Campaign On Dice
By: W4B
Language: en
Categories: Leisure, Games, Comedy
Two men rolling dice and reading a book together. It's cooler than it sounds.
Episodes
Episode 308 - Spectral Stalkers part 1 LIVE!
Jan 07, 2026We bring a live audience of our beloved listeners to a smelly tent and an endless library, as we go looking for the Spectral Stalkers. Or maybe try to escape from them, it's not really clear.
May our stamina never fail!
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CLASSIC Episode 38 - House of Hell part 4
Dec 31, 2025After Mark was taken away by bad men last episode, it's Martyn's turn to enter the House of Hell and get boozed up with fear whilst a vampire and his butler try their best to kill him with hospitality.
May our stamina never fail!
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CLASSIC Episode 37 - House of Hell part 3
Dec 24, 2025What's the point of this book anyway? To find a phone? To kill a vampire? To open all the doors? We do our best to achieve at least one of these goals in this week's episode.
May our stamina never fail!
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CLASSIC Episode 36 - House of Hell part 2
Dec 17, 2025Locked in a strange house full of scary things, Mark has taken on the challenge to down some booze every time his fear level increases. Hope he doesn't lose his head.
That's a reference to a ghost that appears in the book.
May our stamina never fail!
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SUPP...
CLASSIC Episode 35 - House of Hell part 1
Dec 10, 2025We've broken down on a dark and stormy night, so of course the most sensible thing to do is approach the spookiest house and start snooping around. Just stay in your car and read a book. Maybe a Steve Jackson book. Not that Steve Jackson. The other Steve Jackson.
May our stamina never fail!
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Episode 307 - Legend of the Shadow Warriors part 8
Dec 03, 2025It's bad enough when a strange woman clamps her hand over your mouth and drags you into an alley, but when it happens in fantasy made-up medieval times it's probably a lot worse.
May our stamina never fail!
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BL...
Duration: 00:26:32Episode 306 - Legend of the Shadow Warriors part 7
Nov 26, 2025We didn't choose to fight a witch unarmed. That would be stupid. Our listeners, on the other hand, are well up for some bare-knuckle witch boxing.
May our stamina never fail!
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Episode 305 - Legend of the Shadow Warriors part 6
Nov 19, 2025A swarm of skeletal scoundrels is seeking a skirmish. We're happy to oblige them, except we've got no weapon and we're definitely going to be destroyed. How long is this episode...?
May our stamina never fail!
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Duration: 00:48:30Episode 304 - Legend of the Shadow Warriors part 5
Nov 12, 2025If you're heading out into a fantasy made-up medieval times world full of dangerous shadow warriors, do you go shopping for weapons and armour, or novelties and fireworks? BECAUSE YOU CAN'T HAVE BOTH, GREEDY!
May our stamina never fail!
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Episode 303 - Legend of the Shadow Warriors part 4
Nov 05, 2025A man made of shrubbery has accused us of not being worthy, which is quite cheeky, but also very hard to prove wrong given our track record.
May our stamina never fail!
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Episode 302 - Legend of the Shadow Warriors part 3
Oct 29, 2025We're hiding in a wizard's showroom, which is definitely a real thing, messing with all his stupid magic stuff, the stupid magic idiot.
May our stamina never fail!
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Episode 301 - Legend of the Shadow Warriors part 2
Oct 22, 2025After gambling all our gold and buying all the equipment we didn't need directly caused our downfall last time, we've definitely probably learned our lesson I expect.
May our stamina never fail!
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Episode 300 - Legend of the Shadow Warriors part 1 LIVE!
Oct 15, 2025Recording 300 episodes has made us experts at Fighting Fantasy adventure gamebooks, so we invited a group of loyal listeners to join us for a live show and witness how easily we deal with every challenge. EVERY SINGLE ONE!
May our stamina never fail!
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Episode 299 - The Keep of the Lich Lord part 5
Oct 01, 2025After a tragic and untimely end, we're back to carry on the adventure as if nothing happened. If the bad guys can use necromancy, why shouldn't we?
May our stamina never fail!
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Episode 298 - The Keep of the Lich Lord part 4
Sep 24, 2025An elf needs our help and a bigoted human with questionable views about elves says we shouldn't help. What a conundrum.
May our stamina never fail!
