impossible for her to read or do anything that required close-up vision, such as text on her phone or look at social media.  She was able to see the television fairly well, so when she was awake, we generally passed the time watching TV.  The one time of day she always seemed to be awake was early evening when Wheel of Fortune came on.  We would watch it as a family, and even though she could barely see the screen, and might have even dozed off for a second or two...

Duration: 00:04:22

The remainder of that brief hospital stay passed in a blur.  The sudden roller-coaster plunge of the last couple of days had taken a toll on us.  The news that the "very faint stuff" seen in the area of the original tumor on Hannah's MRI from just three weeks ago was now "regrowth of cancer cells" had left us reeling ... especially after being told that everything was stable.  The sudden introduction of an additional chemotherapy drug with an entirely new slew of side effects was also a bit much to take in.  At this point, we just wanted to go h...

Duration: 00:03:17

We woke up that morning with a renewed hope that maybe ... just maybe ... the treatments were working.  Maybe all the increased issues we'd been seeing weren't actually signs she was leaving us, but just side effects of the chemo.  After all, her MRI was good!

Then came the body blow. 

Thank you for joining me for another bonus episode of the While We're Waiting podcast in this year-long series in which I share our family’s experiences as our teenage daughter Hannah battled glioblastoma brain cancer from February 2008 through February 2009.  My desire is to process throug...

Duration: 00:03:51

We were truly thankful for the time Hannah was able to enjoy with our extended family over the Christmas season, because once the holidays were over and everyone had headed home, her health unexpectedly began to decline.  Double vision had been an ongoing issue since she was first diagnosed, but it suddenly worsened and she struggled to get her eyes to focus together.  A feeling of being "off balance" was also part of her normal daily life, but virtually overnight she began having to lean on the wall for support as she walked down the hall.  With this troubling and...

Duration: 00:05:25