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Episode 297 - The Keep of the Lich Lord part 3
Sep 17, 2025We're gathering information about a necromancer in a tavern covered in garlic next to a cemetery colloquially known as "vampire cemetery." If only there were some clues as to why the innkeeper wants to get out of town...
May our stamina never fail!
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Episode 296 - The Keep of the Lich Lord part 2
Sep 10, 2025A colonnade is a row of evenly spaced columns supporting a roof or arches. It certainly isn't some kind of dirty lemonade like you thought. Dirty.
May our stamina never fail!
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Episode 295 - The Keep of the Lich Lord part 1 LIVE!
Sep 03, 2025A necromancer has returned from the grave as necromancers do, so we're off to fight pirates and zombies to convince him that was a bad idea. It'll take all the Stamina, Resolve and bodily fluids we can muster, especially as we're being heckled by a live discord audience.
May our stamina never fail!
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CLASSIC Episode 108 - Sorcery! The Shamutanti Hills part 5
Aug 27, 2025We've come this far and barely touched our spells, but with a skill-sapping curse in place we might not have any choice. After all, the book is called Sorcery, not Stabbery. Will we meet a MANTICORE before Tim is driven away by our incompetence?
May our stamina never fail!
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CLASSIC Episode 107 - Sorcery! The Shamutanti Hills part 4
Aug 20, 2025Cursed by a witch and infected with the plague, we do the responsible thing and visit as many crowded public places as possible without social distancing.
May our stamina never fail!
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CLASSIC Episode 106 - Sorcery! The Shamutanti Hills part 3
Aug 13, 2025From charity work to women in cages, there's a broad and questionable spectrum of encounters this week as Mark and Martyn continue their journey through the Shamunatatantiti Hills, or Shamutanti Hills if you can read.
May our stamina never fail!
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CLASSIC Episode 105 - Sorcery! The Shamutanti Hills part 2
Aug 06, 2025Death by acorns or starvation? Mark and Martyn continue exploring the Shamutanti Hills whilst Tim does all the heavy lifting, but will teamwork make the dream work, or will indecision cause division?
May our stamina never fail!
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BLUE...
Duration: 00:42:24CLASSIC Episode 104 - Sorcery! The Shamutanti Hills part 1
Jul 30, 2025For a change of pace, someone who can actually read leads Mark and Martyn through the first of Steve Jackson's Sorcery! series. Tim Byrne faces the challenge of wrangling two players who are so bad he needed to be on the other side of the planet to deal with them.
May our stamina never fail!
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Episode 294 - Black Vein Prophecy part 6
Jul 23, 2025We wake up on the wrong side of the sarcophagus once more, because if at first you don't succeed, try, try again. And maybe on the third try, some of the story might start to make sense...?
May our stamina never fail!
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Episode 293 - Black Vein Prophecy part 5
Jul 16, 2025We hunt some bandits because a woman we just met said we should. This can only go well.
May our stamina never fail!
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Episode 292 - Black Vein Prophecy part 4
Jul 09, 2025Too horsey for Boy's Town. Too much of a boy for Horsey Town. We run into a Man-Horse Mutant again, and only hope there are fewer bricks involved this time...
May our stamina never fail!
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Duration: 00:34:43Episode 291 - Black Vein Prophecy part 3
Jul 02, 2025A zombie or a mummy or something wakes up and starts wandering around aimlessly, as we start again and try to make this playthrough better by... *checks notes* ...making more boring choices.
May our stamina never fail!
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BLUE...
Duration: 00:34:24Episode 290 - Black Vein Prophecy part 2
Jun 25, 2025With the lowest initial skill score possible, we head towards a town full of monsters with much higher skill scores that definitely want to kill us.
May our stamina never fail!
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Episode 289 - Black Vein Prophecy part 1 LIVE!
Jun 18, 2025We're used to quick deaths in these books, but starting off dead might be a first. We crawl out of a sarcophagus in front of a LIVE discord chat as we try to work out what the Black Vein Prophecy even is...
May our stamina never fail!
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Episode 288 - Master of Chaos part 10
Jun 04, 2025Pirates are attacking, and there's not even time to eat a meal. Worse things happen at sea, as they say.
May our stamina never fail!
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Episode 287 - Master of Chaos part 9
May 28, 2025We've finished shopping, so now it's time for a made-up-fantasy-medieval-times pub crawl. And possibly some light tomb raiding.
May our stamina never fail!
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Episode 286 - Master of Chaos part 8
May 21, 2025With gold burning a hole in our pockets (and boots), it's time to go shopping while a talking mongoose tries to get his leg over in a book written for children. The eighties were very different weren't they...
May our stamina never fail!
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Episode 285 - Master of Chaos part 7
May 07, 2025We're taking another run at Master of Chaos, mostly because there's a talking mongoose out there somewhere and we really need to find out why (or if) it's relevant to the story.
May our stamina never fail!
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BLUES...
Duration: 00:36:15Episode 284 - Master of Chaos part 6
Apr 30, 2025We're looking for riches and adventure, but all we'll find at the docks are shady characters and a whole load of seamen...
May our stamina never fail!
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Episode 283 - Master of Chaos part 5
Apr 23, 2025We're back on board the ship of willing holidaymakers as a second quest to find a magical staff for some wizards begins. But can we even survive long enough to get to the starting location...?
May our stamina never fail!
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Episode 282 - Master of Chaos part 4
Apr 16, 2025Can you use a camel as a bribe? Which star of Hi-De-Hi makes a surprise cameo? What happened to the talking mongoose? Some of these questions might get answered in this episode.
May our stamina never fail!
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BLUE...
Duration: 00:28:52Episode 281 - Master of Chaos part 3
Apr 09, 2025We give our new mongoose friend a chance for romance as we part ways to do some shopping, desperately trying to acquire the essential items every other fighting fantasy book gives you for free at the beginning.
May our stamina never fail!
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Episode 280 - Master of Chaos part 2
Apr 02, 2025We head to the docks this week in an attempt to... (checks notes) ...avoid notoriety?
Also appearing in this episode, the best character we've ever encountered in a fighting fantasy book.
May our stamina never fail!
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BLUES...
Duration: 00:39:07Episode 279 - Master of Chaos part 1 LIVE!
Mar 26, 2025No sword, no backpack, no provisions, and no hope of survival as we begin a new book with a live audience of loyal listeners. Who will be the Master of Chaos? Is that even a thing?
May our stamina never fail!
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Episode 278 - Dead of Night part 8
Mar 12, 2025Our adventure has led us inside a heaving, throbbing, veiny monstrosity which is definitely not inspired by and/or stolen from any famous sci-fi franchises.
May our stamina never fail!
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Episode 277 - Dead of Night part 7
Mar 05, 2025Meditation, ooh Meditation! Meditation, that's what you need;
If you're standing by a shrine, and you wanna feel just fine,
ooh-ooh, Meditation's what you need!
May our stamina never fail!
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Episode 276 - Dead of Night part 6
Feb 26, 2025Set upon by mobs, both living and unliving, we find ourselves in more and more dangerous territory. If only someone had put up a windmill as some kind of warning...
May our stamina never fail!
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Duration: 00:33:53Episode 275 - Dead of Night part 5
Feb 19, 2025If you take anything away from this episode, it should be this; if you enter a tavern and you can't sit on your own, don't sit down at all.
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Episode 274 - Dead of Night part 4
Feb 12, 2025Randy skeletons, unhelpful innkeepers and spitty villagers should be no challenge for your average demon hunter. But sometimes, average is a high bar...
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Episode 273 - Dead of Night part 3
Feb 05, 2025It's all holy circles and mooning demons this episode, as we fight off creatures from another dimension to impress a strangely attractive village headman.
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Episode 272 - Dead of Night part 2
Jan 29, 2025A vampire jumps out of a coffin during a funeral while we're doing some (rather literal) moonlighting as a priest. And this is probably the reason funerals are usually held during the day.
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Duration: 00:31:18Episode 271 - Dead of Night part 1 LIVE
Jan 22, 2025We start a new adventure as a demon-stalker, digging up demons, fighting demons, hunting a massive demon and also, occasionally, filling in for the local vicar.
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CLASSIC Episode 21 - Deathtrap Dungeon part 4
Jan 15, 2025If you only listen to one podcast with two grown men baffled by a riddle in a children's book this week, make it this one.
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CLASSIC Episode 20 - Deathtrap Dungeon part 3
Jan 08, 2025Accident in a dungeon? Have you died in a borehole and it wasn't your fault? You may be eligible to claim another go and send in your friend to claim the treasure you felt you were owed.
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CLASSIC Episode 19 - Deathtrap Dungeon part 2
Jan 01, 2025Playing this book is as much fun as an Indiana Jones adventure. Unfortunately that adventure is "Kingdom of the Crystal Skull." It's not fun is what I'm saying.
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Duration: 00:41:36CLASSIC Episode 18 - Deathtrap Dungeon part 1
Dec 25, 2024Your life would have to be pretty bad to make a conscious decision to visit a place called "Deathtrap Dungeon." Or the TripAdvisor reviews would have to be really good.
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Duration: 00:32:34Episode 270 - Fangs of Fury part 6
Dec 18, 2024After sending our bodyguard to her confusing doom last episode, we reach some familiar territory despite some very surprising twists and turns and a completely new outlook on life in general.
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Duration: 00:46:25Episode 269 - Fangs of Fury part 5
Dec 11, 2024We find ourselves in the uncomfortable shoes of a pretty problematic character with boundary issues, as the book gets unnecessarily mucky and a little bit meta.
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Episode 268 - Fangs of Fury part 4
Dec 04, 2024What makes an Orc a Great Orc? Are there Mediocre Orcs? Plenty of time to ponder questions like that this week, as we get distracted from our mission to relight a volcano or whatever.
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Duration: 00:40:36Episode 267 - Fangs of Fury part 3
Nov 27, 2024This episode starts off confusingly and never stops, as the numbered paragraphs stop making sense almost immediately and we roll more dice over the course of 30 minutes than we did throughout the entire last book.
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Episode 266 - Fangs of Fury part 2
Nov 20, 2024It's a hot and heavy episode this week, starting with hot and heavy armour and continuing with hot and heavy action throughout. The heat and weight don't let up, so if you don't like cold or light things this one is for you!
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Episode 265 - Fangs of Fury part 1 LIVE!
Nov 13, 2024A new book means a LIVE EPISODE, so our listeners make all our decisions for us as we fumble through a confusing story about wizards, crumbling citadel walls, and... ostriches?
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Duration: 01:03:09Episode 264 - Vault of the Vampire part 10
Nov 06, 2024When you're in a dracula's castle, you should definitely investigate every tomb and sarcophagus you find. Nothing bad ever comes out of a sarcophagus after all.
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Episode 263 - Vault of the Vampire part 9
Oct 30, 2024Is the Count a vampire? Yes. Is this bat a vampire? Probably, yes. Could this weasel be a vampire? Now you're just being silly. Ow, my leg!
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Episode 262 - Vault of the Vampire part 8
Oct 23, 2024A bloke who looks a bit like a vampire who lives in a vampire's castle has offered us some free food and drink. Sounds safe enough.
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Episode 261 - Vault of the Vampire part 7
Oct 16, 2024Inside the spooky castle of a vampire, we spend some time with an underpaid librarian deciding how much money to spend on information we could probably guess for free.
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Episode 260 - Vault of the Vampire part 6
Oct 09, 2024We've been left to our own devices in the woods, so the local wildlife is in terrible danger, and trespassing offences are likely to be committed.
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Episode 259 - Vault of the Vampire part 5
Oct 02, 2024Backpacking through made-up Eastern European countries is a dangerous affair. the roads are full of headless horsemen, the forests are full of bears, and the rivers are full of scuttling gnomes...
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Duration: 00:31:54Episode 258 - Vault of the Vampire part 4
Sep 25, 2024We've met several of the Count's relatives; some alive, some less so, but they all seem willing to help us. This should be easy, as long as we don't take on any monsters with much higher SKILL and STAMINA scores...
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Episode 257 - Vault of the Vampire part 3
Sep 18, 2024Heading deeper into the Vault of the Vampire, we discover this might be a very different kind of dungeon. Don't touch any door handles...
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Episode 256 - Vault of the Vampire part 2
Sep 11, 2024We avoid a forest full of bears to hitch a lift with a headless ghost, to risk being eaten by a dracula in the vain hope that we might rescue a villager's granddaughter.
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Duration: 00:35:28Episode 255 - Vault of the Vampire part 1 LIVE!
Sep 04, 2024We fill up on garlic and invite a load of people to join us for a LIVE recording so we don't get scared, as we start Vault of the Vampire, the spookiest children's book you've heard two middle-aged men read today.
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CLASSIC Episode 82 - Appointment with F.E.A.R. part 7
Aug 28, 2024The president of the USA needs to be saved, but the Jazz Mind is dead. Long live the Swiss Army Knight. Probably not too long though, considering how badly last week's battles went.
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Duration: 00:29:05CLASSIC Episode 81 - Appointment with F.E.A.R. part 6
Aug 21, 2024The Jazz Mind faces his strongest foe yet as our listeners decided he should punch a rock monster with his normal human hands instead of running away. It's a pretty one-sided fight to the death, so don't blame us for stretching this episode out a bit.
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CLASSIC Episode 80 - Appointment with F.E.A.R. part 5
Aug 14, 2024Last episode Jazz Mind saw off some radioactive dogs with his Jazz Mind powers, and if you were hoping animal cruelty wasn't going to rear its ugly head this episode you are about to be disappointed. Don't blame us, blame Steve for writing it. And for writing several other questionable things which have since been edited to be more acceptable for a 21st century audience.
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Duration: 00:41:08CLASSIC Episode 79 - Appointment with F.E.A.R. part 4
Aug 07, 2024We return to Titan city for another attempt to defeat the forces of FEAR, or at least keep our appointment with it this time, as Martyn steps into the sparkly boots of a new hero with the power of "Magic Move Mind."
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CLASSIC Episode 78 - Appointment with F.E.A.R. part 3
Jul 31, 2024Criminals, by nature, are a cowardly and superstitious lot. To instill fear into their hearts, the Silver Crusader went to his local swimming pool for a bit of relaxing down time. This is pretty much how Mark would behave as a superhero, only with more biscuit-eating involved.
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CLASSIC Episode 77 - Appointment With F.E.A.R. part 2
Jul 24, 2024With great power there must also come great responsibility. But with rubbish powers you might as well go to an amusement park, right?
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CLASSIC Episode 76 - Appointment With F.E.A.R. part 1
Jul 17, 2024Look, up in the sky! Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Yes, it's probably those things. Mark becomes an embarrassingly low tier superhero this week, bravely facing the evils of office work before creating as much street crime as he tackles.
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Episode 254 - Portal of Evil part 10
Jul 10, 2024An annoying forest woman with a stupid voice wants us to unbuckle our weapon and pay a visit to her messy garden. That's the show note.
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Episode 253 - Portal of Evil part 9
Jul 03, 2024After last week's action-packed episode, we wait around for some men and discuss the merits of mining licences. If you're lucky, we might have a look in a tree.
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Episode 252 - Portal of Evil part 8
Jun 26, 2024After letting a long sinewy appendage writhe all over us, we find ourselves challenging a dwarf to a pickaxe handle fight. Which is definitely worse than just using a whole pickaxe.
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Duration: 00:51:12Episode 251 - Portal of Evil part 7
Jun 19, 2024We're tossing coins willy-nilly, looking for a wizard for a reason we can't remember, and only finding people who are pretending not to be wizards.
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Episode 250 - Portal of Evil part 6
Jun 12, 2024There's a ghostly ladder that's DEFINITELY intangible. The previous paragraph made a point of confirming it wasn't there. Our sword passed through it, remember? Shall we climb it then? OF COURSE!
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Duration: 00:34:13Episode 249 - Portal of Evil part 5
Jun 05, 2024After saving him from a giant SPIDER, we feed an elderly goblin and find out what he keeps in his jerkin. The answer might surprise you!
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Episode 248 - Portal of Evil part 4
May 29, 2024A camp full of untrained fighters needed our help, so we honourably stuck around to defend them. And all it took was for their leader to literally beg us, and for our listeners to make the final decision for us.
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Episode 247 - Portal of Evil part 3
May 22, 2024We start a new investigation into the missing miners and the portal of evil, as we find that elves are now dinosaurs, dwarves are now humans, cats and dogs are living together... mass hysteria.
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Episode 246 - Portal of Evil part 2
May 15, 2024The Tramp of Marching Feet is on his way, so we're going to hang around and see what he wants, whilst sticking our hands into whatever we like.
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Episode 245 - Portal of Evil part 1 LIVE!
May 08, 2024There's gold in them there hills, and also dinosaurs. We set off on a new adventure to discover the mystery of Kleinkastel, and we bring a LIVE audience with us to decide how we do it.
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CLASSIC Episode 109 - Trial of Champions part 1
May 01, 2024It's Bonecrushing time! Welcome back to Blood Island, home of the Trial of Champions and the Arena of Death. But don't let the name fool you. It's really more of an amphitheatre.
May our stamina never fail!
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Duration: 00:33:08Episode 244 - Armies of Death part 6
Apr 24, 2024Bobby Axeman's army marches on, poking their noses in wherever they feel like in their quest to reunite an estranged couple, and maybe kill a demon in the process if there's time, we'll see.
May our stamina never fail!
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Duration: 00:22:57Episode 243 - Armies of Death part 5
Apr 17, 2024We meet a new Axeman and a new Captain, as we continue to try to get an army to Zengis to fight a demon or something. More importantly, we need to get a family back together, and we're not going to let something like the rules of the book get in the way.
May our stamina never fail!
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Episode 242 - Armies of Death part 4
Apr 10, 2024We're looking for Big Richard Axeman in all the wrong places. Like barrels. Still, probably better than going into a sewer. I bet the sewers are full of nasty things, but a barrel probably won't have a monster in it or anything.
May our stamina never fail!
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Episode 241 - Armies of Death part 3
Apr 03, 2024Buy a talking familiar, or buy a "special" creature? When you're in a Fantasy Made Up Medieval Times pet shop, this is the kind of quandary you find yourself faced with. As well as "will the shopkeeper just do some magic on me and rob me whatever I decide?"
May our stamina never fail!
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Episode 240 - Armies of Death part 2
Mar 27, 2024We're about to be rammed by pirates, which is probably a bad thing...? But we're not going to surrender or run away, mostly because our listeners made the decision for us.
May our stamina never fail!
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Duration: 00:41:09Episode 239 - Armies of Death part 1 LIVE!
Mar 20, 2024With a complement of soldiers at our disposal, and definitly NO provisions, we set sail for adventure in front a LIVE Discord audience! It's a new book with new rules to get wrong, as we begin our slow march towards the Armies of Death!
May our stamina never fail!
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Episode 238 - Daggers of Darkness part 6
Mar 06, 2024We've been offered some dodgy drinks from two weirdos in a pub. Better drink at least one of them, otherwise we'd look rude. It's down to the wire in this episode, with a ticking clock of poisoned body parts and only 6 STAMINA remaining...
May our stamina never fail!
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Episode 237 - Daggers of Darkness part 5
Feb 28, 2024We head to a trading post where the trading situation is unclear, follow clues based on notes we've actually taken, and see the return of a running joke which is now 400% more disgusting.
May our stamina never fail!
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Duration: 00:39:52Episode 236 - Daggers of Darkness part 4
Feb 21, 2024We go to the aid of a shuffling person who's falling over. But will we be rewarded or punished for our good deed? And will their name and/or title be more suited to some kind of experimental musical group? Yes, the answer is definitely yes.
May our stamina never fail!
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Episode 235 - Daggers of Darkness part 3
Feb 14, 2024Orcs everywhere, and no sign of any of the medallions we're looking for. The only thing that might cheer us up is a singing Dwarf, but the chances of meeting one are so low I don't know why I've even mentioned it.
May our stamina never fail!
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Episode 234 - Daggers of Darkness part 2
Feb 07, 2024We roll the dice to see how well we roll some dice, as we find ourselves at a fair full of games that are probably not regulated by any recognised authority. Remember, Take Time To Think, and When The Fun Stops, Stop!
May our stamina never fail!
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Episode 233 - Daggers of Darkness part 1 LIVE!
Jan 31, 2024We start a new book with a live episode full of disgusting accidents and technical problems. Mark's angry, Martyn's stupid, and everything goes wrong. Maybe give this one a miss, I'm sure we'll do a recap next time...
May our stamina never fail!
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Episode 232 - Stealer of Souls part 9
Jan 24, 2024There are colourful passages and even more colourful descriptions as the final battle looms on our quest to kill Mordraneth, the Stealer of Souls! But there's only one colour all over these passages by the end of this super-sized finale...
May our stamina never fail!
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Episode 231 - Stealer of Souls part 8
Jan 17, 2024There's a series of increasingly suggestive passages (corridors) to choose from, and there's probably an evil wizard at the other end of one of them. Or maybe there will just be more passages (corridors). Either option is probably equally exciting.
May our stamina never fail!
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Episode 230 - Stealer of Souls part 7
Jan 10, 2024Rescue a naked old man or fight a massive half-ogre? We'll take our chances with the half-ogre, and hope the naked old man doesn't turn out to be anyone important. And also hope he puts some clothes on.
May our stamina never fail!
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